I'm a usual GQII poster... guess I'll be lurking and posting some here... any advice would be greatly appreciated [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . I posted this on GQII as well, but thought some of you might have some input for me.<p>We have decided to try to file together, each using our own attorneys for consultation. He's filing on the ground of "irreconcilable differences", and I have expressed to him that I disagree with that, but I won't counter-file on the grounds of adultery (which would highly be in my favor in my state), unless we couldn't come to an agreement. I have been stalling and being very cautious with the D process, but we basically came to an agreement on the settlement, and I had the papers signed and ready for H on Friday. I'm glad he didn't come and get them to file, because I found out some interesting info this weekend. He has either been fired, or changed jobs, and hasn't let me know. This was about 2 weeks ago! His verbage in our e-mails back and forth has continued to lead me to believe he still has the same job. I sent an e-mail to ask him what was up, and haven't heard from him yet. My only way to contact him is e-mail, the OW's cell phone, or knocking on their door. <p>I've been in plan B since 12/19, except for e-mails regarding settlement negotiation.<p>Now what? I still want to save my marriage, although I had decided that there's no hope. Or do I even want him anymore??? (don't hit me!! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] ) <p>If he's been fired, was he too proud to tell me? Or was he afraid I wouldn't sign the papers if I knew about it? I'm wondering how "wonderful" OW is, and will she stand by him through this struggle? He's not broken, because of the tone of his e-mails, blaming me, and still pushing the D forward. But what if he becomes broken and comes home to me? He may not. He may have a brand new job lined up and will sail right through this. I believe he was fired, because I know his performance has gone downhill ever since the A.<p>Financially, I know I need to check with my lawyer to see what I need to do to protect myself. Perhaps hold off on agreeing to the D. Or should I go ahead and file like nothing new has happened? He will still have to comply with the agreement (alimony, etc.). If I hold off, I may not get anything from him, if he remains unemployed.<p>So then... what about Plan B? I suppose it's my codependent tendencies causing me to want to feel sorry for him, scoop him up and help him, be compassionate and let him slide on the money he owes me, etc. I want to meet him in person, and find out what happened and reach out and "be there" for him. grrrrrrr..... but you all know I plan A'd for 6 months, and went to Plan B after he filed for D. I'm sure he's NOT wanting me to reach out and fix this for him - at least not right now. <p>sighhh... so sorry for the slight venting... I hope this makes sense... just trying to decide what to do next... stand by my Plan B? See my lawyer for financial protection? Quit worrying about him and feeling sorry for him? <p>Any thoughts are appreciated... thanks

Ok, Lil Sis,
Calm down here a bit, 'k? You're starting to sound a little frantic. I know. I bEEN THERE!!!<p>First of all, let me share with you something a very wise Christian brother (who was the WS) shared with me a little while ago: "There are going to be consequences to his sin....some are spiritual and some are NATURAL." NATURAL consequences to his sin.....worldly, natural consequences.....can't help it, it's just the rules of the universe. You can't break some of nature's laws and NOT expect to pay a price.<p>Doing a poor job at work will cause you to lose your job. See? Let God have this. Let Him work. I see HIS fingerprints all over it!! He IS working on your H. Faith, hang on to your faith!!! You have soooo much, and I have always admired that. Please, just take your eyes off this situation, pray about it and LET IT GO. You will know what you have to do in the right time. You are in Plan B and you have to do THAT right now. It know it's hard. Heck, I've never even figured out WHAT "plan" we are in!!! I can go for WEEKS (often do) without hearing from my H, or ever feeling like God will allow me to call him. (He would never call me)<p>DON'T try to fix your H. DON'T try to "calm his fears," or smooth this over. It just might be something the Lord is trying to do to get his attention.<p>Here's what you CAN do: "Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the cares of earth will grow strangely dim...." Well, YOU KNOW THE REST!!!<p>All my prayers -

thanks [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . you're right. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Faith, breathe in, breathe out. It's going to be ok. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Just nervous having this settlement agreement hanging out there, and wasn't sure how this job-change - or no-job! - would affect things. And I'm soooo tempted to break Plan B... he keeps trying to drag me into conversations....

I agree with Lupolady.<p>Just stick to Plan B. Let it work. God is watching over both of you right now. <p>I'd get the papers signed ASAP just to protect yourself with the alimony. You can always change it later if you have to or is you want to. It's not reversible - remember that. <p>As the hearing gets closer for me adn my STBXH, he wants to drag me into conversations about the legal stuff, which I preferably would like to leave with the lawyers because it's just to LBing for both of us.<p>Also, don't try to anticipate his return prematurely. Not that I want you to give up hope, but don't wait around for it. If he comes back you'll know it. I know it's hard. I'm about to cry everytime I think of the back choices my WH is making and how I wish he's just come home and work on our marriage, but God works in His time and not ours. <p>Please hang in there. I have tremendous co-dependency tendencies too, but by not bailing them out doesn't mean we don't love them. Sometimes it's doing them a greater disservice - and if they come back, we want them to come back on their own volition.<p>We can handle this! God will get us through. K