This past six months of my life have been hell. I found out my wife of 4 years (together 10) has been having an affair. We never had any major problems in out life together other than the odd minor fight. I do work at a hospital and work a different shift and rarely get to see my wife during the week. I think this is what killed our marriage... I've done this for eight years now and said I would quit my job to be with her more. I thought we had a great marriage. I never would have dreamed in a million years my sweet wife would do this. I am holding on. I said I would forgive her and someday forget. I married her to be together forever. My wife is my life. I try to talk to her about it to get things out in the open and she gets mad and says she is going to get a divorce but never does. She has been living at home and sleeping in the spare room. She and I will sleep in the same bed at times. I feel she still loves me and is not sure if she should move on or not. I want her and beg her to stay. I don't think she is giving us a shot. We have been going to counseling but I think she stills talks to this person on a daily basis. How can she concentrate on me if she speaks to this gut everyday? He lives 3000 miles away so I don't know how they ever plan to make it work anyway. I want her to end it and move on and build a stonger marriage because of this. Any kind on non-kind thoughts would be appreciated.

Mr. Hurt,<p>I know how you feel. I have been there and done that myself. This place and the people here can and will be supportive of you in this time of need. <p>Even though I am getting a divorce, I can tell you that if you cling to someone tooth and nail, they will distance their selves from you even more. I know this by experience! I'm not saying to be mean or nasty, I'm saying give her room to breathe. Show her what she would be missing if she left you (Plan A). Right now is a very volatile time for you and you will be riding that emotional roller coaster that everyone here will tell you about.
Read everything you can in marriage builders and try to understand what when wrong and how to fix it. <p>I feel for you my bother... It is a hard pill for you to swallow I know. <p>Post here often and let these fine people try and help you through this!<p>
Regards and best wishes<p>RN

Know that you are not going through this alone, and unfortunately many others have been in THE SAME position that you are in.<p>With that said, let me give you your options at this point.<p>First, right now both of you are very emotinal, so don't try to make any major decisions right now.<p>Don't beg or plead - doesn't work.<p>Please read SAA (Surviving an Affair) by Harley. It sounds like your wife is having an EA (Emotional Affair). There is also lots of information on this site about marriages and affairs - you need to read all of it. This way you will become educated about exactly what is happening to your marriage, what your wife is thinking/feeling and then you can be better prepared to deal with what is happening.<p>Get a support system in place - friends, family, counselor, God, minister/priest. You will need them all now.<p>If you want to try and save your marriage, become familiar with Plan A and Plan B. <p>Go to the GQII board and scroll down until you come to a post called Welcome for newcomers by OrRchid and Marriage Builders by WilliamJ. These two posts will lead you through the maze of Marriage Builders. But you have to read the info. on the site first and SAA so that you can grasp all of the concepts.<p>I know this post seems very cut and dry considering all of the pain that you are experiencing at this moment. But doing this reading will help you through this trying time.<p>Take it one day at a time, and post with questions. K