Hi,<p>I went back to your earlier posts and my mind was refreshed. I have the retention span of a flea to begin with so...<p>So you did it - you were able to break things off and move on with your life. WOW - good for you! I wish I had the strength before our wedding, but I can't go back and change that now.<p>I am moving to Plan B with divorce as the outcome. If we were (and that's a huge if), to reconcile he would have to undergo much therepy. And not to mention the begging! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It hurts, as I'm sure it did for you, but I know I'll be better off in the long run - this is only temporary pain!<p>I wish you continued success in your healing and self rediscovery!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hey Free2BMe,<p>Thanks for the kudos. It has been quite a journey, but the path becomes clearer each further step I take along the way.<p>There are still days that I think of him, and miss him, but I have come to know that it is not really him I miss, but what I thought he was, what he represented to me.<p>Now, I'm so thankful I'M not the one who has to worry about who he might be cheating on me with! It's like someone said on another post, jealousy from a perceived threat is one thing, but jealousy from an actual event is something else! I thank God that He saved me from such a life.<p>And cheat, he will, eventually, I believe that, because he has never owned up to HIS problems. He continues to blame everyone else for what he did. And without owning your own "stuff", you can't make any real changes. <p>From the outside looking in, it appears to me that your husband is incapable of any real change, at least at this time in his life. And with remarks like "I'll slit my throat and say you did it", you cannot allow yourself to be dragged down with him. Plan B, whether or not to preserve your love for him, or to protect yourself, is really for you. I see where you know it's time for you to go to plan B.<p>But as a side result, perhaps he will finally see that he needs help. And if he does not get it, then you have saved yourself more grief by not remaining in such an obviously unhealthy situation for you and your boys.<p>You are so right, it's temporary pain, and sometimes the (excuse the expression, I'm a nurse) boil has to be lanced before it can heal. Things may feel worse for a while, but healing will come.<p>You say you didn't have the strength before the wedding. If my former boyfriend had asked me to marry him shortly after what he did, I probably would have. Thank the Lord, I didn't! But, don't beat yourself over the head. You did what you thought right at the time. You can't change the past, but you can change the future.<p>I have a quote by Maya Angelou that I have made my own. "We did what we did because we didn't know any better. And when we knew better, we did different."<p>Good luck to you, Free, in staying strong, not letting your husband play mind games with you. Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.<p>[ February 13, 2002: Message edited by: ashygirl ]<p>[ February 13, 2002: Message edited by: ashygirl ]<p>[ February 13, 2002: Message edited by: ashygirl ]</p>

Thanks for the wonderful update! It is very inspiring and I loved so much of what you said.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I have come to know that it is not really him I miss, but what I thought he was, what he represented to me.<hr></blockquote><p>So true! I keep holding on to the man I thought he was because he told me he was and I believed in him. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>But as a side result, perhaps he will finally see that he needs help. And if he does not get it, then you have saved yourself more grief by not remaining in such an obviously unhealthy situation for you and your boys.<hr></blockquote><p>I do see signs that he will use this separation to heal himself and figure it all out, but time will tell if that is just more to pacify me or not. I will pray for him each day and hope the Lord works in his heart. I'm not against considering reconcilliation, but he will need to work very hard to get right with himself and with God and then to show me the changes are for real. He will need to do the work - not me!<p>And in the meantime I can also work at healing myself and having a better relationship with my boys. They have their own issues and I wasn't able to fully help them when my head and emotions were on the marriage.<p>So, I'm going ahead to lance this boil!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>God Bless!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]