Lizam:<p>You don't have to be the aggressor; but meet em half way. You need a vision for the kind of life you want and the kind of person you want to share that life with. Your vision needs to include your children and be realistic based on who you are. Then you need to assess your god given strength's, talents; all the great things that you bring to this potential relationship. Take advantage of these along the way. What short comings or blind spots do you need to manage to help make this vision come true. Manage means to do this without trying to be someone else; just incremental changes (self improvement if you will). Then you need a strategy for "positioning" yourself and networking yourself into social situations that best enable you to meet this someone. Brain storm a number of alternatives for acheiving this. Build your self esteem (if it's already good - make it great). Know thy self and love thy self first. Self awareness is the most powerful interperonal advantage of all. You need to carefully prospect and qualify soul mates in advance; use your head and heart in balance (but mostly use your head).
If you carry hate or resentment; loose it. Life's too short to get weighed or slowed down by useless negative baggage. Forgiveness frees you not those who shed evil upon you. Take responsibility for your happiness; how you react to the cards you are dealt is "your choice" no one elses. Be bold, purposeful and inspiring; not the victim. Even all this isn't enough. You need a plan, and a support network to help you with personal accountibility to make this vision possible one key step, strategy, action at a time. I guess there is a beauty threshold requirement necessary to get things going. In my early years a pretty face with big boobs steered my boat. At 48 interesting women of character, who are comfortable with how they are and fun to be with intrege me. If you get this far you need to validate shared values, interests and sex drives (the real stuff - not the brochure some people project during the hunt). We're out here; search within; paint a picture of happiness in your mind; plan your strategies and critical path to achieving this dream life; and realize even then it won't be perfect. But it will be great. Good luck... Gary