I had the perfect house. It was everything I ever wanted. When she left I did the calculations and I realized I would barely make meeting payments.<p>I asked the spouse to forgo alimony. But she is being very greedy. It was my hope to save our home. Maybe I didn't ask in the right way. Maybe it was supposed to be.<p>Escrow closed today and the new owners have my place. I keep running the numbers for some reason. I wondered if I made a mistake in my original calculations? I think I could've save the home. I would've been eating macaroni and cheese for 3 1/2 years. Was it worth it? At the time I said No.<p>But the house is gone. I still try to figure out if I could've afforded it. I wonder if I should've suffered to keep it. I suffered for four years to acquire and keep the house during our marriage. I think that caused some of the problems.<p>Why do I still calculate the expenses? Why can't I let go?<p>HOW DO I LET GO?

It is a process that doesn't happen overnight or by a simple statement. You just gotta grieve the loss of the dream.

Hi...<p>When we're the ones that have been left behind, its so easy to keep going over things in our minds. I hate when I do that... and yes, its been 2 years past dday and in april, I'll be divorced for a year now. I can honestly say that I still have moments that I can't believe that this has happen.<p>I wanted our house sold... we built it together and I didn't want the OW living there on a fulltime basis. My ex is living in the house... but I'm hoping we get a buyer soon. I was to stay in the home until it was sold with him the ex making the payments... but for me to live there, it was like a coffin to me... there are sooooooooo many memories... I was staying away from the house because of the pit in my stomach. n So I let him move back in and I left with the kids. I have a small rental house now... money is TIGHT but its the best thing I could have done. I needed to start healing... but when I was still at the house and could lay in bed and think of the building process... I could even picture him in the house... it was just soooo very sad for me.<p>Yes, it drives me crazy when he has the ow in the house when shes here for vacations.... but ya know what??? She's living with my ghost. I picked everything out with my exh... we even picked out where all the light switches went...<p>Keep your chin up and keep moving forward... I know that its hard..... I've been there and still do struggle at times. But trust me... things do get easier...... there will be a point when you can pull yourself out of the sadness and the anger alot quicker....for that I'm very thankful.<p>Look for a divorce support group in your area.... this has been my lifesaver!!!! Lots of nice people...going to the group, for themselves....
So if ever I meet someone again... I hope to never have this happen again...<p>Now... go do something nice for yourself... Really, quit beating yourself up.... I did this too and at times still so... but I get myself out of it quicker now....<p>Blessings,
s

When I was there I didn't think of her roaming around the house. It was emotional for me to stay there.<p>I am just sad because it was such a nice house in a good neighborhood. Community pools, spas, tennis courts, gyms, etc. The neighbors were great. The kids were picked up at the front gate by school buses to the best schools in San Diego county. The X and I picked out everything.<p>I had achieved it all with this house. There was nothing wrong with it. That is why I am sad. I don't know if I would ever get a house this perfect again.<p>It's not the fact that she has left. I am sad that she left. I am more sad that I lost the perfect home for me and my daughter.<p>I wonder if I should've eaten macaroni and cheese for 3 1/2 years until the alimony was over. Maybe I could've gotten a loan or something. I don't know for sure.<p>I just have to stop going there because the house closed escrow today.

I tried a divorce support group in my area. I left after 2 sessions because of the people in the group.<p>My wife said she was unhappy. I guess the hurt and anger building up from our miscommunication problems got to her.<p>But the people from the support group had stories that were far worse than mine. Physical abuse, drugs, alcohol, infidelity, etc. I had no of those problems. Their marriages lasted longer than mine and they were giving me advice.<p>It was like a fat person telling you about how you should exercise. Or like a poor person telling you how to invest. I couldn't see how these people were going to help me so I left.<p>I know I need to figure out how to work on my male/female relationship building skills.

I had a great house too..I put up a for sale by owner sign on a Sunday, and had an offer on Monday. It sold in a week.<p>I couldn't understand why we were doing this...<p>It was a beautiful house.<p>And I was stuck. I couldn't stop thinking about my house, my beautiful wife, my dream..<p>Accept, acknowledge, and you're no longer stuck. I would have gone nuts..<p>Dan<p>[ March 01, 2002: Message edited by: Family Man ]</p>

Understand where all of you are coming from. I too have a great house. I see no way of buying wayward spouse out, but I really enjoy the house, the neighborhood, etc. House would also be too large for just me, and since I have no intention of having a relationship for quite some time, I'm torn about what to do. So sad. Our first home was really a starter, and I couldn't wait for a new place. I was really happy...then all this started. Oh well, maybe I'll find something just as nice on my own.