Hi,<p>I am new to posting, but have been reading posts for 2 months and have gained a tremendous amount of strength and advice from this site. <p>Here's my story. H started A with a friend and former co-worker of his in Oct. 2001. I discovered that their relationship was "more" than friendship on Nov. 30, and asked him to move out Dec. 1 because I was devastated and totally in shock, not only because of his betrayal, but throughout our married lives (25 years) he always told me that I would NEVER have to be concerned with him cheating on me. He would NEVER do anything like that and he also would feel disgust for anyone involved in EMA. <p>Well, after some thought, I felt that I truly loved him and wanted our marriage to work and asked him to come back home about a week after he left. He said he needed "time" to sort out his feelings. He then began saying things like "I don't want to be married anymore", I don't love you the same way I used to", and "we have nothing in common other than the bills and the kids".<p>He wouldn't tell me where he was staying or give me the phone number and told me that if I needed to contact him to call him on his cellphone. After a while, I figured out that he was living at the OW's house along with her husband, daughter and daughter's fiance. <p>We would talk on the phone alot, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day with H initiating most of the calls. I was Plan Aing the whole time even though it was very difficult to sound "up" when I was dying inside. <p>Well, on Feb. 24, H told me that he is very happy where he is and I haven't heard from him since. I haven't called him because I am afraid that I will LB, although he said that I can call him anytime. <p>I also found out that OW's H knows all about the A between his W and my H. Now remember, they are all living in the same house. I don't understand how her H can live like that, but his feelings aren't my problem. I have tried to contact him, but he didn't return my call. It seems to me that H and OW have the perfect arrangement right now.<p>OW contacted me online and in the conversation I found out that she wants to marry my H after her daughter's wedding in June. When I asked H about this, he said that is her plan and he hasn't agreed to anything yet. I told him that I didn't want a D and he agreed that he didn't either, but if it comes to that he will give me whatever I want. He said he doesn't want to abandon me in that way, but I am pretty sure that will change if things ever get to the D stage.<p>I need advice on what to do in this situation. I find it very difficult to know which way to turn. I am working on myself to change things that I feel needed changing, however, I feel that I don't stand a chance while he has this ideal living arrangement, especially when he spends so little time with me and a lot of time with her.<p>Can anyone give me some suggestions? I would really appreciate any comments. <p>Thanks !

Wow, I can't imagine living in that house! <p>And for her to tell you she wants to marry YOUR husband in June? Who does she think she is? The whole situation sounds very odd to me, and yes, I think you are right. While he is there in the lap of luxury or whatever it is, it will be very hard for you to work on the marriage. <p>I really have no advice. The whole thing is hard to digest. I can only imagine how terrible this is for you. If I think of anything I will let you know, until then I'll say a prayer for you.<p>Elizabeth

Elizabeth,<p>Thank you for your reply and the prayers. As you can see, I need plenty of them. This whole situation is so bizarre that sometimes I feel that it is a Jerry Springer episode, without the chair throwing and hair pulling.<p>He is staying at her house, and has a room of his own in their finished basement. She packs his lunches and fixes his dinner plate and puts it in the refridgerator for when he gets home from work. They both have the same occupation, so they talk and talk about what happened during the day. The two of them went to Canada for a week (she paid all expenses, including the room in a Casino Hotel) to visit her terminally ill sister, but they spent alot of time sightseeing together. After they returned, he came to stay with us since it was Christmas and I sat through the slide show of pictures he took on their "vacation". I kept telling him how beautiful the scenery was, while wanting to cry the whole time. I found a picture of the two of them with their arms around each other that he must have forgotten to delete from the internal memory of the digital camera. I was physically ill for days. They have also gone away for 2 days, with her footing the bill. I try my best to cope with all of this, but some days I feel that all is lost with her pampering him like this. Whenever I had suggested a little getaway for the two of us, he would say "we don't have the money for that" and we would never go anywhere. <p>This has been a nightmare from the beginning and doesn't show any signs of stopping. He still tells me he loves me whenever we are ending our phone calls and it really gives me hope, but then something else will be said and my hopes come crashing down.<p>I still can't believe I am going through this. And I feel like I can't compete with someone like her. I just don't know what to think anymore.<p>Thanks again. I am glad to know that I am not the ONLY person that thinks this whole situation is strange.<p>Mary