I can't believe I did it but I just need to know. My wife was just starting to open up a little towards me and I went and blew it. I recently wrote a very nice letter to my wife expressing my love towards her. Yesterday she asked me if I wouldn't mind coming home to take care of our dog. I was glad because I do miss our dog. While back home I got this feeling that I just wanted to know what she did with the letter. She told me she like what I wrote and for the first time I felt like I was depositing LB$. My curiousity got the best of me and I began looking through her night stand to see if the letter was there. I didn't find the letter and later said to myself this is crazy. I shouldn't be looking through her stuff. Well, this morning she called me at work and was very angry because she knew that I went through her stuff. I didn't do it try to find anything I did it because I wanted to see if she would hold on to the letter or throw it out. Now she's said that she doesn't trust me to be home because she thinks that I'm going to go through her stuff. Just when I think I made one step forward I take five back. Why do I always do this to myself.

I think the mistrust that our BS have for us is sooooo great that even the good intentions are bad. I know how you feel in one respect though. Just a clue that they still care or that they still love us is all we need sometimes to get through the day. I know that I take my wifes actions toward me soooo personal right now because I am just looking for something in her that says she loves me still. Even an e-mail sent to me from her is good right now even if it doesnt say anything. <p> Don't beat yourself up for wanting to see positive attitudes from your wife but we have to remember that we are the bad guy and we aren't their friend right now.<p> Hopefully we can rebuild the trust so we can once again be friends and companions again so we can see on a daily basis that they do love us still and want to be near us.<p>
Love in Christ,<p> cajunky