my wife and i have been married for 13 years,we have 3 great kids 12,8,and 5 i love them all more than anything.year ago she said she wasn't happy but it wasn't our marriage,it was within herself, we went to counseling,but we did not go together.i went just to try to understand what she was going through and to see what i could do to help. the counseling did not last very long and in the last few months things looked like it was getting better.two weeks ago she said she was not happy and she was tired of trying when i asked why she couldn't talk to me about it , she said she didn't know what to tell me now she said she just wants out.she said she wants a divorce.i told her that i didn't think we should just give up. what do you do when there is nothing you can say to change her mind.i told her that she did not have to go through this alone.i know this is not alot but can anyone help (i'm lost)she will not agree to any counseling and when i asked where do we go from here she said she didn't know. anyone have anything?

Welcome upnort...<p>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It has a lot of quick links to many of the most important MB sites...
Click here ==> General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)<p>About your post...<p>Do start on a Plan A...
Check out the post Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.).<p>Now about the issue of counseling...
I would recommend that you (by yourself if your spouse won't follow along)... have a couple of telephone counseling sessions (~$145US a pop... but well worth it) with Steven W. Harley or Jennifer Harley. Check out the Counseling Center... and for some specifics... Fees for Counseling Services and Scheduling an Appointment (888-639-1639)! Also check out the post looking for a counselor&#8230;..zorweb/K&#8230;..5/11/2001<p>You have my prayers.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim / NSR

I know that your wife's words seem devestating to you right now. And even she may not understand completely what she is saying, although she may think she does.<p>Divorce should never be considered a cure all for general unhappiness in your life - especially if there are kids. But sometimes spouses get into a "selfish" mode, whether realized or not and can't understand the reality of their actions.<p>First, are you sure that your wife is not having an affair - even just an Emotional Affair?<p>Please read the info. on this web site - especially info. about Plan A, Plan B and the questions and answers section, even those concerning affairs.<p>Often one spouse tells the other they want out, and they don't give a reason, but a large part of the time it's because of someone else - otherwise, why not work on the marriage? Unless there was depression,Mid Life Crisis or other pyscosus involved.<p>She should read Judith Wallerstein's books about the effects of divorce on kids before she does anything. Would she be aminable to filling out some of the questionaires on this site - the EN and LB ones? If not you could fill them out as if you were she - you'll need to do this if you are working on a Plan A. <p>You can also check out the books on Divorcebusting by Michelle Werner Davis. Her material can be found at www.divorcebusting.com.<p>The bottom line is this. Your marriage isn't necessarily over, just because your wife says it is. Read the info. on this site and His Needs Her Needs by Harley and even Surviving and Affair by Harley if you have any doubts about whether she is involved in one. Try to Plan A - it's about your actions. Counseling is a great idea.<p>You'll need a support system right now - friends, family, counselor, priest/minister, God. Make sure they are people who support marriage. You'll need to gather plenty of strength from them during this rough time. Try to take care of yourself and read read read.<p>Over time you'll start to understand more about what is happening and be able to know what decisions to make.<p>Be ready for the long haul, and post with questions often. Read about what others are going through and know that you are not alone in this. K