My situation:
I'm the wayward spouse.
Married 16 yrs.
Have Kids
Love my wife.
no affairs in 3 years
She has known about the affairs for the past year
Wife can't forgive me, she wants D, expects me to make it up to her and kids, wants everything - all assets / child support /allimony - most of all wants me to suffer then die.<p>My problem:
I don't want to D, but realize that the root of the affairs was the fact that I didn't know how to handle the mood changes and seemingly multiple personalities of my wife. Now, with the A in the open the issues that I had with her in the past are totally magnified. It's my fault, I know it, but I can't live with her if she doesn't change.
I need to talk this situation out. She continually tells me that I can win her back. She continually tests me and fails me, but allows me to test again, then tells me I'll never change.
I am confused, lost, desperate. "By the way if there are any spouses that want to get even with thier WS just do what my wife is doing. It far surpasses any torture, expect what she is most likely feeling."<p>How do I start talking about this? How do I get through the D. and continue to support my kidds and wife? Most of all how do I decide if I should fight to keep the marraige vs. let it go because her (our) issues will always prevent us from ever being happy.<p>Sorry if I sound pathetic, I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm looking for a way to analyze my situation and to decide what is best for our family.

Hey blewit,
I was/am in your wife's situation and can understand her penchant for revenge! However, maybe if you back off a little and show her what a quality human being you CAN be and focus on the future, she might come around. I know if my husband would have been patient w/ me, we wouldn't be getting a divorce now. If she has mood swings, she probably has a ton of conflicting feelings about you...I know from experience. She could be getting some negative advice from certain people, too. A good, christian-based marriage counselor may put things in perspective....best wishes to you.

I'm new to this, but did it occur to you that some of the problems in your marriage were due to the fact that your energies were outside of the marriage, ie. in your affairs. Time away from the family & inattention to your spouse for emotional or domestic support may have been a signficant cause for her emotional rollercoaster.
My spouse wasn't wayward, just physically and emotionally unavailable to me or the kids for 4.5 years, but now wants them 50% of the time.
My husband states that he wants it work, but has shown no evidence or work. Step up to the plate.

Well yes u f*$ked up.
At least you realise your mistakes, and it takes a real man to know when he messed up.
You know you hurt her,
It takes time.
I don't like to hear of anyone getting divorced, especially when children involved.
And trust me on this, if she does Divorce you, you will hardly see your kids, and she'll take you for every penny you have.
This is a scorned woman your dealing with and they can and will get revenge. The justice system is on there side.<p>What you can do,
Go to church with your family. PREY TO GOD! I can't stress that enough!
Goto family councilling .
And kiss the ground your wife walks on.
If your lucky in time she will forgive and forget. But it will take YEARS! Not weeks or months, YEARS. Be patient, and walk on egg shells.<p>Good luck Buddy,<p>PS If she does divorce you come to http://www.dadsdivorce.com/ for advice

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by chelle02:
<strong>Hey blewit,
I was/am in your wife's situation and can understand her penchant for revenge! However, maybe if you back off a little and show her what a quality human being you CAN be and focus on the future, she might come around. I know if my husband would have been patient w/ me, we wouldn't be getting a divorce now. If she has mood swings, she probably has a ton of conflicting feelings about you...I know from experience. She could be getting some negative advice from certain people, too. A good, christian-based marriage counselor may put things in perspective....best wishes to you.</strong><hr></blockquote>