I heard something very intersting on Dr. Laura today that made me start to wonder. There was a woman who called 18 years later after some advice she'd gotten from Dr. L. Her problem was that she (young then) had been dating (or living with, I'm not sure) a man for 4 years and didn't know if she should press for marriage. Dr. L's advice to her was to set a time limit and if he hadn't decided to marry her by then, then just end it and move on. She did end it, her boyfriend freaked and then wanted to get married. She told him no because "he only wanted it because he was afraid to lose her (his comforts, his freebies), not because he WANTED to marry her".<p>Wow. I looked back and I think this is what happened to me. I was with my X for 6 years before we got married (lived together for a few) and I WAS THE ONE who had to bring up marriage, what were we doing? He would have gone along the way we were forever if I hadn't, and I really believe he married me for the wrong reasons.<p>Which sort of goes back to what I've heard a lot, that people who live together first have a higher risk of divorce, because maybe they get married for the sake of not being afraid to lose that person, rather than really WANTING to marry that person (you know, love). I don't know. Just tossing it around in my head.<p>What do you think? How many here lived together before you got married? I'm sure it's not the case for everyone, but I just wonder.<p>[ March 07, 2002: Message edited by: weirded out ]</p>

Hey Kathy!<p>Didn't live with the jerk - maybe all this could have been prevented if I had..... Hope you are doing well. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Ashley

Kathy,

I too was with my x husband for 6 years before we were married (we were married for 11 years). Yes, I did want to get married too. I use to wonder if this had something to do with why my marriage failed. But, I also have friends who married after college at the age of 24. They did everything the "right" way and they are hopelessly unhappy in their marriage (headed for divorce). Sometimes it is easy to over analyze why "our marriage didn't work". Finally, I've come to the conclusion you just have to learn from your mistakes and stop beating yourself up or trying to make since out of something that makes no since. If my husband would of asked me to marry him after we had dated 6 months I truley think things would of probobly turned out the same way. Just my thoughts (my opinion and 50 cents might buy you a cup of coffee).

I know, but overanalyzing is what I do - all the time, about everything. I seem to remember SO many people mentioning how many years they were married and then how many years they've been together and it seems to me there are a lot of us who spent A LOT of years before getting married. <p>There are exceptions everywhere - my sister "HAD" to get married at an early age, and she's got the best marriage of anyone I know now. I know this is not the total reason for my ivorce, but I definitely think it's a big part of it too.<p>HI ASHLEY... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

guilty<p>guilty<p>guilty<p>was the guy on Dr Phil . . . damn it!

We lived together for about a year, year and a half before we got married.<p>She was the one who kept asking...<p>She was also the one who left...<p>Go figure!<p>Dan