After 19 yrs of marriage, and doing everything that I can to keep him happy. The abuse got to be too much for the kids and I. I left and am now living with my mother<that is hard in itself>
I keep trying to work out this divorce in a civil way and out of court. My lawyer is wanting to nail him to the wall though. My H just wrote me and told me he will moving in with someone else<don't know who> and that some of the things that I could not manage to take with me will be given away if I don't come and get them. Some of these things are my grandmothers things and one item is something my father made. Before I left he agreeded that I could have those things and he will bring them to me when he can or I can get them if I am down in that area. Well I live in another state now. He is telling me I have two weeks to get them or he will get rid of them.
He has already been throwing some things away. <p>ARRRG I am so tired of feeling pain over all of this. I thought leaving would get us away from the pain. He still has controll over me!<p>ANNE2000
AKA ALOHANUI2000

Hey Sweetie..<p>Listen to your lawyer.. <p>Tex.

Ditto.....<p>Blessings,
s

You can want to be civil for all you're worth, but when dealing with with a controlling/abusive man, you gotta do what's best for you.<p>What they said.<p>
P.S. No matter what happens to your stuff, and how valuable it is to you ... try to remember it's just "stuff" ... YOU are out of there and that's what's important. My XH destroyed so much of my stuff, things of monetary value and sentimental value alike. I miss it, but it's just "stuff". I've got "ME" back now, and my family and friends have "ME" back. So what he destroyed $100's of collectibles and cherished photographs. They are so thankful that I am OUTTA THERE!!<p>[ March 07, 2002: Message edited by: Princess Buttercup ]</p>

I have to agree with the consensus.<p>I too am wanting a civil divorce, but when dealing with a controlling person you have to protect yourself. He is NOT looking out for your best interests or even what's best for the process.<p>I wish it wouldn't have to be that way. Can you get him to mail the things, or can a friend pick them up from the house? It's sad to see them sink so low, but I hope that the divorce will give you stability at least and hopefully a little peace.<p>K

Anne2000 ((((((HUGS)))))))) My friend. I wish you were closer so that I could give you hugs.
I can't advice you on what to do since I am at the beingings of being seperated and still very much comfused about my whole situation.
But remember it is stuff. You have you and the kids in a safe place and enjoy the time you have with them. <p>Know that I am here for you and you can call or e-mail me anytime and chat thats what friends are for.<p>Angelneedinghugs

Hang in there! My state has a thing called a disillusion and we both agree to who gets what. Of course, I do not know if you could come to an agreement on these things in 2 weeks? I am afraid of my controlling abusive husband taking advantage of my money or my sentimental belongings also. That is why I am waiting for the right moment to tell him I have decided to go past just the separation and get a disillusion. The right moment will be when this separation agreement that has been "in the process" for over a week now is signed by us. Then, I will move forward with a little bit of security that he will not take me for everything I am worth. <p>Like everybody else has said, one of the problems I had with my marriage was that I was tired of just working for "stuff," there needed to be more substance in my life. For you it seems that substance is you and your kids! Best wishes

Like they all said up there.<p>Tell your lawyer about the things he is going to get rid of. He will make sure that they are still there for you. You may have to pay for shipping or something, but he cannot just tell you arbitrarily 2 weeks when you live far away. The lawyers have seen these situations so many times before and are the experts. I would defer to him on issues regarding divorce.

Thank you so much for the postings.. You are right that they are only possessions. Grant you possessions that I could really use but hey there are a million things out there and my kids are the only ones that I have and I can't replace them!!<p>Again thank you
Anne2000
AKA ALOHAnui2000