I am very nervous about tomorrow. My husband's best friend is a divorce attorney, so he is drawing up our separation agreement. I am not looking forward to tomorrow. In one breath my husband is saying he wants to change, but has not gone through with any of the promises he's made, and as I expected would happen, he is starting to not want to go to any more counciling (we've only been there once). Even the counselor said he didn't know if he could help us.<p>I realize he is not going to change, and the safety risk to me of being pushed around or beaten up worse than the last time I saw him is too great for me to face. I have made my decision, but can't help but feel bad for him. He is not facing reality, and that is going to be so hard for him. I have so much support. I wish it had not come to this. <p>How do you get through this? I know I need to take my life back (we have only been married 3 1/2 years, but together for 9). But, I am not sure how to handle all these emotions, and to logically get the things done that need to be done. Thank goodness there are no kids, and no house to deal with. I just wish there could be an end to this!!<p>Thanks for listening

I am always happy to hear of a woman taking positive steps in removing herself from a dangerous situation. Good for you, and keep yourself safe.<p>I find myself feeling sorry for [censored] and trying to do what I can to take care of him, but reality set in today in a painful way. He has shown no respect for me, and therefore does not deserve or warrant my kindness. Don't get sucked back in by an abusive relationship. He is not your responsibility, and you are not his only hope in life. Look at your feelings from an outsiders perspective, and however hard it is to detach and make that change you must. Every inch given is a mile taken. When you notice, it is too late.<p>Can you tell I've had a bad day? Oh well.<p>Be safe.<p>Elizabeth

Hi ljem:
I really feel for you! I'm in a similar spot!
Please continue to post here! I need someone like you who is going through it too!!...<p>After confronting my H through counseling, he has said, "You've changed, I can't change, guess we have to divorce." So the divorce papers will be ready on Monday a.m. and I take them to review with my attorney in the afternoon. <p>I'm afraid of the legal process and hate the whole idea of divorce! But I hate the abuse too and know I can't keep on living like this (we've been married nearly 16 years). I want a real marriage and family life (2 kids), but all he knows is Control/abuse. I'm sad that he WON'T change! I've done all I can do to try to make a healthy marriage out of this.
HUGS to you!!

The trip to his friend and lawyer went better than I expected. We don't have the papers to sign yet, but with both of us there, he wrote down exactly what I was saying, so I am not as worried. I know now he did not tell his friend how he pushed me around, during our discussion his friend said " well you guys have been friends for so long maybe you can work it out, it is different in cases where there is some sort of violence involved." So just more proof that he is not willing to face up to reality. I did not tell his friend. If I can get out of this with minimal economic damage, then at least I have some controll of me!

Good to hear it went better than expected! I guess we just take a step at a time, huh? <p>H and I were working thru our accounts today in preparation for Monday.

It will be a week ago tomorrow and still no actual paper in my hand to look over for this separation agreement. He says his friend's office said they could not get it done yet. I don't believe half the things my husband says, and I am supposed to believe his lawyer and friend. He said "If you don't believe me call them." If I don't see that paperwork soon I will. I am looking at things this way, If I have that paper signed, I have a little less worry in the threats from him to take alimony from me. Then I will tell him I am ready to go forward with a disillusion He seems to feel fine with either getting a disillusion, or not. I do not see or hear any real change in him even when we go to the counselor, he never tells the whole story. I just feel he is up to something? So, now I feel sneaky, but at least I am protecting myself from economic harm.

My x did some of the same things. I took tax records to her attorney, who was a friend of mine. He kept putting me off on getting them back to me so I finally went to his office and got them. When I got home and looked at them, he had kept hers and only have given me back my stuff.<p>They then delayed getting anything together, my lawyer called hers and he said he had something very "creative" to give us. <p>Verbally, he told my lawyer if I granted liberal visitation, and no child support she wouldn't ask for much money from the house or my pension or alimony.<p>I told her she was crazy if she thought I was going to pay her alimony or not seek child support as I was keeping the kids.<p>When the papers finally came, all she asked for was minimum visitation and the basic 50% of everything. <p>I think they like to delay this stuff to make you panic and agree to anything just to get it over. Just take your time and review everything.<p>Hang in!