Does anyone else have a husband who does not have the word romance in his vocabulary? This is not something that came about after marriage, just soemthing that hurts at times. I have never gotten a rose or any other type of flowers from him, just before our anniversary he says "We're not going to get anything for each other are we?", same thing at Christmas, and now for Valentine's Day (although I do get to go out to eat with him! - and that was a shocker), for my birthday he bought me a cd (better than the $10 watch the year before - which by the way I needed because mine went dead). I try to pretend like this doesn't bother me. I am not by any means materialistic - I would be thrilled to death if he picked a dandelion and gave it to me. He says "I tell you I love you, I don't want to have to buy you things", I always agree not to buy anything for each other on holidays, but I can't even get a card from him on our anniversary. I was really hurt, I decided to tell him and he made me feel like crap so I pretend like these things don't matter to me either. In his defense we have 2 children and a mortgage and carnote, and are not rich, but I would much rather him just write a note and all it has to say is Just wanted to say I love you-and I would be happy. All of this from the man I love who proposed to me in our barracks by saying "You know we have to get married before I get out of the Army" No, I was not pregnant, we just wanted to be sure we had a place together when he got out as I wouldv'e had to stay in the barracks if we did not marry. I guess my question -after all of that - is this is there some way to let him know that I want a little romance, without hurting his feelings?

Crazy1<P>As a neglecter myself, I can tell you, my all meand tell him how important these things are to you.<P>If you don't, he will assume everything is OK, you will drift farter away from him, and either find someone who will romance youor leave all together.<P>Sit him down, tell him you are unhappy, and that this is very serious. Get the book the Four Gifts of Love. <P>Maybe even go into counseling. Do not let this get out of hand.<P>I did, and I now have an ex.

Sometimes I think that a mans idea of ramance and a womans idea of romance are not written in the same book. My husband is the same, not ramantically inclined, or so I thought. I'm not one to like flowers, my ex used to buy me flowers all the time. After he had been with his latest girlfriend, after he had lost another job, after he had been arrested and I had to bail him out again. So flowers me nothing to me. I complained to my husband about this and he looked completely confused. He said haven't you come home from work and supper was waiting for you on the table, or the kids are taken care of so you can take it easy at night? Haven't I picked up your favorite magazine when I was at the store because there was an article I thought you might like to read? Haven't I filled your car up with gas or had the oil changed for you because I knew you didn't have time to do it? Haven't I bought you your pms medicine when you didn't feel like going out and buying it yourself? To him, this is being romantic. When I stop and think about it, maybe I have to change my idea a romance a bit. No, he dosen't get on his knees and read poetry to me or saranade me(thank god he's not a great singer LOL) but to him these things he does to make my life alittle easier is ramance. <BR>Just something to think about.

Agreed!! These are practical rather than "romantic" demonstrations of love, but perfectly valid. Someone once opened my eyes to this by saying of my unromantic SO, "He may not love you like you want to be loved, but he loves you the best way he knows." That's all I needed!!

You know, now that you mention romance in this manner, I get the picture. My H does all of those things for me, I guess I never looked at it this way. It is unbelievable to me that in just two responses, I think that I know have a whole new perspective of romance and think maybe I don't even let him now just how much I do appreciate what he does to show his love. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, for opening my eyes to a different type of romance!!!!!!