Hi Guys, it has been a very long time since I have been on MB. I have been trying to ride out these past 2 years of hell. My husband and I went to Divorce Court on Nov 28, 2001 but the divorce was not final until last weekend-Feb 9. I must admit that I am relieved that it is finally over, I had prayed that if God wanted us to stay together that he would stop the divorce, it drug on for a long time, thought that was the case, but my EX finalized all the needed papers and it was final. Now that is final he seems to be much more attentive and admited that he doesn't want to hurt me and our boys amymore. He now calls and emails, which he hardly has done in the past year. My question is: Is this normal, why do they choose to be nice NOW after it is final and where have they been when they could have fixed the problems before the divorce was final. How do you break the emotional ties of being married to someone for 20 years and then just become friends with them? HELP!

this seems to be a fairly common occurence amongst basically decent people....I suspect it is cause once divorced the pressure/expectation of a special intimate relationship is removed, letting people just be themselves. It is reasonable to assume people who married (and stayed married a long time) probably like each other, so no reason not to be friends...I think it is much easier to like and be friends with someone that to be married to them...marriage is a different animal with different psychological rules....and when 2 people do not fit right the effort to be "married" is very very painful, and leads to lots of undesireable, even hateful behaviours...not cause one dislikes the other, but cause they don't fit, and they are forcing themselves to do so, which breeds resentment and irritation.