H left Feb 1 h saw the kids twice...first time both went...we have three oldest 21 didnt want to go at all. Told the kids right from the start that I would not interfere with visiting dad...if they want to told them it would not hurt me...go ahead..and if they dont that was fine too.
kids ages btw 21 17 15 (just turned)<p>Anyhow....H was supposed to see them today. I was at work...had a conversation with H on friday...told him it was fine just pick them up and they would leave a note that they were with him.
Get hom from work....and D said that H called and he couldnt see them today...he had new furniture and HAD to put it together.??????
What the heck is that. Furniture before the kids
They were dissappointed....told them that h did say he would take them out for dinner tomorrow so wait and see what happens. He definately is inMLC
no doubt about it.<p>My problem is....i got the book "when your mate wants to leave" I read it...and basically it says be patient. Eventually in many cases they come around....how do I know if they are "coming around" I dont want to be in sitch where this is a lot of false hope on my part.....I would like my family back together....
also picked up Solo Partner...tho that seems to be more for the spouse who is still in the house. There is a bit on separation....but not as much as the other one.
I do believe in God and that he has a plan...just wish he would let me know what the heck it was.
I count my blessings for the good things that happen like the fact I do have a good job... my kids love me we have a roof over our heads..food on the table etc. which is a lot compared to some women in this mess.<p>It is just all so confusing and hurtful....especially when the kids are askeing why he didnt want to see them. <p>For a brief moment......I was wondering to myself geez do I WANT a man who puts furniture ahead of seeing his kids????? Dont know what I want anymore...trying to keep busy working, but the days off kill me....i am an emotional wreck by the end of the day.<p>When I talked to him on Fri....he actually asked how I was???? Then he wanted to know if he could leave something inmy jewellry box in the bedroom...I told him the box was no longer there....he seemed surprised, but decided to leave it in the dining room. During the conversation I was to the point and upbeat...the end of the call he says "TAKE CARE" I didnt have a response for that one...so I just said "bye"<p>Like he CARES.....ya right<p>Any advice how to help the kids with these dissappointments....without bashing him too much???<p>DOES THIS EVER GET BETTER FOR ANY OF US

Hi Kathy,<p>Doesn't it hurt to see your kids hurting? They are old enough to really talk to about this. IMO, they need to hear over and over that the problem is not with them but with their father's choices.
That neither you nor they can control his choices. That not spending time with them is his loss. I would also not make excuses for your H. Insist that HE continue to explain to the kids why he isn't there. They are smart enough to know a lame excuse when they hear one. I'm sorry H is putting other things before his kids. <p>Best wishes,
Estes<p>PS: Have you read brokenhearted's thread on GQII, "My daughter's thoughts about her father"?

It's so hurtful, isn't it? Mine ignores the kids, and he's still here. What I've done is just refuse to make excuses. Gosh, I dunno where dad is...he went out. It hurts in two ways. First, because he's ignoring them and secondly because I can see him going down in their eyes.

Talk with the kids. I agree that would be the most helpful thing for all of you. You don't have to bash him. But let them know you understand it hurts, and it hurts you too. If you can open a discussion with them they will feel comfortable tossing around their ideas, thoughts, and feelings.
Elizabeth

Kathy,<p>Yes indeed it does get better, with that (ugly four-letter) word...TIME.<p>You're doing well, just keep talking to the kids, let them know (you will do this a million times) that it's not their fault, dad is just not dad right now. <p>Ok, it's killin' me...what did he want to leave in your jewelery box?<p>Hang in there Kathy, you are a survivor...did you ever think you'd be doing as well as you are? Amazing isn't it how good it feels to take back some control in your life. WAY TO GO!!!!<p>allison

Allison...H wanted to leave some money for the kids and I.<p>I posted today under questions ll...check that out....its really strange...least it is for me.<p>Andy yes your right...it feels great to have some control over things now...and if you asked me last week even if I could have pulled off what I did tonight...well you already know the answer.<p>It still feels like the rug has been pulled out from under...however, shock mode is over.
thanks for the replys, they really help.
Take care all....kathy