You know what. I really don't want to talk to the X.. I'm Divorced, Period. Yes we have a child. Yes I will do want ever it takes to love and support that child. I would even take over the hospital like in the John Q movie. I would move heaven and earth for my Daughter. <p>But these phone calls from the X. Jez-Louise, Holy Moly. The X just absolutetly doesn't get it.<p>The X called last night and said I needed to talk to D about school. Before I got her on the phone I wanted a little upfront info on just what it was that I was to talk to her about and what direction she (the X) wanted me to take it, so I said would be in support of the X. <p>Well, it seemed the D forgot to get something done for school (private school) and after talking to the D for about 5 minutes I realized that she not only didn't do the school work but lost the paperwork.. <p>Ok been there done that. The D is of the age were she should have more responsibility and know better.. But I was supportive of both D and Xs needs and requirments. <p>After it was over the X gets back on the phone and starts making small talk about how cold it was at the D soccer pratice, yadayadayada. I made the comment "At least it wasn't raining,because they will play in the rain" at which point I did a deep throat giggle as if to make the comment in passing. Well that set the X off. Holy Moly. <p>It went from chit chat to the liitle house of horrors. I said I had to go and hung up.<p>This morning the X calls me on the cell phone and continues to explain why she had me talk to the D. That she wanted me to calm her down. I asked if I was successfull in doing so to which she(X) said yes.. Then went into the exact same statements, a freakin carbon copy. Word for Word.<p>Man I hate that.. <p>Last Saterday I called over to her house to find out what time the soccer game was and I got an ear full. Animal control this, the girl my D had over that. So I just said "Sorry I called" and Hung up.. About 3 minutes later the X called me and started in on me. I told her that I understood that she was having a hecktic morning but that doesn't give you the right to take it out on me.. <p>What a control freak.. <p>Am I wrong here? Jezzzzzz.<p>Maybe this is another topic for the I'm Sooooo Glad post.. <p>Tex..

Hey, I know the feeling. . .<p>when i listen to griping, I don't respond, silence . . . basically, my X looks for sympathy that way. . . and sympathy is everything. . .<p>But i will tell you, after sitting and watching my son's basketball practice last night, at the end, he came over to me and after weeks of me making suggestions on how to improve, and he blows me off, says, "OK, dad, show me how to dribble. . ." well that was great. . . I showed him, he practiced, has a bit too much "easily give up," but he is slowly getting it. . . this after a great week with me on vacation, although not without conflict, but great. . .<p>however, now when i drop the kids off, X runs and hides, conveniently busy, and the other day, invited me in to watch something, and then stood behind the door out of my sight. . . . I don't say anything good to her when i do talk, but i don't volunteer chit chat, and i don't respond to pleas for sympathy. . . . basically she is an adult, and chose this path, she can damn well live with it. . . .<p>oh, and i usually do not chit chat with people who treat me this way. . . . basically, i have better activities to do with my life. . .
so, i reach that point faster because i drop not so subtle hints. . . . but i agree with your approach. . . .

It depends on a lot of things. Who initiated divorce? It sound like she is having a hard time detaching from you. But the statement about soccer practice could mean she is overwhelmed with single parent duties. maybe you could offer to take D next time. <p>I think if she initiated the divorce then maybe you should not participate in chit chat until she has healed and learned about detaching. <p>You should be able to get all the game times and practices from the coach. <p>I divorced my H (and later remarried) because I thought the divorce would help me to heal and move on. Then I realized he is going to be a part of my life anyway while raising the kids and we had to learn to be civil through it all. After healing took place our marriage was restored. Anyway... not that that is what is going to happen. I just wanted to point out that you both have healing that needs to take place before you can enter into a friendship no matter who initiated the divorce. And it is a learning experience to detach from someone you shared your life with so closely. But if she is in the habit of angry outbursts, I would say drop the chit chat, don't try and be friends for at least a year to give yourselves time to heal. Before calling your ex to ask her ANYTHING ask yourself: is there someone else I can get this info from: a teacher, a coach, etc. Have it be a strictly business relationship regarding daughter.

I finally got to where I wouldn't pick up the phone when my X called since I have caller ID on my cell, home and work. He would automatically find something negative about the way I was handling something with the girls. However, my girls are 16 & 17, so I really don't have to talk to him, they are old enough to form their own opinion of him and if they want to call him they are more than welcome to.<p>The ironic side of this story is I work 2 jobs to support them and he has not one time in the 2 yrs we have been divorced picked them up for a weekend or Wednesday night. He lives around the corner from me. He has accused me of being a bad mother, letting the girls run the streets because I am never there, etc., etc. - on and on. He has not even attended any of their after school activities in this time frame. Anyway, he has lost his 17 yr old, she has not talked to him in 5 months and probably never will again. That tears me up, but I'm not getting in the middle of it.<p>The sad thing is, he is remarried and should be able to get on with his life and deal with his girls in an adult manner. I know both of my girls miss the male role model image; however, I'm engaged to a wonderful man and will be married shortly. My fiance will eventually replace their dad and he will get all the respect from my girls. I wish it were different, but I'm tired of the battle and I moved on in a positive direction for the sake of my girls and my own sanity.

The only thing I can think of is that the X has never learned how to let go control of a situation.. Any situation. She has got to be in control.. Control of the topic, control of the direction it takes, control of who says what. <p>To LoveNProtect: I filed. and it was EZ to get it done for the grand majority of items, we didn't even have to go for mediation. We talked and we got it done. I think she let it happen because she felt guilty for being a WS, but I don't much care.. And I do take the D to 50+% of the practices, amoung other things. <p>I call over to say good night to the D almost every night around 9Pm. This has been going on for the last 2 years. And yet she still insists on answering the phone.. I would think that after lenght of time, the awareness that my D can read w/o a problem, has caller ID, etc. that she would let D pick the phine up at 9Pm if my name is on the ID..<p>This is exactly one of the reasons I got divorced in the first place.. <p>As far as the chit chat goes, I don't have to much choice.. <p>She doesn't talk to anybody else like this.. Yet she will talk to all of her family in this negative manner.. I think it was her bad upbringing by her father.. ANd she never learn to let go..<p>Anyway, I'm babbling.. I'll get by.<p>Tex.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by AgoodManInTexas:
<strong>I call over to say good night to the D almost every night around 9Pm. This has been going on for the last 2 years. And yet she still insists on answering the phone.. I would think that after lenght of time, the awareness that my D can read w/o a problem, has caller ID, etc. that she would let D pick the phine up at 9Pm if my name is on the ID..<p>Tex.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>How old is your daughter? Get her her own line that you pay for or get her a cell phone that you pay for? <p>I pay for the cell so I sort of can keep with OS (17.5) but his dad calls him on it all the time. He doesn't call the house much to talk to the boys, our line is the same as the computer line and is always busy.