Baby son is borne.
Both girls left me alone and are with him.
My life is finished

I am sorry you feel this way.<p>Your marriage may have ended, but your marriage and your life are NOT the same thing. <p>Don't roll over and die...it's not worth it, and it sets a bad example for your girls. You owe them better than that. What are they to think then...that being their mom wasn't a good enough reason for you to hang in there?

Be grateful for a healthy baby boy. KNow you are hurting, and I really don't know what I can say. I feel your pain, I am in great pain today too. Think first please!

B&D,<p>There are some things we just HAVE to accept in life. That is a painful fact. You really NEED to get some valuable counselling. I don't feel the person you see now is helping you at all. I have seen no progress in your recovery so far, and it is starting to worry me.<p>You NEED to let go of your ex. He has a new life, whether you like it or not, and he has moved on. He has a new baby son and that child is innocent in all of this. <p>I know the story with you, and I know the pain you have been through, but you are not doing the best thing for YOU by holding on to this man in your heart. He has shown you the utmost contempt and disregard throughout this saga, and you have let him because you love him. It is time to truly think of what is best for YOU, because holding on to this is NOT.<p>PLEASE think about this. I am sorry if this sounds harsh. I just feel you may need a little push to get your own life back.<p>We love you B&D.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

I just want to let you know that I feel for you, but I agree with everyone here. Your marriage and your life are so different. This is terribly painful, but you have to move on, who knows what wonderful things are awaiting you? <p>You have two beautiful daughters, if you can't let go for yourself do it for them. I agree with Jackie, seek out a new counselor who can help you. Life is too precious, you can get through this, but only you can do it.<p>My prayers are with you!
K

Please don't think that you life is over. <p>God is with you now, carrying you through this pain. Please turn to Him because He will give you the strength to get through this. <p>Also, how much fun do you think a 43 year old is going to have getting up at night with a new baby? Not alot, I can tell you. And changing dirty diapers? Don't think his life is all moonlight and roses. And the OW is probably very hormonal right now.<p>Please take care of yourself. Turn to your support system. You have so much to offer. Don't let this man take away your life. He obviously is not the man you married right now. You deserve much better. Your girls will see that. They will need you now more than ever. <p>Don't lose hope. We're all here fore you. K

B&D
NO!! your life is not finished!
Try not to dwell on the things that hurt you the most. I know that is difficult, but try to focus on yourself and how you can move forward. You have to do this for your own sanity. You cannot allow your XH to destroy you. You have to pick yourself up and move forward, I know it is not easy and it takes a lot of courage. But you do have that!<p>I know 2 years ago I could not imagine where I am now. But I think I have come a long way, and progress is slow but it does happen. Little things at a time, but at least try....<p>Love & care
Pantha

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by betrayed and desperate:
<strong>My life is finished</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Yes, your life with H is finished. <p>As Nino Too said, you need to accept this fact and move on. I know it feels like crap. I know it's a tough pill to swallow. But for your own sake and sanity, you have to do it.<p>You have a new life waiting out there for you and your girls. You haven't lost them. And you are still alive, thanks be to the grace of God. <p>I know you didn't WANT a new life. I know it was THRUST upon you without your say. We all know how that feels. It feels like h*ll and it's not fair.<p>But until you accept this and begin the process of moving on, you will stay in this pit of despair, which we all can see is eating you alive. Please B&D, it's time. I am in the same time-frame as you and I know it's time. <p>My heart feels for you, truly it does. But please, if you can know one thing it's this....your life...YOUR LIFE...is not over. God has a plan for your life and even those men (your X) can frustrate it, God can make all things beautiful. We don't know what's ahead for us and even tho it's hard as h*ll to believe that we will ever smile, laugh, love again, we just don't know what God's plan for our lives are.<p>But I do know one thing, your life with your X is over. Accept that and begin to let God heal you. We may not understand all the "whys" but we can trust God. <p>Please hang in there. Your loved by your girls and by those of us on this board who have seen and felt your pain. We care about you.<p>Aloha,
Ms.O

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by betrayed and desperate:
<strong>Baby son is borne.
Both girls left me alone and are with him.
My life is finished</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Has anyone heard from Betrayed and Desperate?<p>Am I the only one thinking the worst? Does anyone have her Email address?<p>Dara

B & D just replied to another thread as of yesterday, so apparently she's okay....<p>Fog Ended, OW/ExH called off wedding!!<p>I've been worried about her too....good to check...<p>Aloha,
Ms.O<p>[ February 19, 2002: Message edited by: Ms.O ]</p>

Ms.O thanks for letting us know... <p>I think we all have been worried....<p>Pantha

Dear friends,
thanks for caring about me.
Unfortunately you are the only ones who do.
I am realy deep down these days feeling worse than 2yrs ago.
I don't know who said time heals, in my case the wounds are reopening each day more.
I realy don't know how long can I take that.

Hi,<p>I am with you, just reading all the posts. When my husband walked out on me the 2nd time in 6 months, leaving me with a 5,3 and 9 month old, I thought I wanted to die, even though I loved my kids.<p>My father told me something back then that still resonates within me today: "You had a life before him, you will have a life after him".<p>How true, I thought I would never get over him, but in stages of several months, I have been healing and slowly getting over him.<p>I am sure that the birth of this little boy brings you back to all the love, joy and hope you had when your own children were born. It is a new beginning for your ex and his new wife but a death for you...<p>Close the door and walk away. Hold your head up high. You, too, will go on to have a great life and you will never look back later in life for causing anyone so much pain.<p>There is a reason for the pain that we suffer...we grow, we learn, we become closer to God if we don't shut him out of our suffering.<p>Your husband and his wife, while their little one is faultless, will be accountable for the suffering they have caused others. While I don't rejoice in retribution and revenge, there is nothing worse than looking back in life and regretting your own conduct. <p>So, go forward, walk in dignity and hold your head up high. Cry when you need to, don't be afraid to face your sorrow. One day you will feel peace...I promise you.

jtois thank you,<p>you know, it's so hard: just when I think I am going a bit better something happens. Just yest evening my YD who spends EVERY weekend, for last 6 months with them, phoned me and said she didn't come home!
I knew she wanted to live with them, especially when baby came, and cause she hates her new school she wants to go to her former school-but anyway I was schocked<p> "You had a life before him, you will have a life after him".<p>Unfortunately that exactly IS NOT true, we were together from the age of 21, so no life was before, and I still can't see any life in future.<p>My yd realy chose them that's so painful.
Even my OD goes to them more often now when baby is at home, claiming that she does not like OW and does not talk to her NUT the baby........<p>It's so devastating, and in fact humiliating that my kids chose OW over me

NO
That is NOT true!!!<p>They did NOT choose the OW instead of you...........they chose the baby.<p>Let me explain a little...your girls are at an impressionable, romanticised stage of life, even the older one!!! They see this cute, adorable teeny baby and think life is wonderful around him...WAIT for a few more weeks, when he starts to do more than sleep, and becomes more demanding...let them see that reality, and they will turn tail pretty fast!!!<p>As for life before your H...yes, you HAD one, you just can't remember it, and I would suggest you sit and THINK about what it is you did when he wasn't there. That is what I did and it helped enormously.<p>YOU are important now...no-one else is as important. Your girls will only start to feel like YOUR girls again when you let them...instead of always thinking they are against you. And if they are against you........think about why. Are you fun to be around? Are you always complaining about H? Are you getting on with your life??? These girls NEED a strong model to fall back on, and you are the one to provide it. OW is a weak person, so is H. YOU have to show them a strong person.<p>A very wise counsellor said to me that my kids would only be better when I was. I am here to tell you that he was right. My babies are doing great, because I focus on OUR love, and not the love lost.<p>PLEASE B&D, focus on that, and you will see that these girls DO love you.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Jacky,
yes, I know they chose a baby .I understand that at my YD who always wanted younger brother/sister and OD who is at the age when she starts to think about her own baby (I hope she is smart enough not to take that thoughts too serious).<p>But OW is in the paccage with the baby and the younger one obviously thinks she is soooo nice.
OD says that my mistake is that I was not crying "it hurts me, it's so hard...." and was doing all by myself (when I gave birth to YD I had to deal with OD, H, his grandfather of 90 and the baby without any help) and now he is even not going to work for second week, is cooking, house keeping..... and she is acting like queen mother.<p>I know, I know, I am jellous, I am. But once again, he is among the richest people in our county and everything was earned over MY back-she just walked in and they kicked me away.<p>I realy had not life before him, I was among 10 best students, not attractive, not going out, only learning. I have not single nice memory from these days, only few unrealized loves. Not a single boyfriend before him. He was my first and only one man in the life. It was a coincidence that I in fact met him.
The only memories I have are with him.<p>OW is a weak person, so is H. No, they are strong especially her; everything she imagined and wanted she realized and the only one wish I had is broken. I didn't want academic career, I wanted family life, to get old with him, our kids and grandkids and now when money came to enjoy a little together, after all these battles we went thru.<p>my kids would only be better when I was. I know it's truth but I am afraid it is too late. They've seen too much weakness from me and strength from them, too much sorrow and grieve from me and fun, happyness, money from them.
After all they see and can have family life with them, not with me.<p>plus my YD wants revenge for the last 1.5yrs and tells me that I am the only guilty one.<p>My OD is selfcentered and confirms that was not dad's fault, I was the one who did not love neither him not them (kids) and OW is soooo full of love for him baby them and he for OW and baby .....and there are everybody soooo in love with everybody there.<p>The only one who is destroyed is me. All the others have continued with better life.<p>But as I have legal custody on YD I have to start a procedure to change that cause she spends much time with them and I don't want to be responsible for a kid who in fact lives with them. And vice versa OD is according to verdict , living with him and in fact with me (but she is over 18 so I don't know if it is as important).<p>And what to think about the fact he is not returning me the rest of my things left in the house after several of my demands (not expensive things but for me important: some paintings I got while became PhD, all of my photos from '79 but even my grand-grandparents', my wedding suit, my books....). I f I start a court process it will be so expensive. I can't see a reason why he does not returning those to me. After all he said he had not a past he wanted/lived only for future.<p>Thanks Jacky, I know it's all about self-respect what I have not.

B & D,<p>I can't imagine how much this must hurt. I haven't been on the board for awhile (didn't answer my email either, sorry), but I just checked in the last two nights. I'm very sorry you are going through this nightmare. I know that you've been close to the edge. Hang on!<p>-AD<p>PS. If you email again, I won't fail to answer.