Michelle<p>make an appointment to see your doctor and get a perscription for a anti-depressants. . .
lorzapam worked really well for me, but there are other options, as you can read up on them. . .<p>that will help your mental state. . .<p>secondly, remember, his actions are his, not yours, do not take responsibility for him, and do not judge him, meaning we all try to make ourselves feel better by convincing ourselves that he will miss us, and if only he came to his senses, that he would love us. <p>This is where fog induces fog, and take time to work on yourself, take only responsibility for yourself, and as hard as it is, try concentrating on stabilizing yourself. . . . happiness comes from your effort, and your accomplishments, not his. . . so slow down, and follow cinderella's plan. . . .<p>wiftty

Remember, I already said call the locksmith. That's why it wasn't on the list. <p>My x said the same thing. <p>But my attorney said that he had establishe residence elsewhere and I could do it. Really made me feel a lot safer. A LOT.<p>And Paxil worked well for me.

Well Guys it's Thursday. I leave at 4:55 PM to AZ. I have packed and am at work. I will go straight to the airport at 2:30 and just leave my truck in the parking garage at O'hare. That way I have it on Monday morniNG when I come home.<p>I am very upset that I am going alone but I have to learn to be alone right. When I come home I will be filing for divorce and going down that checklist of Cinderella's. This choice to leave me hanging with my family (I would never do that to him!) is the last straw for me. I am definately done living as a chess piece (a Pawn)in his world. He is not the man everyone knew, respected and loved and I do not wish to go through this pain anymore. I just want this over as soon as possible. We will sell all the toys (or he will come up with the cash to pay me for half)and divide the assets 50/50 and go on to live separate lives. One thing about me, once I sign those papers, I will never go back. I have always been that way. I know now I have done everything I can to save my marriage and help him heal....It is him who did not do his part, because he is obsessed with this woman. Everyone will know in time what happened and I will not be the one who spread it around. It always happens that way. He will have then lost the love and respect from his friends and family and will end up sad and alone and it will be WAY TOO LATE for him to say to me, "Can we try again". Funny I have a feeling he is the only one in this mess who will end up sad & lonely. But that if that is the path his soul chose, then so be it.<p>Yes, I will always love him deep in my heart, once I find my heart again, that is. All I want right now is for him to find happiness. Because what we are living right now, is surely not that! Thats what unconditional love is all about. I love him enough to let him go find his own happiness. Of corse at this point I too am on a path to find happiness. This year of pain and anguish has left me very cold and empty.<p>Hey any books on starting over and recovring from a hurtful divorse, that are good?<p>Thanks everyone for listening and giving great advise. I want you all to know you are appreciated and not taken for granted! <p>Love & Light Michelle<p>[ February 28, 2002: Message edited by: eyes_wide_shut ]</p>

There are tons of books on the subject. There's a discount bookstore near me which has saved me quite a bit of money. I'm not through all of them, but one was written together by a lawyer & a psychologist, and other is called Fresh Start Workbook for the Separated & Divorced. And the clerk has been kind enough to search out other titles for me, and even offer his 20% discount. I've also gone to two support groups in my area, so check in those. Free therapy from people who are farther down the road then you and I. I've bought a journal, but find I could literally cut & paste from this discussion board my impressions of my marriage, my life, etc. My H's control issues and emotional abuse were not recognized by me before, but its textbook stuff.
Everyone keeps telling me to take care of myself, so you need to do the same. Enjoy your trip. Work on you. Good luck.

Thanks! I will hit the book store ont he way to airport.<p>Michelle

(((((Michelle))))))<p>
Consider this the first step of many on your way to a better life. Hey, I got a two page article at church this weekend and everytime I tried to throw it away I stopped because I kept thinking of all the people I'd like to share it with. I don't have time to type it but I could fax it over to you if you'd like.<p>E-mail me your fax # if you'd like me to send it. We'll miss you while your gone and I hope you have a great time.<p>Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

Thanks Bill. <p>You will be proud of me. I think I found and attorney. Got a referral from a friend here at work. His brohter does Divorce. This guy is a good friend and I know won't tell the office, becasue he has known for a year now and hasn't said a word. I have family who does this sort of thing, but I would like to leave all family out of this. <p>I will make an appointment to see him next week when I get back.<p>Michelle

Little reality note. Just rcvd a call from the OWH, he found some sick proof that his wife has been having an PA in his house with her new boyfriend. Lets say it has to to with X-Rated videos and body lotion he found not quite in order like it was last time he put the stuff away. I guess he has been trying to find signs and boy did he! He is so upset. I wish I could have consoled him but instead all I thought was about how my H is chasing this woman and ready to give up everything without seeing the cards in the table, right in front of his eyes!<p>So anyway I feel bad cuz instead of helping through this time, I was selfish and thought about my own situation.<p>Michelle

Okay, I am going to bejust fine!<p>I am in AZ and having a great time! Havent been with family yet. Tomorrow for a few hours and Sunday for a few hours. Today My cousin and his wife and I went pool side got some sun and met a lot of great people. There is a huge golf tournament going on here this weekend and the resort is packed. Tonight we are going to a pool party and if we get back early enough a couple of the golfers invited us to a party here in a suite!<p>I am going to wear my new french cut, budwiser bakini with a sundress over it. For the first time in a long time I feel fun and attractive.<p>Gotta run, Will write later!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by eyes_wide_shut:
<strong>I am going to wear my new french cut, budwiser bakini with a sundress over it. For the first time in a long time I feel fun and attractive.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>What is a "Bakini"?<p>If it's anything like a "Bikini" I'm gonna jump in my Grand-am and point towards Arizona.<p>BTW It's snowing here.<p>Have a great weekend and don't do anything I wouldn't do. I guess that means you can do just about anything you want.<p>Later,

okay...okay.. I told you guys this place needs spell check!<p>I had so much fun last night! Not feeling so great this AM but I am going to try and sweat it off on the treadmill.<p>No details about last night but I am smiling!!! I really think this trip is what I needed to get my head on. I go home Monday and then leave Saturday, a week form today, for Hollywood, FL. I have a Customs confrence for 6 days. The guy from CA will be at this conference. I have done a great job avoiding him face to face, but the moment of truth is soon ahead.<p>Well I am off to run many miles. Have a great day friends!!!<p>M

Update from Eyes????