Hi everyone! I'm pretty new here but did post once a couple of weeks ago - "I'm confused about death of an affair". Anyway, short story is married @ 21, (30+ yrs) have three adult children, found out about A 3 years ago. Did everything to try to save the M - filed divorce papers Jan. 2000 - withdrew them Sept. 2000 (he came home after 7 months with her) only to find out for the 5th time that he had never stopped the A to try to salvage marriage.
Here's why I am writing for help. I filed for D again last January and tomorrow we will finally begin the nitty gritty part of this whole thing. We will both be deposed tomorrow afternoon. I am asking all of you who are going through this awful pain to send a prayer to me tomorrow afternoon. They say the power of prayer is so great - I just want to behave calm, unemotional and in complete charge of everything. I hope that being in the room with him and hearing him say things like " I got out of the car too slow "(one of the reasons he gave for the dissolution- I had a list) doesn't make me weak. I just need to put this whole thing behind me especially since my daughter will be married in a few months - I want that day to be perfect for her - and she needs to see me truly happy and at peace. You have all helped me so much - I just wish I had known about all of this three years ago - things would have turned out so differently. I believed what he said about me and now realize that it's the same for every BS who goes through this. I never had any insight or experience in this "fog" state. It all makes so much sense now and I just wish I had been stronger and had more self esteem - I gave him the power and now the partner that I thought was the one person I could count on doesn't even blink an eye over the fact that our marriage will be dissolved. There will be plenty of time to cry but tomorrow I need to hold my head up, be articulate and honest and let him see a woman who doesn't need him to survive. There has to be some kind of victory for all of us whose usefullness is over and who have been discarded for a younger model. I want so much to be able to help someone else avoid going through this. Thanks for listening! I know you'll be routing for me!

I love the way you get out of the car! I will be praying for you tomorow. I am sure you can do just fine. NO MASCARA!!!
Elizabeth