My fiance and I will be married soon. He recently got a job that will occassionally require him to ride with other sales reps. Some are female and they will sometimes need to stop for lunch together. My fiance's trainer, however, refuses to ride with women. As a result, my fiance thinks this man is incompetent in controlling himself, old fashioned, and discriminatory toward women. I, of course, being the wife-to-be, agree with the trainer's practices. My fiance assures me that no one will come on to him, that he's not going to not ride with a rep just because she is female because it is part of his job and because it seems to be the norm in his industry, he says. I think my fiance is totally missing the point. I would like some insight from you wives whose husbands are sales reps that have to travel and work with other female reps.

My husband and I both travel for biz. In the past, I often travled with a certain male co-worker. I was fine until my H and I had a situation that placed stress on us; then I begn to feel attracted to the co-worker. As soon as I realized it, I began avoiding him. <BR>Years later (now) my H is involved in a painful withdrawal from an inappropriate emotional attachment (no physical realtionship) to co-worker he spent time with (and travled with a couple of times).<P>Does traveling with the opposite sex have to cause problems? No. Would I travel with a co-worker of the opposite sex again...yes, but only infrequently and when unavoidable, and being sure to keep all conversation professional (once you start talking more about life outside of work, bonds start to form). Do I think it is a good idea? No. All marriages have times of strain, and when those times hit, it is better not to be around a co-worker you've traveld and joked with and "bonded" with. <BR>My 2 cents...<BR>Kathi

In response to your post, I'm a firm believer in that an affair isn't just physical. An emotional affair can be just as devistating. When a spouse(whether it be male or female) starts forming an emotional bond with a member of the opposite sex, I believe an affair has begun. If my husband is realying on someone else for emotional support and not me there's trouble somewhere. I wouln't look for trouble where there is none, but I would definately keep the doors of communication open with your significant other. Have you met the other people he will be working with? This may also be a way to help ease your mind. My husband's company has monthly get togethers with all the employees and I make it a point to go. No matter how boring they are. Then I can be involved with his work and I know the people he's working with. It helps to know whe's on the other end of the line if I have to call there and talk to them. I also think they are more comfortable with me.<BR>Again, communication is the key. Keep talking.

Lawd yes (read my bio). I'm having a real problem w/ my SO's job (which requires travel, even OVERNIGHT w/ a female coworker). He prides himself on having good relations with his coworkers and thinks the fact that they joke and talk about their personal lives means they've got "esprit de corps" and work well together... On top of this, there seems to be interest (on her end) in socializing outside the office, as well, which I think is a big flashing "danger" sign. It's an accident waiting to happen, in my opinion, but I cannot make him see this (he gets offended, says I don't trust him and, like your husband, that any man who would let his wife's "irrational jealousy" dictate his working conditions is, well, to put it nicely, "being controlled by a woman") and discussing it only causes problems between us. So I'm just sort of waiting for the shoe to drop. This is how business is conducted these days, though; what's the little woman waiting at home to do????<P>[This message has been edited by quandry (edited February 11, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by quandry (edited February 11, 2000).]

Another thought, you may want to post this on the Infidelity "General Questions" board for feedback from people who've been there; a recent (unscientific) poll revealed that coworkers are more likely be involved in affairs (both physical and emotional) than are other people, 3 to 1.