This is my first time on Marriage Builders. My 40 year old wife of 10 years had an affair for close to 8 months. She met him at her highschool reunion the summer before last. I found out about the affair last June, after many negative changes were occuring in our marriage, including support when offering our kids guidance. <p>We tried to work on it for 6 months, but I wasn't getting anywhere and then found out she had talked to him on the phone. I asked her if she wasn't going to work on it, to please move out, which is what she wanted to do. She moved out on December 15th, and is happy with the lack of responsibiltiy associated with being a part time mom. She is a good mom when she is with the kid's though.<p>We have a 4 year old son and an 9 year old girl that we split time with 50/50. I have gone through a mid-life crisis over the past few years, and my wife is in a situation where she is confronting many of the issues from her childhood. Tonight she told me she is interested in dating someone different than she did in the first affair. She hoped that I would wait and try dating myself, but I told her that I would rather get a mediator and move on with a divorce. She asked if I would try to date, but I told her I had moral issues with it, plus I was concerned with crossing that line and the fact that I might not come back. I have tried to wait this out to see if she would go through the necessary critical self-reflection, but this seems like to much to take. Your feedback would be appreciated.<p>New Beginning

Why would your wife want to stay married if she wants to date?<p>It sounds like she's trying to get you to give her permission to move on - if you're dating someone else then she doesn't have to feel as guilty for leaving you.<p>Have you reead the material on this site and SAA (Surviving an Affair) by Harley. Both are a must in my book before taking any action because you don't really know what you're dealing with until you do the reading.<p>Unfortunately, if you are set on divorce, then you are obviously not interested in doing a Plan A, but if you are interested in saving your marriage - would it be so bad to give it a shot?<p>You said that you tried for 6 mos. Did you apply the MB principles? Were you meeting her Emotional Needs? If her first affair is over then you have a good shot of another chance if you are doing a Plan A - or a Plan B especially if you have done a good Plan A.<p>If you have read the material and want further assistance with applying the principles, go to the GQII board and read the post that says Welcome necomers by Orchid and Marriage Builders by WilliamJ. They will help lead you further into understanding exactly what MB is about.<p>If your wife isn't pushing for a divorce, then I'd at least give Plan A a shot. Then you can honestly say that you did everything you could to save the marriage and come to some closure yourself. Divorce is TERRIBLE for the kids - even in the best divorce situations. <p>A counseling session with someone at MB may also be able to help you make a decision and get jump started on recovery.<p>Good Luck. K