I never understood how couples went from being totally in love to being divorced and now I am in the middle of it and I still don't understand.<p>I have posted in the general questions area but now it appears we are headed down the divorce road. My W said the M was over for her in 9/01 but never said anything to me about her unhappiness. Instead, she started an affair with my married boss. I never saw it coming because I trusted them both completely. I exposed the affair 12/18/01 and her family and friends know as well. She continues it and insists that our M has been over and it's too late to fix. She won't even try to reconcile. She thinks A is seperate from our M and not interferring in her decisions.<p>I started reading a couple of books from Dr. Harley and I completely understand what she is going through and how this all happened. However, I can't seem to be able to take the pain anymore and we are selling our house and getting seperate places. She hasn't filed yet and the house doesn't seem to affect her any.<p>My question is just how much should I help her out given the fact that she is continuing the A and wants to be on her own. How much financial support should I give her until the D becomes final? I have been the primary income earner and she just plans to move in with her parents because she can't afford anything on her own. She wants to keep her truck but she can't qualify for it on her own if we transfered the title to her name only.<p>I don't want to seem like a jerk and not help her but on the other hand, she is forcing this not really talking to me about anything anymore. Please help with any advice you have.

No kids I assume? It's kind of hard to try and figure this one out because I don't know much about your situation, how long you have been married, or even your general ages.<p>Toss me an email with a bit more details if you'd like, and I'll see what I can come up with for you. I'm great at other peoples problems, but a basket case when it comes to my own!<p>Elizabeth
elizabethwilkie@yahoo.com

if you have children then the court will set the amounts and you do have an obligation to help them and make sure they are taken care of, If you have no children then you are free and every thing should be divided equal, depending on how long you have been married. Do not give into anything finacial, with the hopes that she will come back because you were good to her in a divorce.

Some more information...<p>2 kids ages 8 and 4. Wife works part time and has summers off. We had this plan so the kids wouldn't be raised by daycare providers because we felt that time with their mom was worth way more than what a full time job would pay. Well, now she feels like I should help her financially because she doesn't have a full time job and doesn't want to be married. <p>Alaska doesn't have alimony so I'm not obligated legally. She is moving in with her parents and we plan to split custody 50/50 if that's possible. My job may not allow me to have them stay with me that much but I want to try.<p>Any advice from others who have gone through this? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

I think that if you saw the value of the children having mom around most of the time when you were married to her it should not make much of a difference if you aren't married to her. I guess what I mean is - the decisions made during the marriage regarding the children's best interest shouldn't be voided just because the marriage is over, their best interest remains the same. <p>That probably isn't the answer or advice you were hoping for, but for what it's worth it is from the heart. <p>Especially now with the seperation of their parents the children need to have some things remain constant. I'm not sure how this will add up in dollar amounts, but if she is living with her folks it shouldn't be too crazy. In Wisconsin for 2 children child support is 25% of the payers income.<p>If you are going to have the children 50% of the time I see no reason why they can't cut your states percentage in half. <p>I'm always happy to hear about daddies who take such a great interest in their children and want to spend lots of time with them. Good for you. Guys like you restore my faith in men.<p>Elizabeth