OK, so in the forties, lets get the new relationship probabilities estimated:<p>At midlife, in easy round numbers:<p>80% of the population has been married once.
The other 20% of the population will never get married, or are predisposed to the same gender.<p>If the divorce rate is 50%, then 40% of the population is available again, assuming that all the divorces are MLC's in the late 30's and early 40's.<p>Of the 40% of the population remaining, 20% are of the opposite sex to you. . . <p>Of the 20% of the opposite sex available, you don't want to pick the WS and since we don'tknow the percentage of WS versus BS in the mix, we will assume its 50-50. Therefore, half of the 20% of the available population is 10%.<p>So, now in the 20's in college when very few were married, the available population was 50%, or all the opposite sex. Now the available pool is reduced to 10%.<p>In that 10 percent, there are 16 personality types. if you assume the best match is 2 letters different, then there are 7 out of 16 possibilities. . . .<p>which leaves a 4 percent availability pool. . . .<p>pretty depressing!<p>wiftty

OH man...<p>That IS depressing!

pretty cool wifty, you came up close to the number I suspect is about right at any time in life....actually I think it is under 1% but could range to 4% (or a little higher) for those who are content to just settle for the bare minimum marriage (contactural en's).<p>One thing to keep in mind later in life though is you have a track record (yours and theres) to look at, in your 20's you have little to go on, and little skill in assessment as well...perhaps when everything is factored in ones chances of a successful marriage are the same, more selection young but little skill, smaller pool later but better skills at selection....no matter how or when you do it though, successful marriage is one of the most difficult things a human can accomplish.

I know guys can get mail order brides, but can I get a mail order groom?<p>Cute, tall, financially stable, speaks and reads English, kind, Christian....<p>Yeah, I know, keep dreaming.....

ummm, maybe I missed it, but why are we limiting ourselves to only dating or having a relationship with someone who is in their late 30's and 40's? What about people in their early/mid 30's and 50's .... and yes, even late 20's [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jo<p>[ February 18, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong>ummm, maybe I missed it, but why are we limiting ourselves to only dating or having a relationship with someone who is in their late 30's and 40's? What about people in their early/mid 30's and 50's .... and yes, even late 20's [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jo<p>[ February 18, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I will not rob the cradle like my STBX (the OW is almost half between STBX & OS), but you GO GIRL!<p>My perfect idea is some OLD man with 9 toes in the grave, no children, no pre nup. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] & then a boy toy [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] just kidding, I think

HAHAHAHA....I needed that laugh sing. Hey if you'll split the money with me I'll play boytoy for awhile.... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p> jd

OK - so if the pool is a "wading" one.. how do you find potentials?<p>( Cut to the mall..excuse me, ma'am, I have a few questions I'd like to ask... as he adjusts clipboard..)<p>And how to resolve issues of betrayal..so you're ready when lightning does strike?<p>
Dan

You mention percentages. In USA with how many, maybe 250.000.000 people.
Try to imagine how bad the situation is when you live in a small country, about 4.500.000 people!!!!!
Even more depressing.
And BTW I don't believe in the relationship between women of my age and younger men. JMO

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by jdmac1:
<strong>HAHAHAHA....I needed that laugh sing. Hey if you'll split the money with me I'll play boytoy for awhile.... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p> jd</strong><hr></blockquote><p>now to find the right old man, but I don't fit the Anna Nichole Smith profile, [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] so what is a poor 40ish girl to do
[img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

Your stats assume that all divorces outthere are born from an affair. This isn't so. There's also the stat that 73% of second marriages will result in divorce. Have you thrown in those individuals who are widowed? The pool is actually much bigger than 4%. Also, most of the population doesn't know about Myers Briggs and all experts in the MBTI will tell you that there is 0% documentation that one type gets along better with another. There is one book out there by the Tigers called, What's Your Type, that looks at the different types and how they generally relate to each other, but there is no documented proof that an ENTP will get along better with an ENTJ or an INTP. <p>I think the best way to tackle this dating thing in your 40's is to keep an open mind and to keep realize that things at 40 are going to be different than they were when we were 20.

happymac...Also, most of the population doesn't know about Myers Briggs and all experts in the MBTI will tell you that there is 0% documentation that one type gets along better with another.<p>snl...That isn't true mac.... Go to Kiersey.com and read the stuff, also get the latest kiersey book, it refers to studies that show pretty clearly personality types are very real characteristics of human beings, and that they significantly impact marital success....This is intuitively true too IMO, it makes no sense we can be married to just anyone, we all know that, and try hard (albeit usually with poor success, due to poor skills) to marry someone we fit....why is that if ones personality (who they are essentially) makes no difference? If it makes no difference then what is the explanation for why we are attracted to some people, and not others? There are reasons for this mac, real quantifiable reasons, and they lie in human psychology.<p>I suspect as time goes on, and our understanding of human psychology increases, we will develop better models of personality types, and what one can expect from the different interactions (as coworkers, freinds, intimate mates, parents, etc.), and we will develop the tools to apply this knowledge to mate selection. The primary factor in marital success is how well you fit your partner psychologically.<p>[ February 19, 2002: Message edited by: sad_n_lonely ]<p>[ February 19, 2002: Message edited by: sad_n_lonely ]</p>

I don't want to get into a debate about the MBTI, but it is something I know about...I do it for a living. The Kiersey is not the Myers Briggs; it is something different. There are tons of similar assessments out there, but the MBTI is an assessment that was developed by a mother and daughter back in the 1940's. It was originally developed to help folks with career selection. Over the years the assessment has been fine tuned, but the main objective of this personality preference assessment is to help individuals learn about themselves and learn why others are the way they are. The only folks who are qualified to give the MBTI are those who have been through the vigourous training and take a test...I have been giving the MBTI and explaining the results to people and to business for about seven years now.

Come on folks lets look at this with a positive outlook, Forget the stats, Just say there is some one out there for me and will appreciate what I have to offer. And there is plenty of people out there in the 40 ish bracket . Look at Match.com
for one, there is a lot of people out there looking. Post your best picture and write a good profile and talk with some of these people . You can be picky. You dont have to settle for less than what we want. but be realistic about our search. Just because your 40 ish doesnt mean the end of the dating/marriage world. we are just affraid of something we havent done in some 20 some years . Believe me you still got it , just pull it out of the closet and dust it off. It is tough but sell yourself.

Hey Wiftty,<p>ENTP!!!<p>I plan on marrying you as soon as I ditch the loser!<p>LOL [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

happy, correct me if wrong (going on memory), but I believe the kierseys built on and furthered the research/kmowledge base meyers-briggs is based on...I understand that there are different people applying/working in the same field, same as any field of human knowledge.... I guess my point was (and I wonder if you concur, based on your working in the field) that temperament is a quantifiable (and essentially unchanging) characteristic of a human being...much like body type, intelligence, biochemistry etc.... and if so, is it a factor in the success of human relationships (much like having the wrong body type means you will never get a gold medal in a particular olymoic sport)...if it is a factor than commonsense tells us the interaction is going to vary with the temperaments...... have you found this true in employment situations, that temperament is one of the identifiable predictors of success at a given job, regardless of desire or motivation? I assume yes, or why would it be a tool employers use to "match" employees with appropriate job descriptions.

The Kiersey is all about temperment and though the Myers Briggs touches on temperment, their theory is based on Karl Jung's model of the preferences. What is unique about the MBTI is that you can use it in any situation. What some people think is that it is an end all and will use the results to catorgize people. That is exactly what it isn't and to those of us who use the MBTI and have gone through the training, it is troubling when the assessment is used unethically. The MBTI takes a look at the four preference catagories...and the combination of those four gives us our type. Obviously, certain types will share certain similarities, but it is important to understand that though 10 ENTJ's will share their preferences...those 10 individuals are very different. Culture, socio-economic traits, your genes, your parents, and life also color our personalities. <p>It's also worth pointing out that the MBTI assessment was designed to be given to individuals at least 18 years of age and who are mentally healthy. It is not recommended that you give this assessment to someone who is Bi-Polar or who suffers from mental illness. The MBTI when used correctly, can give people a deep understanding of who they are and why they act the way they do. Knowing about the other types can also give you a deep appreciation and understanding of others. It gives you a look at how someone else sees things. There are no better types than others...You may find a co-worker annoying because they are always talking, they make too much nose, and they constantly wait until the final hour to complete things. They aren't trying to make you crazy...they are probably extroverted and are perceiving as well. Relationships can fail on many levels no matter what the MBTI type is. Some relationships will naturally be easier if some of the preferences are similar, but as mentioned before, there is no documented proof. I am an ENTP and my ex was an ESTP and we did not get along...he was controlling and though the only difference in our type was the S & N...there were too many other issues that had nothing to do with type.<p>As far as jobs go. It isn't the job so much as the place where you are doing your work. Typically, an ISTJ would make an excellent accountant, but an ESFP could also be an excellent accountant. The I would be more comfortable working alone in a predictable setting and the E would love being an auditor, going out to different businesses with an ever changing schedule. Two accountants....two different jobs...thats what we mean by fit. Often the Strong Interest Inventory is used with the MBTI when we are doing career counseling.<p>The MBTI is an excellent tool. You could spend your whole life reading all the books that have been written and the statistics that have been compiled. My suggestion to people who are really interested is to take the assessment and go to a workshop for a good thorough feed back. Make sure the instructor is certified and has gone through Type Resources for their training. There are many immitations out there.

Happymac<p>you are pretty sensitive about your profession . . . relax. . .<p>If you read the post by stepping back away from any sensitivities about the precision of the generalizations, you realize that they are only generalizations and assumptions, and i stated so, so there is no misrepresentations of MBTI or otherwise. . . <p>and yes, i have read several books and studies. . . so the conclusions i draw are my own. . . so since i don't represent a profession or a legal body, i am free to draw conclusions, which i stated as assumptions to ESTIMATE the point of the post. . .<p>finally, to discredit or criticize the post, you picked a very small portion of the population. . .probably outlier statistics in the age proup discussed. . . which under the assumptions of GENERALIZATIONS of the post, is meaningless. . finally, if you also read carefully, I used MLC, not affairs as the reason for the divorce, which covers more than just affairs, of which affairs probabily fall under as a GENERALIZATION in this age group. . . . . .<p>so relax, and enjoy the estimated probability so that one realizes that a solid, long lasting, relationship fix to the loss of the relationship is not a high probability answer, which reinforces the point that second marriages are higher risk due to a substantially reduced pool of high quality candidates. . . .<p>wiftty

Well, let's see. x left over 6 years ago. I live in a town of 1.2 million and I've dated one local guy in all that time. I want to know where the rest are.<p>Until I do, I must remain the princess of Caerlon. Had to invent my own kingdom so I could be somebody's princess. <p>Pretty sad, huh?