My husband has always thought about his ex-girlfriends. I recently found out that he was inquiring about a certain one. He has not found her and says he only wants to know how she's doing? He recently made a trip to his hometown, where this girl is also from.
I now feel that he went up there because number one he made the decision without consulting me about it, in the past through out our 13 years of marriage he had never wanted to make the visit.
I confronted him with the issue and said that he has thought about her for 18 years, 13 of those he has been married to me. He says he has not had any contact with her, or inquired about her to his sister (she's his sisters best friend). I found out last night that he did ask his sister if she was still living in Louisiana.
I feel this was an emotional affair and he says not because it was not sexual, but since he has lied to me in the past I now can't believe when he is telling me the truth.
I asked the sister for her information and she replied that she can't remember where it is, I now believe that the only reason she could tell where she was was because she doesn't remember. I now feel how long before there is actual contact.
Please help, am I blowing this out of porportion or should I be concerned. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.<p>Helpless in Florida ykittell@hotmail.com

Hi Styveek,
I would be concerned. I was contacted by my old BF almost a year ago. Your H may think that he just wants to know how she is doing, but when contact is made, it does not take long for old feelings to come to the surface and the flames to re-ignite.<p>I'm sorry that this is happening. I know all to well what can happen in this kind of situation. If there is anything in particular you would like to know, let me know. Also, you might want to try posting under GQII. You will get a lot more responses.
1step

I agree.<p>I was contacted by an old BF last summer. Haven't seen him in over 25 years, but I have thought about him and wondered how he was. We were a very steady couple in High School and had I not gone off to college, we probably would have married.<p>The contact this old BF had was very innocent and above board (but his wife wasn't present). It was in a group of others from high school, but we did talk one-on-one, and did very innocently wonder aloud to each other...."wonder what would have happened, yada, yada, yada." Nothing happened and nothing ever would (we live 3,000 miles away) and are both very dedicated Christians. Believe me...I would NEVER allow that to happen. And he wasn't hitting on me at all...just friendly chatter.<p>However, 1stepatatime is right....it does bring up old feelings. And it's surprising how strong this feelings are. He is happily married, I am separated. And like I said, I would NEVER do that (mess around). NEVER.<p>But looking back at the "good old days" and "pining" for someone can really mess up your feelings. I would be concerned if I were you. I don't personally think your H has an EA since he didn't even talk to her, but it could easily develop into one, in my opinion, if he pursues it. And whether he has sex with her or not, it could still be an EA, which is no good either.<p>I don't know what to say beyond that or how to help you and your H. Just that when you play with fire, 9 times outta 10, you're gonna get burned. Why play at all? Is he going thru mid life? Why does he want to "find out about her?"<p>I would be concerned about that. And are there other issues in your marriage that need attention? Think hard and look hard. Don't just assume everything is okay....I'm not saying he's on the verge of an affair....just don't ignore any red flags.<p>Keep us informed. And hopefully you won't become a permanent member of this forum.<p>Aloha,
Ms.O<p>[ February 21, 2002: Message edited by: Ms.O ]</p>