I know that your wife's words seem devestating to you right now. And even she may not understand completely what she is saying, although she may think she does.<p>Divorce should never be considered a cure all for general unhappiness in your life - especially if there are kids. But sometimes spouses get into a "selfish" mode, whether realized or not and can't understand the reality of their actions.<p>First, are you sure that your wife is not having an affair - even just an Emotional Affair?<p>Please read the info. on this web site - especially info. about Plan A, Plan B and the questions and answers section, even those concerning affairs.<p>Often one spouse tells the other they want out, and they don't give a reason, but a large part of the time it's because of someone else - otherwise, why not work on the marriage? Unless there was depression,Mid Life Crisis or other pyscosus involved.<p>She should read Judith Wallerstein's books about the effects of divorce on kids before she does anything. Would she be aminable to filling out some of the questionaires on this site - the EN and LB ones? If not you could fill them out as if you were she - you'll need to do this if you are working on a Plan A. <p>You can also check out the books on Divorcebusting by Michelle Werner Davis. Her material can be found at
www.divorcebusting.com.<p>The bottom line is this. Your marriage isn't necessarily over, just because your wife says it is. Read the info. on this site and His Needs Her Needs by Harley and even Surviving and Affair by Harley if you have any doubts about whether she is involved in one. Try to Plan A - it's about your actions. Counseling is a great idea.<p>You'll need a support system right now - friends, family, counselor, priest/minister, God. Make sure they are people who support marriage. You'll need to gather plenty of strength from them during this rough time. Try to take care of yourself and read read read.<p>Over time you'll start to understand more about what is happening and be able to know what decisions to make.<p>Be ready for the long haul, and post with questions often. Read about what others are going through and know that you are not alone in this. K