((((((((tigger4jdt))))))))<p>Thank you so much for the hugs and understanding where I am coming from. <p>If you would like to e-mail we I would love to chat with you. Its nice to have another military spouse to chat with.
my e-mail address is Angelneedinghugs@yahoo.com
please e-mail me anytime about anything. <p>Angelneedinghugs

Stop what you are doing and RUN to a divorce attorney. Depression is anger turned inward and you need knowledge and power!!!!!!!!!!! He will be the depressed one when he finds out who has the power here. Get that witch out of your house...she is not your friend. Speak to the lawyer. That was the first thing I did when I found out about A. I learned a lot and was so strong when I spoke to him that he was quite afraid and ended the affair. He realized he had way to much to loose and began working on the marriage. We are in recovery and after the fog lifted are doing quite well. Be strong, he (and OW)is depressing you, the OW has to get out, that is no way to live, that is depressing. Someone has told you you are weak, but that is far from the truth. I want you to reach into yourself, call the lawyer (ask any lawyer who a good divorce lawyer is...they all know) and then talk to your WS from a position of power. Good luck and we are with you!

This story a hoax??? Why would the H be locked up?? He would first have to be reported? I was just wondering how old you are. And if this is too personal just say so or respond via email. But I was wondering if you and your best friend and your H were maybe involved in other ways.. perhaps 3somes sexually and perhaps it got out of hand. I have heard that a lot of guys enjoy this and with a best friend it would be an easy trap to get in. Just a thought. It is very easy for us to come here and tell you what you should do.... for we are not in your situation..and don't know your GF or H... and no doubt you are probably blinded by love and concern for him.. I notice you are still calling her your BF... do you still feel this way about her? If so why? Do you perhaps love her also? Just some thought provoking questions...

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Angelneedinghugs:
[QB]OKieman no this story is not a hoax and the military has no clue what is going on. That is one reason why I haven't said anything to anyone here in this town or said where I am because I don't want my H in jail because it wouldn't do me or my kids any good. QB]<hr></blockquote><p>Given that you have only provided a few facts, I'll assume your story is real. By remaining in this situation, you are personally contributing to your decline and your children's. The further you remain and continue to fall, the longer it will take you to recover. You are waiting for your husband to retire from the military and then to leave you. You can divorce your husband now without delay and without career consequence. You will probably get fifty percent of his base pay when he retires, possibly alimony, and child support. The children's medical, dental and other benefits will remain in place. What you get will all depend on the competency of your lawyer. He can even have your XH incur your attorney fees.
Once the WS begins to have the money squeeze put on them usually the light of reality begins to shine. But by then it is too late.
You'll start feeling better about yourself once you start doing what is right.

Okieman,<p>You don't seem to understand the way the military works. I am divorcing a military person and the last thing we want to do is loose benefits in this divorce. The military will back the military person the majority of the time. As for the retirement in divorce.. that gets very complicated.. for each year of marriage during active duty year you COULD get an increasing percentage.. however you are not entitled to it at all. On top of that you have to be married for 20 years of active duty to have a chance of the 50%.. then you have to worry about what kind of disability the "military" memeber will be claiming.. That is not part of"court ordered" retirement pay. So if she were to get 50% of retirement and her husband retired with 50% disability she would only be getting 25% of the entire retirement.. there are way to many loop holes in the laws with the military!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Anne2000:
<strong>Okieman,
The military will back the military person the majority of the time. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>
The military has no influence in a divorce since it is totally a civil action. JAGs don't do divorces. Being married for at least ten years while on active duty will get her a chunk of his retirement. A good lawyer will get her even more. I have seen too many and know of too many to know what the real deal is.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Okieman:
[QB]<p>
"The military has no influence in a divorce since it is totally a civil action." <p>
This true that the military will not have any control over the divorce. However the laws governing the military personel state that if there is any disability included in retirement pay then the spouse is not entitled to it. The military member can opt to give her a portion of that but the courts can not. At least in the Air Force that is the governing rule.
I am curious what is considered "disability" in the eyes of the Air Force.<p>Anne2000
AKA ALOHAnui2000

I don't know how much difference there is between the different services and right now I can't even get into see the legal office with out a vehicle to get me there. So all that will have to wait and I also have to becareful as to what I say to them so I feel like I am in a catch 22.