Hey all,<p>I have been a way for while, was on holiday at the sea! Wow it was so peaceful and restful lying next to the ocean and just &#8216;chilling&#8217;. <p>It was also a little sad because I knew my XH was within 40 minutes drive from where I was staying and that his work was even closer. I thought maybe I should call and ask him to meet me for coffee, but had to sit and analyse that thought. What I came up with was that I didn&#8217;t want him to hurt me by declining to meet me and besides I thought&#8230; hey I really don&#8217;t have anything to speak to him about! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Well I guess life does go on, but moments of sadness are still around at times. I was struggling to remember anything really happy and nice about our relationship and then I remembered a holiday about 3 months into our relationship (before marriage and even before sex [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] )&#8230; and I remember at that time we were truly happy together and that made me a little sad, but I also felt that we did share something special at one point which means the last 9 years of my life were not totally a waste&#8230;<p>I had a lot of time to think about life in general but still don&#8217;t have the answers about what I want out of life. <p>I met a younger guy (22) a few months back and we have seen each other a few times, now I really mean a few times. I am not serious about him, but like hanging out with him, I just feel that our worlds are vastly different and we are at very different places in our lives. Yesterday he told me he has been telling people that he is &#8216;with&#8217; me, and is not interested in other girls, I didn&#8217;t know what to do, so I sort of brushed it aside with a smile and &#8216;no man&#8230;&#8217;. The last thing I want to do is hurt this guy, but I don&#8217;t really have anyone else in my life except my internet guy, but at this point in my life I can&#8217;t commit to anyone specific unless they are exactly what I am looking for and need in a relationship. So I next time I do see him, which circumstances don&#8217;t always allow as he works nights, I will have to tell him that we can see each other but that it is not an exclusive relationship. How do I say that without hurting him&#8230; I mean I met his dad already&#8230; isn&#8217;t that a serious step? I really tried not to get to that point but it just happened&#8230; Oh he told me he also likes that I don&#8217;t put pressure on him and he can still do his own thing... the only reason being is that for me its just a casual relationship&#8230;. Oh well&#8230;<p>Its back to work for me tomorrow&#8230;. not fun&#8230;. but I will have to face the critics sometime&#8230; [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Pantha

Hi Pantha-<p>I've been thinking of you and wondering how you've been doing. I'm glad you enjoyed your vacation! I'm also glad that you avoided calling your X. You need to focus on you right now and all he ever seems to do is bring you down.<p>Of course you had good things and times with him. You don't stay married as long as you did over nothing, irregardless of what he says.<p>It is good to see you getting out. Keep your options open, but be honest with the 22 year old. You are still healing and it only makes sense that you want to keep things non-exclusive, etc. You will know when the time and person are right, until then enjoy your new life!<p>I myself will be divorced on 2-19-02. A year ago this scared me to death, now I am so ready to have it over with! My WH is still a mess and in such denial. I however am moving on and life seems to be getting better than it has been in years. The kids seem to be healing too. 2001 was hell on us, 2002 is our year!<p>
Take care and keep in touch!<p>K<p>PS-

Still reeling so good to hear from you!! You gave me such a warm nice feeling when you said you wondered how I have been doing. It is so nice to know that you care!<p>Just over a week for you then... well when its over it is over, you can grieve formally for your marriage and start to really pick up the pieces. I don't think either of our XH/H will ever fully admit to the pain that they have caused us and it will probably be a long time before either will have grown into a 'bigger' person than they were... I know my XH has still not forgiven me, probably will still be blaming me for everything 30 years from now... but it is up to him if he wants to carry around that hate he has for me. <p>I am glad that you say that your kids are healing! It seems so unfair on them... but you are still lucky to have them and they are lucky to have you... wish I had kids, hope someday I will meet the right man to start a family with...<p>Take care
Pantha

Hi again-<p>You sound so upbeat. I am happy for that, this fall was really rough on you. It is encouraging to see someone who has gone through so many similar situations on the mend. I too feel I am finally healing. It is a weird feeling. Part of me still loves my H very much, but I realize that he is not good for me and must move on.<p>My H and I are in the final negotiating stages of the divorce. We have agreed on everything but child support and how much equity he should get. Of course it is money that is getting to him. He is so far in debt that he is panicking as the divorce gets here, but that is not my problem. Everything happening is a direct consequence of his choices. As I have detatched mysel and see things more clearly, I see him for the first time in his life having to deal with consequences for his behavior and choices. It is tough on him, but high time he learned to live as an adult.<p>The interesting thing is that his OW is only 21. She is 11 years younger than he and from the things my kids say she is the one who handles everything. This past weekend they went away to see her. They celebrated my son's birthday. It was she who baked the cake, shopped for and wrapped the presents, brought the snacks and play things for the kids in the hotel. Hello? As a father, isn't this his responsibility? Shouldn't he know what they like, what to do, etc.? It may be fun for her now and she is in overdrive when it comes to pleasing him, but handling him and his lack of responsibility will catch up with her. I personally am so glad to be relieved of the job! I married him to be his wife, not his mother, but I admit I was sucked into the role. I know I only have myself to blame for this, but he did it so smoothly that I didn't realize it was even happening. Now to see history repeat itself it is strange, but satisfying!<p>Your comments about kids are interesting. You will find the right man and have some. It is all on God's time however. I myself can't imagine life without them, but now as I venture into the dating world it should be interesting being the mother of four.<p>Keep in touch. I really do think of you. Our XH's had so many similarities one of them being total denial! Enjoy your new life and have fun now that you're back at work!<p>K

Hi Pantha,<p>I am glad life is moving ahead for you...ups and downs still come along every now and then just to give us a reality check.<p>Just thought I would say hello!<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky