My husband of 14 months is an alcoholic he has pulled time in jail for DUI's (5) and is <BR>on probation for his last one. His friends all of whom drink heavy; none of them except 1 <BR>is living with or married to someone they all know I don't like the drinking and yet they <BR>still call him very often and say "Let's get together" of course he goes. His family gives<BR> him money to buy alcohol when he doesn't have money in my eyes they are just contributing <BR>to him and his drinking. He is a very jealous man and wants to start arguments or fights if <BR>another man speaks to me in public. He has been through all the support groups they make<BR> people attend after getting out of jail, he has been to a detox center for a month all of <BR>which he did before we were married. Only 1 of his close friends has a steady job and they <BR>end up here at my house after I have gone to bed and he drinks with them and lays out of <BR>work the next day or he says he's going to the store right down the street and ends up at <BR>one of his "buddies" house and returns later reaking of alcohol and wanting to argue. His <BR>friends need to realize that alcohol is a weakness of his and need to stay away from him <BR>with it, they don't have wives that they can loose. Please if anyone can offer me any <BR>suggestions on this please help me.

I'm sure there are support groups for wifes in your situation. I can't offer any first hand advice myself. However, I do know of someone who goes and it seems to be helping.

Hi Janet!<BR>Very sorry to hear of your frustrations. You need to take care of YOU. I assume that you want to have a healthy happy marriage and that is what brought you here. Please read MB website information, especially the "what to do with an alcoholic spouse" article.<P>Things will not get better on their own but if there is an addiction present, you will also not be able to make things better by yourself. You need to know this. You need to know that the only way to address the alcoholic issue is for your H to acknowledge that there is an issue. Badgering him, nagging him, or getting angry over it will not change it in the least, it may make him better at hiding but it will not remove the issue. It will also make you feel like a failure for not being able to "make things better." YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!<P>YOU alone CANNOT make him stop. He needs to commit to wanting to do it. <P>Read through the web site. Do what you can to make the marriage a safe place for your husband to talk honestly with you about his addiction. Know that you can care about him without it impacting his choice to drink or not. His choice has nothing to do with YOU, as much as it may seem that way. In the end, only you know what your comfort level is with living under the circumstances of alcoholism. If you cannot do it and he is unwilling to take the next step forward, you must be prepared to TAKE CARE OF YOU before it is too late.<P>Best of luck.<BR>Lisa<P>

Janet:<BR>Me heart goes out to you. I lived with an alcholic and drug addict for 11 years. My advice, find a Co-dependent group for yourself. You can find them in your telephone book. They can help you take care of you. There is nothing you can do for your husband until he wants the help and then it's all up to him. He can't do it for you, or his family he has to do it for himself. They tell you he has to reach rock bottom before he can climb up and out of the pit. NOTHING YOU SAY OR DO WILL MAKE THIS HAPPEN BEFORE HE IS READY. That's the fact I found so hard to live with. I told him time and time again "If you loved me....." It never did any good. He finally had a nervous breakdown and nearly killed me. he thought I was fooling around on him. He set traps all over the house, wired our phone and tried to hire people to watch me while he was at work. One night he held a gun to my head and said if he ever caught me cheating on him, he would kill me. I believed him. At that moment I truly believed my life was over. If you have read any of my other posts or bits of my story you probably know that he was the one cheating and was feeling guilty. That was 7 years ago. We were divorced and I kept on with my Al-anon groups. I thought I had failed somewhere. It wasn't me. It was his disease. I am now married to a great guy. There is hope. There is a life out there for you and poeple who will help. If you choose to stay with your husband, good luck. If you don't, well that's a decision you need to make. Only you can decide what is YOUR BOTTOM.<BR>Good luck to you. You will be in my prayers.<BR>Just a little added info-my dad is a recovering alcholic for 20+ years. My mom stuck it out with him. Her strength must have been amazing. Today, they are happy and loving to one another. My father has made amends to all of us and has had to deal with a lot of pain he put his family through. It can be done. My family is living proof.