Got home later than I expected last night due to my accountant called at the last minute asking to move my 2001 Income Tax appointment from 6:00p to 7:00p.<p>So...by the time we were done and as I left his office, I realized that for 2002, I too will be able to claim a fairly large part ownership of those signs you see posted around the country which read "Your Federal Tax Dollars At Work"!<p>Once home, had the local Jazz FM station on in the back ground and heard a pre-promo spot about the Oprah show asking listeners to tune in to see Dr. Phil talk about his view on how couples can deal with the issues and damage from an affair.<p>Various couples came on separately to "Talk" with Dr. Phil and Oprah and the men all confessed to their actions. Dr. Phil challenged all the men to look at why they turned outside of their marriage for something, for what ever reason was lacking in their marriage. He also asked the women to look at themselves (Was not blaming the wives for their husbands behavior) and to feel and claim their pain and truly examine where they wanted to go in their marriage and how they could work to have the greatest chance to heal...and begin to try and forgive.<p>The last couple...husband came forward previuosly and openly told his wife of his EA that turned into a PA...he was still in the marriage and was torn (The Fog?) about what he wanted to do...as he looked at this triad he was now a part of he was stuck and had not made a "Decision" and openly admitted that to Dr. Phill. His wife in her own way...seemed to be saying...that she was in what looked very much like the classic MB Plan A. Was not going to throw him out...have the locks changed...and for her and their children...at this point was NOT going to put a gun to his head to drive his behavior to get their marriage back. While she was sharing her feelings and emotion, you could see she ver very sad and hurt...I felt and sensed that even with all the pain and hurt, she felt her path was the best for her at this particular point in time.<p>They were running short on time but Dr. Phil closed explaining his ultimate concern was for the wife and that her "hanging-in" there was a huge concern to him...and he ended the show strongly commenting that it was important for him...that the wife understand he was "Extremely Concerned"...what that behavior would do to her and the children (He did not give specifics)<p>My take was that while he did not come right out and say it..(Tryin not to mind read)...he may not be much of a believer or an advocate of Plan A.<p>Did anyone see the show...Comments from anyone who saw the segment just before the end of the show?<p>
mr r <p>[ February 27, 2002: Message edited by: mrrlk ]<p>[ February 27, 2002: Message edited by: mrrlk ]</p>

Hi,<p>I saw the show and have to agree with you ... I too saw the pain in that womens face. I have to agree with Dr. Phil.... when he said...."I'm worried about what this is doing to you" I too tried the plan a thing... and I failed....
I think I had so much anxiety and all that I couldn't GRASP the consepts of plan a and plan b.<p>When I think back to the times during the affair and before my H left and filed for the divorce, I was a mess... in about 8 months... I was down 65lbs... I questioned everything I did.... I guess you could say, I was trying to compete with the OW... little did I understand at that time.... I could never compete with her.... and with the plan a thing, you get no...Thank you's ...nice job etc... from the ws. They don't even like to look at you.... and the CHILL is on. My ex ... when we we're in bed, it was like sleeping with a ice cube. I had never felt so horrible in my life. I remember thinking to myself... I just wish I would have gone to sleep and never woke up. I can now say that I believe that a person can die from a broken heart. <p>This process is so very hard to go through... I would question WHY this was happening to me... was I that bad of a person?? Is God punishing me??? Why would I be handed something so horrible and painful??<p>If you really want to see what happen after the show, husband #3 really opens up.... and so do the other husbands. Go to WWW.oprah.com and click on after the show. Its amazing what was said. I think it was better than the whole show.
I also think Dr. Phil could do a show on "moving on" for the ones of us that had to go through the divorce when thats what we didn't want. <p>When I hear or read of people starting to go through this trial... painful... heartbreaking stuff, I feel so bad for them.... I still think that my exh's death would have been easier... than he leaving me for the ow. I really think I would have been farther along in the recovery process. <p>Anyway.... ya know what... Husband #3 sounded just like my exh during the affair. when you listen to what happen after the show... H#3 talks about wanting to move out and and "think"... well, we all know what that means.... he'll have the OW there in a flash. Sad but true.<p>I don't think the ws will ever have any idea as to what degree they have hurt the BS. No, I'm not looking to be a victim.... I am and will be a survivor to all this madness. Its just a long and hard process... but I'm planning on coming out on the other end eventhough I know my exh is planning on getting married to the ow.<p>Well, I think I've rambled on long enough.
Please listen to after the show portion....
Its worth it.<p>blessings,
s