hello to everyone who reads this. hope you are all doing well.
after being separated from my husband for 9 months or so i am now feeling better not only about myself, but also what i am doing.
i met this cute, short, loving, sweet, charming, giving (and more) guy and i liked him very much the first time i saw him there was "chemistry". the only problem that i am having and probably have always had was that i don't like short guys, but i do like this one! i mean his wonderful. his height is the main problem. i hate feeling that way, but i enjoy spending my time w/him. how can i get over this height issue? the other problem would be that i take into consideration what my family or friends may say about him. they are so judgemental. it's hard. someone please help me/convince me/advise me. he's so wonderful that i feel absolutely nothing for my ex and don;t even think about him and that's how wonderful of a person he is. he gives me the love i've always yearned and i give the same and probably more love than he can take.
please give me some response. i want to stop caring what people say about him/us!

I think if you decide not to care what other people think it makes things alot easier.<p>He sounds like a neat fellow, don't let his height get in the way. <p>I can just imagine my next man writing somewhere about my big butt! AAACCCKKK.<p>We all have something that makes us different. But those are the things that make us loveable. <p>Elizabeth

My initial reaction?<p>You're making an issue out of something no one can control. Someone can try to be nicer, or quieter, or more bold, but no one can do much toward being taller. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sounds like you're perhaps looking for something wrong with him. *Maybe* because you're not ready for a relationship yet? <p>Spoken by someone who got into not just one but two relationships way too soon after separation. Take some time for yourself. Figure out what is really important to you. When you're ready, you won't second-guess whether he's right or wrong. You'll know, because you will have a better understanding of what you want and need.<p>Take care.

hello again. thank u for the responses. i think i did get in to fast with this guy. i think he's a great human being. now, the other problem i'm having is that he is so complicated for me. reason being is that i have to speak correctly. for instance i would say "hey what's up?" and he would respond " well... there are several things that are up, like the ceiling, the sky, the clouds, etc..." and i just gave him this look like 'you smartass" he knows what i menat to ask him. in other words i have to talk to properly, be specific and precise and all the b.s. and ahhhh i'm exhausted already. so guys i have to learn how to speak 'correctly/properly' when i talk ti him! he's so so i don;t know. please help or email at: anita_rosa@yahoo.com for a fast response [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Yesterday the only thing wrong with this guy was his height ... now he's correcting you (in other words, trying to change you) and I can't even tell you what I'd say to my boyfriend if he was suggesting that I speak more eloquently ...<p>You KNOW what I'm going to advise already!!<p> [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ February 20, 2002: Message edited by: Princess Buttercup ]</p>

How long have you known this "perfect" guy who is already making you change? (forget the height issue, that is a much lesser problem)... <p>Why not step back a bit, get divorced first, and then start thinking about dating (I know, I know, who am I to talk [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] . Been there done that, but at least I learned).<p>AGG

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>i want to stop caring what people say about him/us!<hr></blockquote><p>One more thing ... what are they saying and why? In some cases, it is GOOD to heed what people say ... people who know you and care about you.<p>When I was with my instant rebound boyfriend, people tried to warn me, and I dismissed them ... THIS was different, HE was different ... no, it wasn't; it was a textbook rebound. I should have listened ... but some things you just have to learn on your own.

Good morning everyone!
I don't want to take it as "change me". I just smile and tell him, "come on, you know what I am trying to say..." and like after a minute he says yes i know. He's just being a hard [censored]. But besides that everything is fine-- well from what i have seen. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
He's the total opposite of my ex. Which in many ways is excellent! I'm not rushing into anything either w/him. taking it easy. that's how i made the mistake with my ex b/c i rushed into things and besides the fact that i was young and naive and probably still am, but at least now i know what to expect... i think [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] . still learning and and wanting to learn so many things... so teach me good things and well
-ta ta

If he's the total opposite of your ex, what things attracted you to your ex, and what things attract you to your boyfriend?<p>The 'total opposite' statement always piques my curiosity!!

If its friendly chatter, trying to be light hearted and goody, that's one example of just having to adjust to a different person. . . however, if he is correcting your speech with your projections, then he has a point, and you need to work on yourself before dating. . . .<p>now, there are alot of possibilities out there, just remember the odds, and then remember the odds of meeting them on the first date. . . .<p>Now, this post is near and dear to my heart since I just had a very similar conversation with my girlfriend. . . . and yes, i was very tough on her about how to speak properly. . . and yes, i was all over her case about how she was speaking improperly. HOWEVER, i had my reasons, AND i was supporting her in her goals. . . that was a big difference. . . . my toughness was not for my ego, but for her preparation before a very tough, potentially emotionally charged meeting. . . there was no ego from me involved there. . . .<p>Why was i hard on her? because she had just criticized her X for probably going to do something, and then she went and did something similar to what she was criticizing her X for. . .
however, she was smart enough to realize what she was doing, and what i was doing, and afterwards, she spoke directly from the heart, which i received very readily, and easily, and could interpret correctly, and even recognized that what she finally responded with was what she was really trying to say, and i heard her, and put on paper, what she was trying to say so that she could really read it or memorize it before a potentially very emotionally charged meeting. . . .<p>However, educating your spouse can be a quick love bust IF you do it with only your ego involved, to make you feel good by criticizing others, instead of using compassion and support for the other person's goal . . . <p>since he is not your spouse, however, informing the other person how he wishes to be communicated with is not a love bust, as the meesage is a direct sign that says, this is how i choose to be interacted with and respected, and this is what i will accept. . . if you can't live up to that standard, then your friendship will not be invited for future . . . .<p>so if he is being direct, then he is doing you a great service. . . now the ball is in your court. . . however, if you are being very general and nonspecific, talking as if you are expecting the other person to know what you are implyingly chattering about, such as your speaking with lots of "thingy" words, then he is demanding a more educated, more responsive, more direct and intellectualized relationship. . . .<p>can you give him this? i prefer this type of relationship when in certain conditions, but i realize that this situation is not always present, and i cannot always be as precise as possible. . . so i can be tolerant with those that are not. . .<p>good luck. . . .