I'm wondering if anyone else is thinking of their ex like I have been. Only because I recently learned he and OW are engaged, to be married around Sept '2002. Good grief, our anniversary was Sept 1 ... grrrrrrr!<p>Now I'm constantly thinking of him and her, or he and I and our life together. Of all the things I shouldn't be thinking about, like their intimate times, their talks, their plans, their happiness ... and comparing it to what we had. <p>All these thoughts keep intruding on my time and barraging me with images. It brings me to tears at times because I don't want to think about it.<p>So I'd like to ask, what would you say is the maximum amount of time you can go WITHOUT thinking about anything to do with your ex?<p>And, any suggestions on how to squelch these thoughts and images would be greatly appreciated.<p>Jo<p>[ March 13, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

good thoughts or evil thoughts?<p>I have plenty of X is such a stupid, messed up, selfish, manipulative borderline, whenever she says something stupid. . . like tonight. . .<p>i don't care who she marries, if she marries, if he crosses into her borderline, he's got a bunch of stuff coming he can't see. . . <p>she is one ungrateful, self-center. . . . oops, i went through that thought already. . . .<p>Jo, get yourself a life, meaning decide what you need to do to make yourself happy, and start working towards that. . . BTW, what are your personal goals anyway? I would start there,<p>and the goals have to be accomplishments you can be proud of and that require hard work, dedication, et. . . like start a new career, go back and get some education, set up some athletic goals, try to win some contests: local newspaper, county fair cooking, sport girls sports programs in your school and outside your school . . .<p>take up girls coaching in a sport. . . softball, soccer, basketball, and take courses in how to coach. . . . <p>how's that for a list. . . . but you need to decide how to make your life happy? and its not with a man, by a man or for a man. . . . get it?<p>wiftty

Exactly 8 minutes. I timed it. <p>Shoot! If I timed how long I could go without thinking of him it means I must have been thinking of him in order to time this time.<p>Maybe the answer is closer to 3 minutes.
Sorry, wish I could say weeks upon weeks....<p>Elizabeth

Maybe half an hour max - geez, I think about my parents probably several times a day at least, and they have been dead for over two decades. <p>I think it is far harder on oneself emotionally to keep expecting it to get easier than it is to realize that it won't.

Hey Gang,<p>I can go for many days... without thinking of her. Last time [well, before reading this] was last night when G was highlighting her hair. I thought of the time when the X did this at home and ended up with orange hair. I thought it looked good [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Then she redyed it and it came out white, I thought it looked good [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] , then she tried to darken it back to mouse brown and ended up the black widow style. I don't know if that's the kind of sentimental memory or thoughts you were looking for, but, I thought it looked good. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>But, mostly I think of her when my son stops to visit me and says that Val called the house again. I am living with Gina right now and T2 [my son, Tim II, get it?] is living at my house. My response it pretty much, "what the **** does she want now?" We are D for over a year, I haven't seen her for the last 14 months, we don't have children together, you had a BF, you didn't want me or the M then and I moved on as per your suggestion, so... LEAVE ME ALONE!!!<p>Sorry, I went away for awhile, but now I'm back. So, now I'm telling T2 to answer and tell her I went away to a place far far away.<p>Wishing us all the Best, I'm in a strange mood tonight, spring is coming...<p>Zippy

Jo,
I could write the same letter with the exception of my additional thoughts about him and OW like a man and wife and him like a father of a newborne son!!!!
You know it can always be worse.
I think of him about twice per minute.
You understand?!
If you find an answer how to forget him, except lobotomy, please announce that!<p>But worse is that I do not only think of him but also send him SMSs from time to time, of course with no answer. The only answer I got was when I conratulate him BD last week.
Oh, God how I still miss him!
And still make scripts: if she finds another lover, if she leaves him , if he realizes what b**** she is, if he remembers our happy days.............................happy end

If you count nighttime, I can go about 5 or 6 hours while I'm sleeping. I don't dream about her anymore. That's an improvement for me.<p>If you're talking about the waking hours only, I can go probably 15 minutes, depending on what I'm doing at the time and how much concentration it takes. I confess that I've been a basket for several years now but I've felt a LOT better in recent weeks due to job demands and reading suspense novels.<p>I'm not sure how to get rid of the thoughts, Jo. I suspect the answer to that question is about as uniquely yours as your fingerprints. I used to love to read but gave it up because it didn't fit too well with having a wife, 4 very busy kids, and very little money to spend on books, but now the kids aren't quite so much and I take an hour or 2 after I go to bed to read. It's a lot better than tossing and turning, and it takes my mind off my troubles.<p>I bet there's something like that in your life that you can use to keep your mind occupied. I believe we choose our thoughts and that with practice we can train our minds to think about what we want to think about. I know it's hard though.

Jo,
I am afraid it is just one of those things we all will have to get used to. It's the same thing of how I look at other people and relationships now. The naivety (sp?) is gone and the trust is gone and I tend to look at things alot more cynacally now than I ever thought I would. But there are things that make life easier as time moves on. The new information is always a set back but they will get easier. And keep in mind how they are starting this marriage and the statistics behind it. I know for a fact that guilt about what I did would eat me up alive if I were the one that did such a selfish thing.
Mike

Pleasant, wistful thoughts? Let's see, it's been 4 years since the divorce--oh, I guess about 19 years. <p>Murderous thoughts? About once every five seconds. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

I don't think you ever stop thinking of people anyone for that matter that you spent a large part of your life with. I think we just learn in time to think about them differently.

Jo, I've been divorced about 14 years....hmmm and except for the odd phone call to the kids..very rare...I haven't had anythoughts at all..good or bad in about 9-10 years. Maybe it's that I'm with someone else..maybe it's because he pretty much upped and left and remarried fairly quickly, or maybe it's senior moments...whatever...it like the whole recovery thing...just takes time and getting on with your life.<p>We actually had an amicable divorce, but the aftershocks were horrible...lying about income statements, critism for everything I did with the kids and his nonavailability for the kids..I got to the point where I refused to talk to him without a witness..still don't do much more than a hello on the phone...in short, I guess I think about him as much as I would a sperm donor.<p>Again, life goes on..as long as you get on the merry go round.
T