Just wondering if any of you tried to seperate from your WS in an effort for them to figure out what it is that they really wanted in life before divorcing or filing for divorce. It is hard to let her go but maybe being on her own will help her sort out her life. I don't want to make her feel pressured by me trying too hard to make things right. Where is the balance? Seperation? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Sorry your going through this painful time.<p>Breifly...H of 21 years told me he had had enough and wanted out....said he was just not happy. after a lot of pain and anguish....I just let him go. By doing this...I am hoping it will give him the space he needs to figure things out. I am also applying DB (divorce busting skills) Acting as if etc. We have 3 kids 21 17 15 really tough on them.
No one can make decisions for you but YOU, but if your mariage is not happy and S doesnt want to fix anything....maybe the ONLY choice for now anyhow is to let go, and hope they will see what they left behind. Grass isnt greener etc.<p>Just a thought
keep smiling and hang in there

Separation really hurt me. A month after I moved out she started dating and within a another month OM is practically living with her. She has admitted to sleeping with him but she denies having sex. To me it's still adultery and now I'm seriously considering D.

WS moved out quickly I had no choice, I feel separation was good for me we divorced not my choice, but being separated allowed me to move forward and get my life back together, it think it was better being alone when divorce did come,

I think separation only works if there is no op. My x moved out and moved in to a cheap motel with om. She got scared and moved to another, better hotel, while om went home to take care of his wife. <p>I invited x for 4th of July picnic and she told me she wasn't sure because she had to move again because they put her in a jacuzzi suite and she couldn't afford it. She came later that day and when I asked if she moved, she said no, om was paying for it.<p>A week later when I was out of town, she left a message crying she couldn't find a place to live. When I got home the next day, there was a note saying she found a place, took money out of our saving and was moving the next day. <p>I wasn't going to help her move, but she threatened to have om help her move. So I did.<p>om moved in the next week, because he didn't want her to be alone.<p>I think if you separate, it only allows the affair to carry on unhindered. The separation is supposed to cause hardship for the ws and make them realize what they are giving up.<p>I think with the change in society with woman especially making more money now, there doesn't seem to be that hinderance. <p>In my case, x had it better at hotel, pool, jacuzzi in room, maid service. It was a vacation. Then she found her and om's love nest and that was pretty much it. I really didn't have much of a chance.<p>If you can get to suffer some hardships, make her pay, live in a rundown place it might work, it also depends on om. Can and will he provide for her. I think om had his mother bankrolling him for some reason or he is good at the stockmarket.

RWD's advice would be appropriate if there weren't a child involved... We can't let any babies get carried off by rodents!<p>I do think seperation let's them justify and rationalize the new relationship. <p>Elizabeth

I was the cheating spouse. I personally think if we'd separated first, instead of waiting for my ex to find another woman to cheat with, we would never have gotten the divorce. By the time I'd gotten a taste of life without him, it was too late. He was too angry and hardened to want to hear about reconciling.