I was not sure what face to use for this post, sad or mad. I am tired of being sad, so it is the <b>mad</b> face!<p>I feel continuously dragged out, tired and frustrated. I sleep all the time, and the sleep seems to never do me any good.<p>I just was working on my train layout. I made three or four cuts in my woodshop and I am SHOT! Why is this happening? I need to see my GP. I am already on Prozac and am seeing a therapist, so I am fairly on top of my health situation. I will see what the Dr. has to say, though.<p>At the root of this, I believe, are my marital difficulties. I have a similar story to many on this and the EN boards. My wife loves me, but is not IN LOVE with me. If I read that phrase one more time I will vomit.<p>I feel like Thilo, who, stated that he wonders why he has to be continually suffering. I feel the same way. From one family crisis to another, and I am always the one turned to to pick up the pieces. I cannot even pick up my own pieces anylonger. Sheesh.<p>I told my wife that I am tired of waiting around for her to get on with things. I will be filing on her. She moved out in September of 2001 and has been living her own life, independent of me, since July of 2001. One of the many insane parts of this situation is that while I am the one who has been thrown out of work, I am also the one who has found the money to pay the legal fees of both my side AND hers.<p>This whole thing is crazy. I am the one who feels like a failure. My intellectual capacities have been reduced to that of a member of the US Congress, and that is pretty low. I used to be able to add, subtract, multiply and divide in my head (I have a degree in Mathematics and am a computer programmer). The other day I could not figure out the tip on a lunch bill. What the Hell is going on?<p>With out my friends in my town, on these boards and on IM, I do not know what the heck I would do.
I am tired of being tired.<p>Anyone else feel like I do? ( peter frampton )<p>
vb_guy

Do you, you, feel like I do.<p>Why yes sir. I have been there and back and then there and back again.<p>He cheats, I try to leave, he wants to get back together, I say ok, he falls off a building, but he never stopped seeing bimbette. Bimbette doesn't want him now that he doesn't walk or make good $, so I take care of him. Hospital, rehab, pt, ot, brain injury program, all the while taking care of my two little ones and helping to plan my sisters wedding. The seizures get worse, the brain damage continues, he becomes violent and suicidal. He gets taken by the police several times to the funny farm. I bring his clothes (no drawstrings) and make sure that the whole doctor team knows what is going on. He gets in car accidents, I go to the hospital to pick him up and then call the doctor to let him know [censored] is seizing again. He goes into the nuthouse after throwing a huge vaccuumm cleaner at me and I arrange for him to live in a elderly/disabled place. I move him in, I arrange for the rent to be paid. 3 year old spends a week in the hospital with pneumonia. The home calls, he can't keep up the little apartment, I go over there and clean it. I call human services to get him a home health aide. We have divorce court on the 11th, that night he has another car wreck. County sheriff calls, I go to the hospital. I take him back to the home then drag him to the neurologist the next morning. I tell neuro what's going on, he pulls [censored]'s drivers license permanently. I now drive [censored] to the Univ. Hosp for surgery. He had surg. on Tues. I am there when he gets out of recovery. I bring the kids to see him, I take the 8 year old to the shrink cause he is out of whack. I need to get the medical supplies to the home so he can be brought back there on Saturday. <p>Me me me, I I I. Oh, by the way, did I mention that I fractured my ankle last week and have a pretty cast? <p>It sucks to be the one who has to take care of everything. I wish sometimes that I could run away and not have any responsibilities for just a few hours. <p>My doc gave me some zanax for anxiety, to add to the 40mg prozac. I also have ambien to sleep and I self medicate once in a while as the situation warrants.<p>Sounds like your prozac needs a boost with you being tired so much, classic depression sign. <p>Anyway, my point is, I know what you mean, I feel for you, and I hope we can find a way out.<p>Elizabeth

sheesh, I got wore out just reading your post, don't know how you do it, but you are on my short list for woman of the year...good luck elizabeth, it will get better someday...someone always says that, very annoying I know, but best i can do [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>btw, did the divorce go through 2/11?<p>[ February 20, 2002: Message edited by: sad_n_lonely ]</p>

Oops, didn't mean to hijack your post guy, it is the pits for all of us.<p>SNL, yes, divorce went through, all final and everything. He is the kids father, and I will always love and take care of the [censored]. I am getting on with my life though. Thanks for thinking I'm cool.<p>When I start feeling like I have things the hardest and my pity party music gets louder and louder I remember my Uncle Chuck.<p>Uncle Chuck was in the Army, and just about a year after he married Roberta he dove into a pool and broke his neck. He was a quadrepelegic, but had enough use of his arms to kind of feed himself with specially made utensils and a big handled mug. <p>Roberta was a nurse by trade, so the Army paid her to take care of him. <p>They adopted 2 neat cousins of mine, and lived a nice life. He was a great dad. He was great at puzzles too - can't even begin to explain that one, and loved the Chicago Cubs. <p>He died of pneumonia several years ago, and dad was there. He said it was very peaceful, and that Chuck was glad he lead a full and happy life. <p>I guess it is all about perspective.<p>It is good for people to feel bad about things and not bury everything, but at a certain point it is time to take another pill (I'm good at that) and realize that there is always hope, and that things can get better with time and time and a tiny bit of faith.<p>This board it great. I love getting other peoples stories and realizing that I'm not the only one, and that things could be worse, and that things could be better. <p>At least we keep the shrinks in BMW's.<p>Elizabeth

You can see I am in the same mood these days, but.....
at some very short moments I hope that it would become better, don't know when, hope fast.
I also lost my intelligence, was/am PhD, [censored].prof... and for last 2 yrs didn't publish anything and my position/job becomes uncertain. Still can't concentrate on "my" microbes.
But if so many people say it can/will be better I try to believe. Rarely succeed and hope it becomes more often.
Unfortunately don't know how to pray but I am happy to realize others, who even don't know me, care so much so they do-AND IT MUST DO GOOD.<p>So, let's wait and try be better all of us, like my friends use to say: think positive (how easy is to say that and hard to do!)<p>After so much rain it has to start shining - I try to believe that in spite of the fact that here it hasn't stopped raining for last 2 months, the rainest winter in 30 yrs.<p>Be strong!

VB_guy I understand about the tired feeling. I am also a programmer, and find it extremely to difficult to concentrate. I have to take lots of breaks at work. I want to study further, but never seem to be able to find energy to get down to it. I go to dance class as a form of exercise and feel better after it, but still unable to do mental work. I thought initially it might be the anti deps making me lethargic, but I haven't taken for months, I think it is a little better now, but definately not the same as before all the [censored] started... Its difficult to wake up and be enthusiastic for the day ahead... Anyway maybe time fixes that too...<p>Pantha

Bingo. That's something too, exercise. <p>It can be a few toe touches in the kitchen or a couple of good stretches...<p>It gets the blood pumping a bit and always helps with the tired feeling I get when depressed and the meds need an adjustment. <p>I have suffered with depression since I was 14, and that is one of my little mind games I play to keep myself going till the new meds kick in.<p>Tired, let's trade! For some reason I keep thinking and the mind keeps going and I CAN'T GET TO SLEEP. <p>Well heck, It's only 5am.<p>Elizabeth

For all those who are tired, have you had your thyroid levels checked? My H had problems with his and tiredness is a major symptom. His was cancerous which leads to more emotional problems (but this cancer won't kill him).

VB-guy, I have nothing new or especially useful to write. But I just wanted to let you know that it won't last forever. I'm not going to try to pump you up with a bunch of adages and hande-me-down bits of wisdom. You'll emerge from this cocoon someday--and I believe you'll be amazed at the wonderful metamorphosis that's happening even now as you feel thoroughly mired in misery.<p>Good luck and God bless.

Hello, All:<p>First, let me thank all of you who responded to my post. It is always good to know that there are others out there who care what I am going through and who, going through the same things, can understand.<p>Second, I am very sorry that there are so many of you who can identify with me. You are all such wonderful people, not one of you deserve any of this.<p>Third, I do hope that this fatigue lifts, and I will have another checkup done where the thyroid is looked at. Thank you for the sound advice. I am amazed at how much this event in my life has affected my intellectual capabilities; I feel that my answer to every question posed to me should be a yawn and 'duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'. Oh, well.<p>
Thank you, everyone, again, for your thoughtful and kind words to me.<p>
God Bless,
vb_guy<p>[ February 21, 2002: Message edited by: vb_guy ]<p>[ February 21, 2002: Message edited by: vb_guy ]</p>