Hello everyone, I am new to this and this is the first piece I wrote in her besides the poems… I was married to my husband for 2 ½ years we have been living together for 9 years. You see I am only 25 years old… I was 16 when I moved in with my husband but lately I haven't been feeling to loving towards him… I told him 2 weeks ago I was leaving, but now I am confused… I have never really been totally independent before in my life and I am so scared! I know I love my husband but I am not sure if I am in love with my husband. I am hurting inside because I am not happy… Maybe it is me and maybe it is him. I don't know but I am just not happy… And lately we have been fighting a lot more, and it only makes me more depressed and I am so young and have a long life ahead of me. I want to look back and say that YES I was happy. Right now I can't and that is making me sad… I just need emotional loving which I am divinely not receiving from him, and when I tell him this he says it is just all in my head… I am not looking for the perfect relationship, just one that I feel good about most of the time. Does anyone have any advice for me? To improve my relationship with my husband so it will not end? Or should I just take a break and be by myself for a while to find myself?

If you and your husband were definitely in love at one time, and have lost that spark, it can be regained. Have you read thru the Basic Concepts on this site? Or the book Hise Needs/Her Needs? Once you start to work on identifying and meeting each other's most important emotional needs,I think you will find those feelings of intimacy and joy in each other returning. Good luck-<BR>Kathi

There is only one person who can make you happy, and only one person who can make you unhappy. That person is you. You need to decide what it is that will make you happy, and then do it. Where do you want to be in five years? 10? 25? 50? How can you get there from where you are now? Be realistic and make plans that rely on your own resourcefulness, not on someone else meeting your needs. Once you have all that done, you can look at your relationship and see if it really is a detriment to what you need to do to make yourself happy. You may find that in fact it is a big help, I don't know.<P>16 is awfully young to get "serious". Do you have children?<P>It is possible to achieve independence within a relationship. What you need to do is know that you can look after yourself, and that you can get where you want to go in life. To know that you are independent, you need to know you can "produce" more than you need to "consume", and that you can look after yourself. Is that the case right now? Do you feel you are pulling your weight in the relationship? Do you have equal say? Then you may be independent already. But if this is not the case, sooner ore later self-doubt will start creeping in. You need to look at the areas you are week and fix them. You can do this by leaving the relationship, in which case being alone will force independence upon you whether you are ready for it or not, or you can do it by improving yourself within the relationship.<P>A good book to read is "The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People" by Steven Covey. The focus of the book is about achieving happiness and success in life by taking control of your self and working consistently towards your goals and within your own personal principles and values.<BR>

I know exactly what you are feeling. I am 21 with a 2yr old. My husband and I have been married only five months, but we have been together for five years. See, I committed to him when I was sixteen too. I feel the same way you do right now. I want independence, because I never had it before. I went straight from my mother's house to his. And then had his baby immediately. I actually left him a year and two months ago, for six months. I was out on my own with my child and it was very hard, but do-able. Needless to say we got back together and got married right away. Bad move(for us). I don't know what to do either? We both threaten divorce all the time. I really hate him. Well, I am starting to go to school. I think this helps with my indepence and to get away from him. If I get my degree as a Mechanical Design Technician, I will be able to support myself. I think you should think about going to school(if you haven't already). Please E-mail me at nickamber@tcei.com. We can talk!

Hi kuddles4me, after reading your post, I am impressed by your mention that 'you are not happy in the relationship/marriage'... but you did not mention clearly WHY are you unhappy or WHAT make you unhappy ? Is it the problem of your husband who has some unacceptable behaviour ? Or because you cannot feel loved from him.... the cause of your unhappiness is VERY important and you have to figure it out and try (if you really want to salvage this marriage) to find a solution. <P>But according to your post, I have an impression that you just don't love your husband anymore - it is very difficult to spend your life with someone whom you DO NOT love... Even he is very very good, and nice and sweet,,, you just have no feeling... Are you in such situation ? <P>For me, I always feel sad to see any relationship, especially marriage broken down but on the other hand, if people are not happy in a relationship, if people are suffered and feeling miserable in a relationship - if it is a dead end, why should we cage ourselves in an unhappy relationship ? It is not happy for you, also I am sure your husband won't be happy because he definitely can feel your unhappiness. <P>I just left my beloved boyfriend because he is unfaithful to me - he loves have sexual relatinship with many other girls although I believe he DOES love me - but so why ? I am not happy in such unfaithful relationship... I try to accept and be open minded... but the more I tolerate, the more depressed and unhappy and sad I feel... I am not happy ot lie without him, to be honest,,, but I feel miserable to live with such unfaithful relationship... So I have to choose one which would give me lesser pain - leaving him. <P>Now I still miss the relationship I had with him - so sweet and lovely most of the time. But I know he won't change - at least for the time being, so if I go back to him, the situaiton would be the same - I would cry, sulk, depressed every day... more and more. Why give myself so much pain while I can live a little bit better mentally ?? <P>Good luck and wish you can make a lucky decision. < Vicky >