Every time I see Nicole our 4-year-old daughter she runs over to me and gives me a hug and kiss. I hold her in my arms and I tell her I miss her and love her.<p>On the days we are together we have a good time. She tells me at least once on our weekends that she wishes she could spend more time with me.<p>Nicole always wants to know who is picking her up from school and which house she is going. I ask her which house would you like to go? She always tells me she wants to go to mama's house. Never daddy's.<p>This is killing me. Was I such a jerk that my wife and daughter don't want to be with me? If so, how do I change?

Dude, SHE'S 4.<p>During the next 14 years I'm quite sure that answer will change back and forth between the two of you a million times. My best advise is DON'T ASK THE QUESTION. When you ask a question like that you are FORCING the child to choose sides and that should be avoided at all costs. Be the absolute best father that you can be and the rest will take care of itself.<p>I have three little girls 12, 9, 7. So I consider myself to have a little knowledge in this area.<p>Best of luck.

DD,<p>So true, she is 4 years old. Most do pick mom's if given a choice...<p>I can tell you this too. At first, my 13 year old and 10 year old picked my house over there dad's, but lately, because there dad spends so much time with them when he sees them, they are getting used to his house and even looking forward to their trips to his house. <p>He's a good dad, there was nothing he did wrong, it's just kids usually prefer mom.<p>I'd say quit setting yourself up for pain. Don't ask her who's house she'd rather be it, if it's your turn to have her just let her know she's coming to your house and ask her if she has anything special she'd like to do while with you.<p>Take care,<p>ANNA

I totally agree w/ both A2K and LH. Don't ask.. <p>It won't be to long before he/she will be asking so many questions YOU won't have time to ask any.. <p>They get there in a hurry partner.<p>
Tex.

I think I read where you moved out and stbx and daughter are living in what was the family home, so she is and should be comfortable there.<p>I was able to keep the kids home and my son (10 yo)still says he will never move from here. So if I do plan on getting married again, I may have a problem. But this isn't/won't be a problem for a long while.<p>Just keep your interest in your d, not what your stbx is doing. I know its tough, but for peace of mind you have too. Its been two years for me and I still have problems in that area, but they are usually when something else is bothering me. You have to let go. If you don't it will eat you up.<p>Concern yourself with your daughter and you.<p>Hang in!<p>[ March 04, 2002: Message edited by: RWD ]</p>

Whoa the horses. . . .<p>you have to look at the picture from her point of view. . . <p>she is only 4, do you even remember yourself at 4??????????<p>second, you have to pull her to you, meaning make yourself attractive to her. . . . so she wants to come to your place of life. . . . you can force her, but that will only backfire in the end. . . <p>finally, she has 15 more years at home, lets not project those 15 years into just last week or this month. . . .<p>keep the long term perspective. . . .<p>yea, i am in the same position, but also realize that a mom daughter relationship can burn up and explode very easily at early teenage years, and this is where most of the long term damage can be done, and i am just waiting for that period of time. . . .<p>
wiftty

<small>[ January 26, 2005, 03:08 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Every day, my 4 year old asks if I am picking her up that day when I drop her off at daycare.<p>The one or two days a week that I have to tell her that Grandma or Dad will be picking her up, she starts clinging to me and crying.<p>THAT HURTS.<p>Enjoy your time with her. Don't ask. Do not put her in the position to make a choice between the two people in the world that she loves the most. <p>
My son is the opposite. He's 6. He always tells me he'd rather be with Grandma. He is always glad when it's Dad's weekend and tells me he likes Grandma better than me.<p>THAT HURTS.<p>He knows it hurts, too. He's learned his fathers' pattern well, even at six tender years.<p>Back to my daughter. She still misses the "old brown and white house" ... she doesn't realize it was a tiny drafty trailer with holes in the walls and crusty carpets and rotting floors and uneven walls ... it was "HOME" and the only home she knew until I left her daddy and we moved out. It doesn't matter that we now live in a big gorgeous clean house. She STILL misses the "old brown and white house" and sometimes says she wants to live there again. Daddy doesn't live there now, and she knows it, so I don't think it's a fantasy about mommy and daddy getting back together ... it's just familiar ...<p>[ March 05, 2002: Message edited by: Princess Buttercup ]</p>