I am just about a basket case, and don't know why I am putting myself through this, but a new bimbette just called. Evidently she found it necessary to tell me that she has be doing my ex even when he was not my ex. So for the last part of our recovery he was fing someone else. No wonder it didn't work. What a [censored]. I am so mad I could scream, and I did, on the phone to him. What lies!!! My life, full of lies!!! You know I think I am trying to be a nice person by lending him a hand, worrying about his health. All I am doing is setting myself up to be f'ed again. Again, again, again. I've about had it.

well, your emotions don't change overnight even though your legal status does, so you are gonna suffer. The good news is you are not in recovery, or down the road thinking things are ok, instead you know you took the right path, and this also gives you more reason to wean yourself off [censored].

Wean? This one is cold turkey. Money comes thru garnishment, so the only thing we have in common now is the kids. If he needs to call here he can talk to them. If I need to tell him something about their health, schoolwork, ect. I will. Then that's it. I am tired of getting so hurt. And the stupidest thing is I SET MYSELF UP FOR IT. Hello, big target on my butt. I need a pill or something. This is rediculous. I can't even spell.

I found out about 5 ow after I left my ex. Let's see....number one was 30 days after we were married as told by our "best man".<p>The best was a knock at my front door (after me filing), letting this gal in, sat down at my kitchen table and she proceeded to "have confession", graphic details and all. Gave this ow one choice, call him and let him know I know. She did. He lost it while screaming at her, "I don't NEED this"! Aaw, too bad! It was great! She accompanied me to two major court appearances. You should have seen his face while he was on the court stand! It was waaaaay past time for him to get a surprise! That was four years ago.<p>Heck, I thought for some time I had "fool" written all over my forehead!<p>What has made this easier than what you face is that my children were/are grown, so I did't/don't/won't have the contact you'll have. Although, I'll NEVER forget what the pain was like. I felt like the total marriage was a lie. You know what, it was.<p>Hang in there!

Well, at least I'm not the only one. Thanks Muffin. <p>I still feel horrid, and here I am taking care of children and a home, trying to get ready for my little one's birthday party this weekend, and this is the last thing I need to worry about. The dork even fed his mother a line and had her call me. Hello, divorce is final. <p>I am not going to spend my whole life worrying about what he did to me. But I am going to take this evening and feel completely miserable and eat myself silly and rent Terms of Endearment or something. <p>I am going to get a grip here. I wonder if coming back to these boards was actually a good thing for me. Maybe I am feeling like I didn't succeed in Recovery, and am reminded by being here. I see these people who have such hope, and I have none. Even if I had hope, it wouldn't matter. He doesn't think he has a problem. My life is ruined by the nonexistent problem. This sucks.

I think that posting on this board is exactly what you should be doing. <p>We need recovery from divorces too. It can take years to finally heal ourselves emotionally from the things our WS put us through.<p>It's not a character flaw on our part. It means that we are sensitive compassionate people, who have been through a HORRIBLE experience. I doubt our WS's could have survived it.<p>We are the stronger better people, but it still hurts and if it didn't then I would worry about the negative character triats of our WS's rubbing off on us.<p>Stay strong, cry if you want to. Tomorrow will be a better day. K

Hang in there.... I know how hard this can be. <p>I too started hearing how my now exh was picking up or trying to pick up other women during our marriage... yes, I was angry too.<p>He's nothing but a pig... and I felt like I should have had "stupid" written across my forehead. I also felt my marriage... was nothing but a BIG FAT LIE !!<p>Keep coming back here....Keep your chin up... THINGS GET EASIER... trust me... hey, I still have my ups and downs... but nothing like they used to be.<p>Just remember... Once a cheat, always a cheat !!!

Sorry for your tough start of a week Elizabeth! <p>When is the birthday party? We are gearing up for our son's 10th the end of this month. I am convinced that is why W put the papers on hold (she did not withdraw them), because she did not want the children to find out about what she is doing until after his birthday party. That will be a very nice present.<p>She moved out for two weeks after she filed, but is in and out now. Sometimes here and sometimes not - and always angry. Yesterday she told me that we had nice coversations when she was in the hotel room because she was getting a divorce and was happy, now that she has stopped that and moved back in she is pissed off all the time. So she unloads mostly on me and our son.<p>In February, she was home with the children in the evening one night, and had them with her in the evening while at a hotel - 2 nights. So 3 evenings with the children all month. I can't imagine how a parent could do that.<p>So you're struggling, and then I share all this with you - but maybe it feels better when you are not alone in struggles. I think I have all the D-Days ahead of me. And the pain seems unbearable - but then the skies clear a bit - at least for awhile.<p>Hope you are able to express your anger (appropriately) and not bury it. And separate your self worth from his actions. I know that is something I am trying to learn.<p>Hope your week goes better and you find enjoyment with Chris and Amanda.<p>~ Luc

Thanks for all the support guys.<p>I know, this is actually good for me. I am not just seething and festering anymore, I am ranting and raving all over MB to people who know what I mean and are there for me every moment of every day unlike [censored].<p>I'd have you come to the party Luc, but can you imagine how my family would react? My maiden name is Gossipitis. The other half of the family is Rumors-Abound. This will be my first real family function as a single mom. Oh, I can hardly wait. We are doing Saturday afternoon, couple of party trays from Jewel, and a cake from Deerfield's Bakery. Amanda has requested a Scooby Doo, Barbie, Dora the Explorer theme. So I figured what the heck. Dora cake, Scooby Doo invites and thank you cards, Barbie napkins and plates. If that is what my princess wants, that is what my princess gets.
[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I wish I could fix your wife Luc. You are such a nice guy and I wish she could see that.<p>Anyway, I am feeling better. <p>Elizabeth

Hi JTW,<p>Unfortuntely, I too am a card carrying member of "D Day post-D".<p>My H's OW #1 told me after we were D that she had slept with him AFTER we reconciled from their A. It was after we had moved into our new home and we were (what I thought) waaaayyyyyy past recovery. <p>Made me feel my whole marriage was a BIG FAT joke ... ON ME!<p>Here's the good part, OW #1 was a IV drug user and quite promiscious at the time, by her own admittance to me. My H was dinkin with MY LIFE for Gawds sake!!! <p>My x-H has no idea I know, I never told him I knew. I'm not sure why ... maybe it's because I would have exploded all over him at the time. But regardless, the man is messed up, and has ZERO, NADA, NO conscience.<p>My life .... ughhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<p>Jo

Jo-
I know exactly how you feel about someone messing with your life. When I was pregnant (and nursing) the little one he was doing crack whores in the icky Burger King parking lot in downtown Milwaukee. Nice. The least they could have done was give us the choice to use a condom.
Elizabeth

I just returned from a dinner at MCD's with W - while the children played she mapped our how she wants the Divorce settled. She is so absolute with it and is holding out like I though till right after our son's birthday.<p>She is in no contact with any of our previous friends before we moved to Chicago, no contact with her family (they have to relay messages to her through me), and ending our relationship to.
She is determined to have only our daughter. She says she loves our son but they are incompatible.<p>Nice, huh?<p>~ Luc

Hey...Just The Wife....<p>you still live in Milwaukee???<p>I was born and raised there.....<p>s

[img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] Oh Luc. I am so sorry. I'll email you later or tomorow.<p>scoick-
I was downtown today, but live near Madison now. What part of town are you from? We came to Milwaukee just because X got a job in 'Tosa. Had no idea bout the areas, I'm from Chicago area, he is from NJ. We bought a house in Sherman Park, 59th and Locust. I hear from the old neighbors that they hear gunshots in the night now....
I had Roberts custard today! Chocolate in a waffle cone! Aren't ya jealous!
Elizabeth [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Hey JTW...<p>I lived on the southside of Milwaukee....
Not far from Mitchell field.....
Yes... Roberts custard..YUMMMMMM
I really miss alot of things/places back there but I can't go back due to the memories... my EXh and I went to the same highschool etc...college...etc and his family lives there and I haven't heard from any of them in over 1 1/2 years....<p>anyhoot....... I've been to Madison millions of times.....<p>Are you going to stay in the area... now that you're divorced... or are ya going to go back to Chicago ?<p>s

Sorry you can't go back, it's nice to get that custard once in a while! My X used to spend alot of time near the airport. Great nudie bars I hear. So were you MKE, or oak creek, franklin?<p>I am in a really good place where I am now. I'm in Edgerton, pop 4500. The house is my folks summer getaway, so no rent, no bills. The schools are wonderful, the people down to earth. I can shop Marshall Field's in Madison if I get the urge - only bout 20 minutes away. I can go back to see all my friends in MKE without too much hassle. And, best of all, I go home on the weekends to Northbrook and my folks watch the kids! So I get the best of Madison, Milwaukee, and Chicago, all while not paying a dime for rent. I'm gonna stay here forever! Or until prince charming comes along.
Elizabeth

Hi.... <p>I lived in Milwaukee...<p>My mom had friends in Edgerton....<p>I spent several summers at The Sun Praire race track.......(funny I was jsut thinking about that the other day)<p>Sad but true... yes, nude bars right by the airport.<p>Did you go to Summerfest and the State Fair??
I miss that stuff....<p>My brother went to Trinity Bible college in Deerfield .... and my Nieces go to Moody in Chicago....<p>I would love to go back... but its like I'm almost afraid to do so.... I'd probably cry the whole time....<p>My ex flew his OW back there the end of december..for a family get together...oh how I wanted to go back for the holidays...but he never wanted to..... probably blames me for that one now too....<p>I don't know, but as I type this... Northbrook sounds sooooo familiar.... I'll have to think on this one.<p>Blessings,
s

Northbrook is right next to Deerfield. I actually grew up in both towns, Mom and SDad in Northbrook, Dad and SMom in Deerfield. Northbrook has Northbrook Court mall. That's probably why. Great shopping!<p>Summerfest, State Fair, all the ethnic fests at Summerfest grounds. They have totally redone State Fair park, you wouldn't recognize it, looks great from 94. Also the new Miller Park. Very cool looking. <p>Of course you'd cry. But then you'd start having good memories too. If you ever want to come for a visit, I'd love to have you stay with us and show you around again. Wait till it gets warm, and we can take my kids to the zoo and go on the train.<p>Elizabeth

Oh MY GOSH.....<p>How could I forget about the Zoo and the train ride... I loved going to the zoo.....<p>Really, they have redone the state fair.... My grandpa and I went every year... several times during the fair.....<p>yikes, I think I'm getting homesick!!!<p>I do have some great buddies back there... the only friends that took a stand for me... and said they would not see my exh and the ow..... they made me feel sooooo wonderful.... all the "friends" we had in common here... CATER to him and the ow.....<p>Hey Girl... If I get back there... you bet I'd look you up !!!<p>Know something funny..... eventhough I have lived in the pacific northwest for 14 years now...
People still say... are you from Wisconsin... the midwest.... are you canadian.... and here's a funny one.... this one guy at work... used to call me Marge from Fargo !!!!! I guess when I say certain words I have the "funny" talk going on !!!<p>YES... the mall..... Carson, Perry(sp),Scott....
My friends and I used to take shopping trips there.<p>And not to forget.... Great America !!!<p>Now how about... Saz's Ribs...YUMMMM
Zorbas... for a gyro
Gillies Custard
Leon's
I was married in Wauwatosa........<p>ok... your turn.....;-)<p>Blessings,
s

We go to the zoo all the time! The kids love it, expecially feeding the goats and seeing the cows get milked.<p>State Fair ..... Cream Puffs! They now do a drive thru for cream puffs in the morning. You can stop and get a dozen to bring to work, or to sit at home and eat them all yourself!<p>Come home! We miss you too!<p>Soda, my family laughs at me when I say soda.<p>My kids think a water fountain is some big statue thing at a park. They want a drink from the bubbler.<p>CPScott is now gone I think, Boston Store bought them out and Younkers too. They now have Jewel in WI again, and I shop at the Pig.<p>We did Great America field trips in school, and went there for the day after senior prom. The Eagle, The Deamon, I am too old for that now!<p>Water street for the bars, Gyro Corner on the north side, Mel's Diner, Southridge Mall.<p>Northridge Mall is gone. They are tearing it down soon I hear. Shoot, what was that mall on S. 27th, they had a movie theatre and everything. Well, it's long gone.<p>The Pfister for Sunday brunch.<p>I temped for WEPCO, took Lisbon Ave home from downtown. Rolled up the windows and locked the doors.<p>I took classes at UWMilwaukee, MATC, and Marquette. Had some cheap dental work done at Marquette's dental college.<p>The bridge that goes over summerfest grounds into Bayview had a huge chunk of it colapse a few years ago. They had to close it and redo. It was pretty scary. <p>The smell of the yeast near Miller.<p>Borner Botanical Gardens, The Domes, and the Milwaukee Art Museum.<p>The drive in movies way down by college and 27th.<p>OK, it is now 3:19am and I should probably go to bed.<p>I'll be dreaming of Culver's Butter Burgers.<p>Elizabeth