My husband left us last May for his secretary after 20 yrs marriage. My 4 kids are all teens.I know it's wrong of me, but it feels like such a betrayal for my kids to accept her and spend time with her.They are all I have and I feel like she's getting them, too. With graduations and weddings coming up, how does one get through such things with OW there? Will I ever be able to celebrate those occasions with joy again?

I haven't been there yet, LM, but it's close. H is fast after some female, and he's leaving me after 23 years. I have 4 kids, two of which are college age, and one who's not yet a teen, and one about to graduate HS next year. The things you are worried about bother me greatly. I'm hoping some of the members around here can help us. I can't stand it now that she's taking up so much of his time, and I am really having a hard time with when he introduces the kids to her. Just being here and reading the info on the website, and realizing that we are not to blame for a D is a big help. And the support around here means the world. Sorry I couldn't be of any more help, but I'm still struggling. You do have my best wishes, my understanding and lots of hugs!

This is one of the things I'm most worried about also. My children are still young (12, 11, and 4), but I dread the idea of them meeting the OW. Although I know it's not accurate, I feel that she has already stolen my husband and I don't want her to have any part of my children. Plus the distress to them, feeling they must be nice to her to placate their father and yet not wanting to like her because then they feel they have betrayed me. I've told my husband I do not want him taking them over there, but in reality how can I stop him? I'm so bad that I told the kids if they ever to go over there to trash her house. Plus it makes me furious that have to deal with the constant tears, tummy aches, bad attitudes, talking back, etc., etc., but when they are with their father they are all sweetness and light because they are afriad if they make him made, he won't come see them again.<p>Sorry, just had to vent

Just try to remember that you will always be thier mother and even if they do accept her as part of there lives it is ok, she can never take away what you have given them and she can never take your place.

Hello, LonelyMom:<p>I just wanted to reply to you to let you know that you are not alone here. I am not nearly qualified to give you any advice as I have been married only four years and have no children.<p>I do want you to know that you will be in my prayers and thoughts.<p>
God Bless You,
vb_guy

I feel the same as you! Thank goodnes it is in our temporary orders that they can't meet the stupid OW until after we are divorced....how long do you think I can hold out on this??? (just kidding) My kids want nothing to do with the OW. I have told them that one day they will meet her and spend time with her. They bothe got pretty mad at me. My kids are 17 and 14. Their father was just the best DAD. He has screwed up royaly lately. He has spent about 5 or 6 ours with them since before Xmas, but he does attend all of their sporting events since Jan. During the fall he took a lot of trips with the OW so he missed some of their games and open houses at school and my son's first homecoming dance. He left them hanging when they needed them most. Instead of being for them when they needed him...since they were still so hurt about him leaving....he tried to cement his realtionship with the stupid OW. My kids resent that and I don't blame them....I know that sometime i am happy when they say they don't want to see her or meet her. My youngest said he doesn't want to meet her until he is a senior! They are hurt. They want to protect their Mom.....and she is someone that we don't know who hurt me. I hope they hate her.....but I would never tell them anything like that ....and I am not going to tell them anything else about meeting her. I am not divorced yet...Dad is living in her brand new house....and he can't bring his own kids to it....he has made such poor choices and he is now the most selfish man I have ever met.
As for graduation....my son graduates on June 2nd. He has already said that he does not want her there. GOOD! I don't need that woman anywhere near me...she should not enjoy anything aboutmy wonderful son. She doesn't know him and she should at least respect what he wants.....she didn't care about my kids when she slept with their Dad. Isn't this stuff just amazing??? You would just never think these things about your own life! Sorry...I vented a little too much....but my kids are the most important people in my life. I don't want them hanging around a woman (using the term loosely)with no morals....is selfish.....and helped my H destroy our marriage.
MAX

Thanks to you all for your replies. It's nice not to feel so alone.

I share all of your pain. My stbx's first OW sent my husband a book and signed it LOVE ( and she put my kids names) it was a daddy book. I was so disgusted. I could have thrown up. My son was 2 at the time and the thought of another woman being part of my son's life destroyed me. My kids are a little older now and will make up their own minds. Ultimately I would want my kids to have a good relationship with the OW. It would make it better for them in the long run, but a part of me secretly hopes that they hate her. Ooops thats not a very Christian thought now is it?<p>[ February 16, 2002: Message edited by: rosita ]</p>

Lm,
i just wanted u to know that i feel youe pain,my (h) as far as i know has not had a (a) on me i say as far as i know. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] but i do know his porn he has been into is a emotional (a) and that hurts. so i can feel the pain. i a'm sorry u are going through all that hurt after so many yrs of marrige,just to let u know we all care about u and keep posting as much as u like we all will be here for u. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Cathy

(((((((((((Lonelymom))))))))))<p>I haven't been on MB much lately, but I had to return today to post my own update.<p>When I first came here, just over 2 years ago, my screen name was lonelymom!! If you search, you will find me, my screen name was just one word though.<p>Anyway, I was with my ex 11 years, he left me on Christmas Day for a female in the same building, not his secretary, but they subsequently lost their jobs over that work affair.<p>He served me D papers on Valentine's day of 2000, not even 2 full months after he was gone. It was a nightmare.<p>My kids were 8, 6 and barely 2 when he left, so I didn't worry of the graduations, but I did worry because my kids ACCEPTED OW!! It hurt like mad, and I tried not to send the kids, but the judge forced me.<p>I felt betrayed and still feel twinges of anger at the kids for their acceptance, of course, after a year, her true colors were shining and my kids refused to go over there.<p>I'm so sorry you have had to go through this. You are not alone, and you will get through this.<p>As a matter of fact, one day, you will change your name, like I did, and life will have a happier day ahead.<p>Good luck, you will find much peace here, and learn a lot, and even more, you'll make many friends who are here to help you along.<p>DanaB

Lonely Mom,<p>I too, have those thoughts and WH has said that OW will not be a part of my kids life. I hope that she will respect that, but am sure that that is a big LB.<p>Right now she live in FL, WH in UT and me and kids in SD, so the chances of them meeting are slim right now, but I still worry.<p>My D will graduate next year, I plan on leaving it to D as to whether her dad can bring OW with him. I hope that I can stay strong in this. I have never meet this woman, I believe that I have enough strength and grace to deal with each and every situation that I have to have contact with her. Will it hurt, I am sure it will. But I am the better person in all of this and will raise my head proudly and celebrate what ever the occasion is with my childern.<p>Just my 2 cents!!!<p>Dawn