Hello to all-<p>First let me start by offering my condolences on whom ever's marriage has reached this point. No one ever says I can't wait to get married so I can be divorced before the age of "X". Unfortunately we realize a little too late that our "Perfect Mate" would be just slightly more perfect if they would just leave us alone.
I reside in New York. Where there is no such thing as irreconcilible differences. Which actually doesn't apply in my own situation for grounds of divorce; however, it would make the process ALOT easier.
My soon to be ex-husband will not agree to an un-contested divorce. He is aware our marriage is beyond repair, however is is determined to create a mountain of devistation for me.
Due to the grounds of our divorce, There is not a judge in the state that would not grand one to us. Simply put, his barricades are made of snow. I will be fine.
Here's the problem. We have a beautiful son together. He is 16 months old, and at a pivital point in his development- socially, emotionally and mentally. Without informing the world of the surrounding drama, I will note this: my son will not have detailed memories of the recent tramatic events nor the events that are to follow. However he will always remember a sense of discomfort while in the presence of his father as well as a constant need to please him. And this is just thus far (Divorce process has hardly begun!).
I have repeatedly pleaded for an uncontested divorce. Muttering something like this..." Our marriage is over, we will no longer be together, nor will we be together in the future. I am done talking about us, we need to refocus on what is important, our son. If this is dragged out, he will be the one you hurt. Not me, our son."
Needless to say, he has yet to be convinced.
First he says ok, then he notes his excitement for torturing my next 21 years.
How else do I communicate the best interest of our child through an uncontested divorce?

I am new to Marriage Builders and am very sorry for your situation. The only recommendation that I can say, is take the high ground and don't get involved in spirals of anger. They just get out of control and build and build. Your child will remember you and respect you for always taking the high ground and your husband for doing what he does best with torture. I wish you the best!

Weadababy,<p>Welcome! I know, it sucks to be us. Oh well, that said and done, on we go.<p>Tell your family court commissoner. He is the one who holds most of the cards in all of these lovely proceedings. They can order mediation, or tell your stbx to shove it. <p>A lawyer is usually a good idea. Even if the marriage was short, or there aren't real estate holdings, in general they are the experts. It will cost you, but you can also try to go through legal aid in your area. The lawyer is the best bet, he can make sure that this is relatively painless for your son.<p>I'm glad that you've found us. We always like new friends over here!<p>Elizabeth

Hadababyizaboy:<p>I was thinking again about your situation and had a thought. I consulted with an attorney in Illinois that works on these types of family law matters from a very unique perspective. He actually advised me to wait out my situation because as he said, "the prize of marriage is worth the wait". He also advised me not to date and to take the higher moral ground. He has written books on family law and is recognized as the 43rd top family law attorney in a journal I read. He has some very insightful perspectives that may be worth researching. <p>His web site is as follows:
http://www.gitlin.com/qandahom.htm<p>Also, if you type in Joe Gitlin in a search engine like google.com, you can pull up related information on him. I met with this man at his office and it was quite a unique experience. His office is lined with documents on Abe Lincoln (honest Abe), as well as statues. I only state this, so that you can get an impression of his character. <p>I know that some of his law recommendations may not apply in your state. However, some of his general Question and Answer links might give you some needed assistance. You may also find that he can be a good source for recommendations on who to consult with in your city.<p>Good Luck!