Yes, I'm a week post partum. And no - hormones had nothing to do with this, but tonite was the last straw for me and WH.<p>WH wisked kids out the door earlier, even taking 3 year old unbeknownest to me that he would be spending the night woth WH - but I let him go - so they could all spend the night with WH.<p>Well, WH says kids will call before bed. It's 8:30pm - no call yet, so I call.<p>The OW is there. At my in-laws house - which is where WH is living with kids. I knew it was just a matter of time befoer he brought her there. In-laws are of course in bed trying to ignore the whole thing - typical.<p>I know that you are just supposed to let these things slides etc. But WH said - and I have this in writing, that he will not bring kids around OW at this time - I mean we're still married, I just had a baby etc.<p>So I say I'm coming over. WH has manipulated and lied to me for the past two weeks and tricked me into letting him have the kids, only to bring them around OW, and I want to talk to WH and lay down some ground rules.<p>Well, I'm not even supposed to be in a car in my condition, but I get there(my parents drove) and OW is STILL THERE and they are all playing the boys favorite game. You could have at least thought she would have the decency to leave.<p>I didn't make a scene, but told WH I was spending the night. This did not make him happy, but the kids were estatic. Then WH left to go get groceries with OW. <p>Of course while they were gone I tried to tell them all the right things like daddy loves them and we're getting divorced but that just means we're in two separate houses etc. (We've never even had the divorced talk with them yet - but WH talks about it all the time - "We're not married" he likes to say - even though legally and religiously we are married. Anyway, I digress.....<p>Of course I did say some things like when they asked me if daddy loved OW I said yes, and that daddy was doing something very bad by being with another woman while he was still married. And of course I said that they could see daddy kiss OW is they watched him walk her to her car. OK. Please don't hate me for saying those things, but, well I guess maybe the hormones were talking, but I was sick of WH saying he's a good person, going to church and pretending that how he treats me is normal and Ok and that the kids would think OW was just a friend if nothing was said. (I'm human, not perfect).<p>I will of course from now on be the perfect mom for the kids and say only appropriate things and will try to make them as happy and well adjusted as possible.<p>WH just keeps crossing the line. OW also asked him if he wanted to "come home" since I was there. Yes, he was lying to everyone about living with her, but we all knew, and now it's confirmed. "Home" yuck! <p>When he sees me he still makes comments about wanting to see my very enlarged - well you know - and we're getting a divorce! I also try to be civil and nice to him, especially now with a new baby, but I get burned everytime - like in our last conversation when he said he couldn't believe he WASTED his afternoon talking to me on the phone.<p>Anyway the list could go on and on with dispicable things he's done to me, but I do have to share one more lie that he told OW - he said - and yes this is one of the clasics - that I stopped birth control without his consent and manipulated him into having another child. Reality check - we talked and planned to have another child and then was off the pill for 3 months before getting pregnant. He never once told me that he changed his mind about wanting to have another child.<p>Lies lies lies. Anyway, to finish the story. When he got home, he made the boys go to their beds on the secodn floor- I was going to camp out with them in the den, we had sleeping bags out and all. And the kids were not happy, so I went to tuck them into bed, and he wouldn't let me. Then he finally let me, but I told him I wouldn't leave the kids and would just sleep with them and of course he wanted me to leave. So he "escourted" me physically - grabbing my are toward the stair case - scared the h*** out of me and then I told him that I would only leave if his parents asked me to leave. <p>So he gets his dad to tell me to go and never come back. His parents have been trying to take the middle road, but are enablers big time and I wanted to hear it from them themselves.<p>I want the kids to see their father, but he pretends to be a good Catholic and bringing them around OW when I just gave birth makes me sick. And I have every right to be where my kids are, otherwise it's kidnapping on the part of the other spouse. I don't mind him seeing them, I just want it to be without OW.<p>Not like I want to call the police, but WH makes his own schedule of when he will see the kids and just tells me I have to go along with it. He is also the one who threatened to have me served right after I gave birth with an order declaring me to be an unfit mother and unable to care for the kids. <p>Bottom line is that he treats me horribly - but does so out of the presence of others so that no one knows how horrible he is. It's like a wife beater in my opinion. He's in the fog - granted and I don't even try to talk him out of it, but I'm protective of my children, and this divorce thing is new to me - I mean WH heavily pursued me for 3 1/2 yeart before we were married - who knew.<p>I know all the right things to say to the kids and I want them to be happy and healthy, but I'm weak, and I guess I need some people to remind me of what I need to do for the kids sake.<p>I'm finally willing - or so I thought - to suck it all in for their sake, but I guess I wasn't as strong as I thought.<p>The crazy thing is,we were supposed to have a hearing to set visitation before I had the baby, but WH evaded service of the petition. OW just got divorced and thinks that I'm holding up the process, little does she know that it's really WH and now I have to put up with him for another two months until the new hearing.<p>Lord give me strength. Ok, pretty much all better now. Divorces are hard. I hope that we all find that strength, courage and peace we need to deal with this situation in our lives.<p>K<p>[ March 09, 2002: Message edited by: God is in Control ]</p>

God Bless ya..<p>where'd I put that d**N 2x4...<p>Dan

Ive written 2 u on your other post...why should you have come here first...are you really ready to give up?...at least wait 6 months til your body and mind recovers from everything. PLease dont accept divorce as a possibilty at the moment...hang in there...dont let go, but let God!<p>Dont make any huge lifechanging decisions at this time...you know you are very vulnerable emotionally. even if hes talking divorce, dont be a part of it. Dont give in to it, even if it gives you temporary relief...GOD IS IN CONTROL SO GIVE HIM BACK THE STEERING WHEEL, IF HE ASKS FOR HELP IN CHANGING GEARS THEN GO FOR IT.<p>I'll be checking on you...come on, hang in there with me.<p>Dancer

I'm sorry to see you in so much pain.
Someone suggested I read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans. I'm only 1/3 through it, but now realize I am not crazy. All of the manipulation I felt actually occurred, but since no one else saw it, they couldn't or didn't believe me. It may help, especially when you see that he's continuing to use the kids to manipulate you. I'm waiting for mine to come home now, after he dragged my D into the car crying last night because she wanted to stay home with me. OH and I have the same in-laws as you. Good Catholics my [censored]. Dysfunctional Family!

Hi and hope that you are calming down, how is the little one?<p>I went thru a similar situation as you and one of the best recommendations that my counselor gave me was to limit my husband's time with the kids. <p>That if he wanted the divorce and so forth, to go on a visitation schedule similar to what the courts would suggest: Wed. PM from 6-8 and overnight every other weekend. And when he comes to pick up the kids, maybe someone else could be there so you don't have to see him.<p>Do you have friends and family who can come over for a few hours every day? Are you nursing or bottle feeding your infant? You will need help in order to care for the kids but you don't need it from him right now and you need to limit your exposure to him as much as possible, it will just be a crazy making experience.<p>So, get your family and friends on track, have someone come in during the AM and someone to help in the PM; if you are not nursing the baby, talk to your doc about meds as the hormones and stress can spiral you out of control. I know cuz I been there and done that.<p>Now, if I knew who the H*E* double tooth pick your ws was I'd whup him upside the head.

<p>[ March 20, 2002: Message edited by: newstartj ]</p>

You are absolutely heroic! What courage, guts, what a Momma Bear you are! You walked right into the enemy's camp, you were willing and determined to sleep on the floor (1 week post-partum) in the same room as your other children. Wow, I'm beside myself with admiration. <p>The easiest thing to do would have been to say "I'm 1 week postpartum, with a newborn infant at the breast; the wise thing to do is sleep comfortably in my own home, my own bed, nursing the baby (are you nursing or is it bottle feeding?) and tending to this totally helpless creatures needs.<p>And your body isn't back to normal yet, after the trauma of childbirth. Why, even your sense of balance is out of whack (this happens because you gradually learn to shift your weight to compensate for the burden in your belly.) So physically, you are not able to be grounded. <p>And none of this deterred you.<p>Now excuse me while I vomit with disgust at the lack of morals in your in-law's family and home. Ptuey. They play host to the slut who is breaking up their grandchildren's home. They allow her to have access to their grandchildren. They support their son's treachery, and help him to carry it out.<p>They are trash. And you are the only shield the children have. The only one in the picture willing to invade enemy territory and be their Mommy.<p>That your STBX put his hands on you to remove you from the house is abuse. I'm only sorry that the police weren't called. Imagine the looks on the faces of the officers coming to the house when they saw what was going on!<p>The shamelessness of all this, the brazen-ness, the insanity. There's nothing wrong with your hormones or your actions dear. You are the lone beacon of reason, sanity and morality in this whole sewer and you are your childrens' lifeboat.<p>I have personal memories where I wished my mom was with me during domestic messes, which I won't go into now, because this is your thread and I want to applaud your courage.

Oh K-<p>I was away for the weekend again with no computer. I so wish that you weren't going though this. How are you doing? I have read some other threads and you seem to be recovering from the traumatic events. Are you?<p>First of all, your husband is an @$$!, but no matter how true this is and how much we all know it, it won't change anything. I know you realize this too, but it still really stinks!<p>I also can totally see how you felt you had to go over there. I've been in a similar situation and it is very hard not to let that maternal instinct take over. Actually, when the baby was only a month old, my X lied to me on one of his visitation weekends. He was supposed to have the oldest three kids both Friday and Saturday night, but because the OW was in town he wanted to spend Friday night with her. Anyway, he said he was forced to work, I took him for his word (big mistake, I know) I found out and rushed over to his house (without the kids) banged on the door until he came to it. We had a huge arguement. I accused him of lying, she hid around the corner, and he said it didn't matter what he did with his time as long as I had agreed to keep the kids. I disagreed of course stating that I never would've agreed if he hadn't lied. In the end he physically picked me up by the arms and threw me off his porch (luckily I only ended up with a couple bruises). I called the cops from a neighbor's house. He called them on me because he was afraid of getting in trouble and wanted to counter charge me with violating our temporary order which stated that neither of us would interfere with the others privacy, trespassing, etc. It was a lovely scene, trust me. From it I learned that my X is a slime, but that it isn't worth me getting hurt.<p>Your husband is a total fog impaired jerk, your in-laws sound real peachy as well. What are they thinking? Obviously their son walks all over them. Does the OW have no class at all or is she just overly eager to totally move into the family?<p>Anyway, enough bashing. The important thing to remember is the kids. You can't control your H, this is obvious. You also can't force him to make decisions that are best for your children. What you can do is remain the reliable and stable parent for them. You also don't want to put them in the middle of any fights, etc. Trust me, I know how hard this is. It is maddening! In the end they will see through him and his control games, but in the meantime you don't want to further the damage he is doing with your actions even if you are well intended.<p>I really feel for you. I can relate to so much of what you are going through. This will be hard, it will hurt terribly, but you can get through it. Don't stoop to his level, maintain your control.<p>I'll be here if you need to talk. You're in my prayers!<p>K<p>By the way, how is that baby? I'd love an update. Focus on the good things in life, the bad will only bring you down.