Hi there, folks. I haven't been on in a few days. I'm in training for a new job, which I may or may not get depending on whether I pass a test this week, complete another week of training next week, and then pass another test. If I pass it, it's only a seasonal job, so I'm going to be looking again, and it doesn't pay that much. I feel very abandoned and lonely right now. H has it in his mind that I can take care of a house and make sure 4 kids are taken care of a low salary and a little child support. I'm in a panic. How do I keep this family together while he's off taking trips with OW and ignoring everyone? He can't pay bills on his $90,000 a year salary, yet he tells me I'll do just fine. *SNORT* Somebody send me a foghorn! I've done nothing but take care of chores, buy Valentines for the kids and cry all night. When it comes to watching out for my kids is when I really have a problem working the MB principles. If I could make sure they were going to be okay, I wouldn't get so upset, but I don't trust him to take care of them at all. And he's flaunting his A. Won't admit to it, but the kids catch on fast. He goes out on some pretext every night, goes off for entire weekends...they are asking me about it, and I just tell them I don't know what he's doing, but I can't lie to them, and they know. How on earth do you keep the H from totally tearing up the entire family? As it is, I don't know if I'll be able to support the ones living with me, and this is all a big lark to H. Somebody give me a pep talk. I'm really down tonight.

I'm in a very similar situation. I just started working this fall after being a stay at home mom all these yrs to my 4 kids. I make $1000 a month. But if it comes to that, you can get temp and perm. child support and after 23 yrs, probably a good chunk of alimony, too. You will make it! With my child sup. and alimony, my cash flow is almost better than when I was married, because he's got to shell that out first thing each month, that or wear an orange jumpsuit!

I would agree. If you can't handle the finances, then usually you can at least split the property and have him pay you and the kids. <p>When the WS is in the fog they do irrational things - and just like with a gambler or someone addicted to drugs, sometimes you have to protect your family from their addictive behavior.<p>K

P.S. The topic was finding out how many Kathy's or psudonym Kathy's were on the board - I see them everywhere. Of course, I've been getting alot of names of the WH's too - there seems to be alot of them with the same name of [censored] .... go figure.

I am SO sorry that you are going through this. I pray for the gift of strength for you. How long has the MLC been going on? Do you have proof of an A? Are you doing Plan A? Have you thought about Plan B? He's asking for a divorce, has he really thought out what it means...
In the meantime, do your best to take care of yourself, pamper yourself a little bit... I know it's hard.
How old are your kids? Is H close to them? Is he a loving father?

Unfortunately, Texas is not an alimony state. I'm getting child support for two of the kids, the equity on the house and up to $10,000 / year for college. I guess I'm just in a panic because the job market is soooo bad in Austin right now. I stayed at home and worked outside the home when finances were tight, and I've got a lot of experience doing different types of computer work, but being a high tech kind of city, people are not impressed with the fact that you can program mainframes unless you have a degree.<p>I have several bosses in a high tech company who want to hire me back, but they can't because of the hiring freezes right now. I just don't want to see this family broken up, and I don't want to lose the kids because of his fog. When he started all this, he was going to make sure I had enough money, etc., etc., etc., and now the bimbo - uh, OW, has him convinced that he should hide money and not pay one cent more than the law makes him. I was seriously trying not to make her an issue, or to have to do an asset search, but I guess I'm going to be forced into action. I know he's been hiding money, and his cell phone bill is going elsewhere now, too. Thanks everyone for your help. This too shall pass - I'm just having a really hard night. I haven't thrown anything yet, though! I just can't stop crying.<p>I figured we were talking about Kathy's, but I wasn't sure with the topic heading. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

ESP [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>The kids are 12, 17, 19 and 21. Let's see - proof of an A...I guess that's debatable, but I had the dry cleaners call me and tell me they couldn't get the stain out of my dress - it wasn't mine. He's been taking weekend trips every other weekend, he opened a checking account I only found out about because I started checking what was going in and out of the joint account and where it was going, the mail for his cell phone and stock transactions has stopped coming to the home, I found a receipt from one of his trips indicating that he had purchased flowers, candy and a corkscrew...guess she bought the wine (he was supposed to be off with the biking buddies - forgot his bike.) It takes him 45 minutes to go to the corner store to get a pack of M&M's, and some female with initials only on the caller id has called here a few times and as soon as I answer she tells me she has the wrong number. Proof? Well, I don't have pictures, and I certainly don't have an admission of guilt. He hates confrontations, and would rather lie.<p>As far as the MLC goes, about three years ago, he got mad at me because he had been out for 6 hours past when he told me he was going to be home, and couldn't find a working telephone. Naturally objecting to this (and not doing a very good job expressing myself) I got a little ticked off and told him about it. So he told me he wanted a divorce the next day. I spent about 2 days feeling sorry for myself and then said screw this and carried on. He changed his mind. THen about 2 years ago, he informed me that he thought we had "earned" the right to see other people. I (much more rationally this time) expressed my displeasure with this idea, and he agreed that it was a bad idea, and told me he would never divorce me...so much for wild promises! So I guess about 3 years? Typical fog though. I just don't have any feelings for you anymore. I had sex with you just to find out, and I don't! I figure if I can go through layoffs, labor with 4 kids and all this other stuff, he should be able to keep his pants zipped and manage to make it through a bout of hormones. Besides which, I have hormones every month, and I haven't threatened to divorce him! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I am SO sorry that you are going through this. I pray for the gift of strength for you. How long has the MLC been going on? Do you have proof of an A? Are you doing Plan A? Have you thought about Plan B? He's asking for a divorce, has he really thought out what it means...
In the meantime, do your best to take care of yourself, pamper yourself a little bit... I know it's hard.
How old are your kids? Is H close to them? Is he a loving father? <hr></blockquote><p>Sorry, I didn't answer everything...I got interrupted by a boy child. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I had been trying hard to Plan A, but I have been so worried about being able to support the kids, I'm afraid I haven't done a very good job of it. It's only been a few weeks, but he immediately asked for a divorce. He wants to remain friends, and refuses counseling. I have been considering Plan B, just because I know his personality. He's right until it goes wrong, then he tells you he should have listened to you in the first place. I got tired of hearing how the money was going to come out of the woodworks, so I made him sit down and do a budget one night. He was $1500 in the hole every month. According to him, this is still no problem. He did agree that he needed to sell the $700 / month car, but so far no luck on that.<p>I'm babbling, so I'll cut it off now. Thanks for your care and concern. I really don't know what I'd do if you people weren't here!

I just don't have any feelings for you anymore. I had sex with you just to find out, and I don't! <p>I was reading your post and this really hit home hard. Since I have been on this board I have not once heard anyone say that their spouse told them that they had sex with you to find out if they were still in love. My xh did this to me about a month before he walked out on me and my two boys. When he told me that I completely fell apart. I have never been hurt so badly before. I still hurt when I think about. I feel like I was used, almost to the point of sexual abuse. I am still dealing with that pain.<p>My prayers go out to you. I have been in all the pain you are going through now. My divorce was final the beginning of January 2002 but I was ready. After everything me and my children went through I knew it was in our best interests.<p>Stay strong.....I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was.<p>Kathy

Kathy, thanks for sharing that with me. That's exactly what I told my mom - that I felt I had been raped by this man. It was the most disgusting thing anyone has ever done to me. And he doesn't understand why I'm having a hard time with all this.<p>Thanks you so much for the thoughts and prayers, and the support. I know I can come out on the bright side of all this and bring the kids with me. Some days it's just a little easier to see the bright side than others.<p>{{{{{{ }}}}}}}