Hey guys,<p>Back again, just to get your opinions, which I value immensely. This is a big vent, so if you don't want to read any further, you have the option to hit the back button NOW.<p>A couple of reminders...I am currently getting our assets checked because it seems on the surface STBX has disposed of some for me....oh how nice of him. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] . Tomorrow I am off to see Ms. Hotshot (B****) family lawyer who will set my life back on track for a nominal fee...STBX, I am sure is aware of most of this...not the lawyer, but that I am digging in the finances.<p>Well, to those who do not know, I will be in hospital next week for a fairly major op [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] ...a couple of days ago STBX emails his concern about me, and asks what exactly is being done...for me to tell him what I am comfortable with, etc, and where he can contact me, and also the kids while I am in hospital (he is overseas on contract work). All very concerned. Nice. I am glad he can feel the need to be concerned about how I feel after all this time. Does that sound sarcastic? Hmmmm, oh well, dang it!!!<p>ANYWAY...........as the kids and I were overseas with him when we separated, and I had to come back to Oz because he had left me, we had some stuff to be delivered, one item being my precious piano; many of you know all about THAT saga. Well today it all arrived, boxes and boxes of toys and goods, and the piano. The thing is, it looks like the piano got a bad case of sunburn...blisters all over the sky facing surfaces. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] I was DEVASTATED. That piano has been my pride and joy, and my comfort in the early days of this whole thing, and I have waited six months for it to be returned to my possession. And it looks BADDDDDDDDDDDD. (did I do the [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] face?)<p>Anyway, as they were getting it off the truck, they nearly upended it, I swear it went on a 45 degree angle on the ramp. My heart nearly came up my throat...........argggggghhhhhh! And then there are a few dints and some damage to the body. Was it crated? NO!!!!!!!!! They told us it would be, but the way it was packed was flimsy cardboard and polystyrine, with a kind of wooden frame around it..........not real protection at all.<p>So I called the removalists.........bad news, they say take it up with the despatch firm in South Africa....ask Panda how they do business in South Africa!!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So I called a piano technician to see if it was 'cactus' inside too, but he gave it a good bill of health. THAT was good!!! I couldn't stand it if it was ruined inwardly too!!!<p>Then I had to email STBX with the joyous news. Also told him hospital info. He calls back the minute he receives the email........DEVASTATED that the piano is damaged, and all up in arms about what to do about it. Asks me if there was an envelope with insurance details....no.....asks me to do a few calls from this end and he will do a few from his...rah, rah, rah. I am pleasant, and practical, and keeping the seething ANGER out of my voice, because I discover he LET them put my precious piano on the truck in South Africa WITHOUT any packing AT ALL [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] BUT, Jacky kept her cool.......give me some points someone!!!!!<p>Anyway.....then he started talking about the op, and I retold him what was in the email....he was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO concerned for me "I really am, Jack" I thank him, and tell him that is sweet of him. (WOW, was I on a roll!) And not ONE word about the finances from him at ALL. I was waiting for it, believe me, but he did not bring it up. Mind you, I was ready to tell him I would not discuss it with him!!!!!<p>Well, what??? Today he is on MY side...batting for MY team??? How come??? After months of no feeling whatsoever, he starts with all of this? I am so TIRED tonight from unpacking boxes and trying to put this stuff away before I go into hospital, feeling like "Where the F*** is HE when I really neeed him?", and he comes on being SOOOOOOOOOOOO nice!!!!!!!!! I cannot believe it. <p>And I can't believe MYSELF!!! Even though I am in Plan B, I automatically went into Plan A while talking to him on the phone......I just can't believe myself sometimes. Why didn't I tell him where to get off?<p>SO..............vent, vent, vent..........sorry, I have had a rough week or two. You know, I don't even CARE about my surgery on Monday, that is how distracted I feel right now.<p>Someone, please write some words of wisdom!!!!!!!!!<p>Love and light (YES, even in the face of all this)<p>Jacky<p>[ March 13, 2002: Message edited by: Nina too ]<p>[ March 13, 2002: Message edited by: Nina too ]</p>

Dear Jacky,
I have to admit I didn't understand all of this vent (remember my English), but i wanted to let you know that you'll get out of that mood soon, as you always do.
BTW what is op for (I am MD) I missed that information but am worried cause you say MAJOR op
Please answe me.
The H, the piano, the lawyer....noithing is important except your health.
Love

Hi betrayed,<p>My op is a hysterectomy (one HUGE fibroid) [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] . Oh well, I am nearly 41, so I wasn't planning on having any more babies.<p>Gosh you sound GOOD. You seem much stronger, hon!!!<p>Love and light to you,<p>Jacky

Jacky,<p>I can't believe your pinao wasn't wrapped & crated. UNBELIVABLE. <p>as someone who has unpacked overseas shipping TWICE in under yr, I do know what you are dealing with. for all of you out there, this is not your regular unpacking from a move. <p>good luck on op on Monday will be thinking of you and don't kill yourself dealing with all the unpacking & stuff before then.

Hi Jacky-<p>First of all, I missed all the operation stuff. You are right, it is major so take care of yourself. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.<p>I am so sorry about your piano. I know how important it is to you and how long you have been waiting for your things. To finally get it and have it so badly damaged is awful. Can it be repaired?<p>Good luck with all the legal and financial matters in the divorce. They can be emotionally draining so rest up!<p>As for the Plan A stuff, don't be so hard on yourself. This is your H remember, even if he has been an absolute jerk. Old feelings and habits die hard. You are a loving and wonderful woman, with everything you are going through right now I can totally see how you went from Plan B to Plan A.<p>Good luck with everything. <p>Take care and God bless!<p>K

Hey Jackie,<p>1) he still cares for you, and this op has stirred his feelings from the past. . .<p>2) remember, along time ago i said he would return? well, the reality of the event may be hitting him like he doesn't realize. . . .<p>so now comes the waffling phase of his decisino making, (as if the whole decision is up to him!)<p>good luck with the op!<p>wiftty

Greetings,
I have no idea how your H really feels, but I'll tell you what I think, and this is just my opinion and not advice. My husband has been a jerk for 20 years and I have been a "long time fool". Everytime I needed him, he was not there for me. When I needed his support emotionally it seemed like as soon as I leaned in his direction he would step out of the way and let me fall on my face. Then at the least expected time, he would get concerned, supportive and very charming and I would begin to let the wall down that I had built around myself. It seemed as though he waited till I had no defense left and then BOOM... he would do it again. This has been the cycle of my life with him. In his case, I think it was fueled by guilt and control. It took me so long to learn. I still feel like he tries to play mind games with me. I loved him (or thought I did, maybe I was just obsessed)so much that I just kept forgiving and trying to forget. He never gave back to the marriage and much as he took away. He, too, had an affair(probably more than 1, I just happened in on that one...literally) If I had to do over, I would leave his sorry butt early on and get on with my life. As it is, I am now 46, sick to death of him and I don't think he has a clue anything is as bad as it is. He still tries to play the games, but now I don't need anything from him so it's not working. He is going to get a surprise very soon. Probably in the form of a restraing order, I'm getting rid of him as soon as I get a few loose ends tied up and under control. The biggest regret that I have is taking so long to get my feelings out of the way so I could see things for what they really are. It's been 20 years..He is not going to change. My opinons on affairs..I will never tollerate another one from anyone, I may die lonely but I wont be batteling the pain of trying to live with someone who is unfaithful. It is harder than I thought and it's been 17 years since (the one I know about) it started and 15 since it ended.
Good Luck

Dear,
considering surgery I am so sorry but I assume your ovaria will not be removed so you should not have those additional problems with hormons. Am I right? You are ONLY 42! Like I am ONLY 44! HA HA
And I think that would be done transvaginal so you shall be able to wear bikini again during these long warm summers in Australia.<p>You know right before he left me I was thinking about another baby. Can you imagine a disaster while he would be kicking us from the house?
Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately) it didn't come true.<p>I wish you very best about the surgery! How long should you stay in hospital-here it is about two weeks.<p>Let us know how are you as soon as possible.<p>Did your H offered to come and be with you?
If not I think he's only acting, pretending he's better than he realy is.<p>These days my ex is playing a major role "the best father and exH in the world". He is in daily contaczt with daughters, every weekend spending with him, baby and OW. YD decided to celebrate her 12th BD with them not with me. <p>OD is mad at me cause I do not accept his proposal: to take a credit on my name on 5 yrs for buying a car, and then "trust him" hell pay me monthly for this!!!!!!To believe him!!!!!<p>So I maybe sound better but my hart is broken, he doesn't talk with me for months, daughters are cold and distant, and I alone struggle with my mom's CA and my suspicious papa test.<p>But that we'll discuss when you are better .<p>Now think of yourself and kids-your parents will take care thru this time-are they?<p>Love<p>BTW if you want my e-mail is: dara@medri.hr

Thank you everyone for the replies.<p>Sing, yes, these movers are jerks....and we are told we have to follow it up from South African end, so I expect any reimbursement to be a long time coming. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Stillreeling......I know, I know, he is still my H and I just can't seem to forget that I don't want him back, especially when he shows any kind of care towards me. I am going to try and fight it, because he was a liar and a cheater for so long, I just don't want to live that way anymore.<p>Wiftty.....I don't know what is in his head. He is so sad this is happening to me, but at the same time there is a lot of selfish behaviour going on in the background. He STILL didn't give me any personal telephone number, address etc....so God help us if anything happens to me or the kids and he needs to know.<p>longtimefool....I could have called myself by that name. That is exactly what I was. Thing is, whenever I needed H to be there for me, he found it very difficult, and often got annoyed with my pains. NOW he is all sad....well I guess it is safe to be sad when you are in another country.<p>betrayed and desperate...yes, I get to keep my ovaries, but I have to have abdominal surgery, for reasons I would rather not go into now. I will be in hospital for five days only, and then I will be staying at my mum's for a week. BTW, I am still only 40...I turn 41 in a few weeks. I am sorry you are still having difficulties, but you know you are getting better when you get MAD about things, and I think you are starting to feel that.<p>Anyway......I have boxes to unpack, and things to put away, all a mad rush before Monday. That and the legal stuff are really wearing me out. On that note, my new lawyer says that my H is set to lose a LOT of the assets....<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Jackie you are in may prayers, for the OP. I hope it all goes well. I am sorry that the piano was damaged that really sucks. As for him don't budge an inch on finaces , just because he is nice today, proceed with caution. I think it was great that you switched to plan A on him. His mind must be going round and round and maybe there is a little fog clearing who knows. Bottom line you have made it this far and you can keep moving forward with or without him you are a survivor.

I have been divorced for several years. And I get along better with doofus when I try to talk to him in a Plan A 'voice'. I try to seldom display how I feel about him.<p>Although I did tell him that I felt daughter needed to continue to see her counselor once a month in part because her parents can't stand each other. There is no love left to bust so I don't figure that was a lovebuster. It was, from all appearances, the truth.<p>Anyway, Jacky, I shall pray for you over the next few weeks. <p>You're doing great. Pursue reparations for the piano - or ask them if they will replace it with one that won't have memories of the x.