My Husband moved out of our house on 2/16 and I found out he had an affair on 2/17 with an assistant in his office. I work in HR for the same company and therfore know this person. He lied up to that point and said there was no one else, but I now find that he moved clear accross town to be by her. We have a 16 month old daughter who is wonderful. He is bringing over papers tonight for me to sign so he can sell our house and he sent me an e-mail today about the schedule for him to see our daughter every other weekend (which I know is his right). I am trying all of the Divorce Busting techniques but he still seems set on getting a divorce. He says the SOS that he loves me but can't imagine being married to me for the rest of his life and that he isn't sure he ever should have married me. He says that his A has nothing to do with our M??? Won't go to counseling. <p>Even though I try to be strong, usually when I see him I break down and cry because this it's so hard watching someone you love walk out of your life. I just feel that I am not seeing any results from my DB and wonder if I should even keep it up or just give up! Help

Have you read the material on this site and not just Michelle Weiner Davis's Divorce Busting? Both sites have useful information...<p>Read as much as you can about emotional needs (EN) and minimizing love busters (LB)...<p>When there is a sexual affair involved the proberbial "fog" the WS (wayward spouse) is in can last from six months to two years... You have to read as much as you can about what I said above... ENs and LBs<p>It's not a fun road... but for your child's sake you must do what you can and hopefully your WS will realize his pursuit of "happiness" is fleeting. <p>Sorry that you're having to go through all of this.<p>So, workplace fraternization... hmmm, it's so common. That you're both working for the same company... what will be the corrective action for this type of behavior? <p>Take care,
Nicole

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. If your darling daughter is only 16 months old I wonder if a whole weekend away from mom is the best idea. There are guidelines regarding visitation with young children, and I am pretty sure that they reccommend frequent short visits and no overnights until the child is about 3 years old. I will see if I can find any links for you about this, there have been studies done and all that jazz to back it up. <p>Elizabeth

I'm so sorry you are going through this.<p>What your husband is doing is classic! Sams old song and dance that we've all heard. He is saying nothing new. Not that this helps you feel any better. But is it also classic that the husband wants to get things over and done with ie. divorce ASAP. <p>I would not be rushed into anything. Make sure you have a lawyer look over anything he gives you. Also, I woudl agree that a whole weekend away from mom at 16 months may be a little traumatic for your child. It;s usually one night away per year of child - so I'd ease into two nights. Especially before the divorce is final.<p>Usually there is some type of temporary arrangement that the court puts into place before the divorce is final.<p>This is all hitting you so fast that you show not be afaid to tell him to slow things down a bit - he may have been preparing for this, but you have not and you don't want to be taken of financially right now.<p>Know that at this time your husband is not thinking about your best interest or even the best interest of your child. He is being selfish ie. the affair and therefore can only think of himself.<p>Affairs are likened to addictions, so think of it as if he's on drugs or something.<p>Usually the divorcebusting doesn't work when spouse in the middle of an affair - and rushing into a divorce. You can however, read up on Plan A and Plan B here and see if one works for you - BUT don't let him railroad you into anything right now and being nice to him won't make him nice to you.<p>You need time. Time for him to face some reality of what he is doing. And you need some time to digest this.<p>Make sure you have a support system in place - friends, family, counselor, priest/minister, and God. You will need someone to be there to help you through this.<p>I just finished ready the book "Dumped" and it described exactly what we're going through - and don't ever believe that the affair has nothing to do with his decision making. Read SAA (Surviving an Affair) and you'll realize it has Everything to do with what is happening.<p>Make sure you read the info. on this site so that you will have a better understanding of what is happening to you right now, so that you can make some good decisions amongst all the pain.<p>Just take it one hour, one day at a time and you'll get through this.<p>Protect yourself financially and custody wise.<p>God Be With You. K

Elizabeth,
I would interested in those links as well.
Thanks

I am divorce busting even though I am in the final stages of a divorce. She is dating what used to be her friend; they are more than friends now.<p>Divorce Busting is a process that allows you to change yourself. It will help you dealing with your spouse or X, future relationships, children, friends, etc. It is just a process of trying new things to make your relationships better.<p>Keep DBing.