This post may catch a lot of flak so I want to be clear up front on my intentions. I do NOT want to use my children as a weapon, but my wife thinks her lover is a good man and will be good for the children. I've been taping phone conversations and it is so crystal clear that he has no interest in them. She is deluded and confused, but this man can do no wrong. I know a lot about him too, maybe more than she does. He's never been in a serious relationship, he's (38) ten years older than us but still acts like a 17 year old. He is a creep, plain and simple. My wife is unwilling to work on our marriage so I have nothing else to try but to give her a dose of reality. If I kick her out (I caught them together last night) she has nowhere to go but him and she will try to take the kids with her. That will scare him to death, and I won't be surprised if he calls the whole thing off before long. Should I do this or is this a bomb waiting to explode?

If you do this, you must be prepared for the possibility of a backfire. AND...the permanent damage that might be done by 'kicking' her out.<p>I think you are probably right but it's a dangerous game.

Alone,<p>I told my w that she couldn't live here and date. He chose to leave but did not take the kids.
She did run to om and he did support her. She stayed in a hotel suite for a week and he paid for it. I'm not sure how he afforded it,I think his mother bankrolls him.<p>Anyway we are now divorced as she would not give him up. They are married and live two mile away from me and the kids.

Before you do anything - I would strongly suggest that you read SAA (Surviving an Affair) by Harley. And while you are waiting to get the book read the info. about affairs on this site. This way you can have a better understanding of what is going on with your marriage and can make good decisions for your family.<p>Everything your wife says about OM, my WH says about OW. It's the affair talking, which when you start reading will let you know that affairs are likened to addictions. The WS's are controlled by the addiction until reality sets in.<p>You may also want to do Plan A before you move on to Plan B - which is what you are talking about doing. It also sounds like you want to take a "Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson approach - which is one's natural inclination in this situation.<p>It's easier to Plan A while the WS is in the house, and easier on the kids, so read, get informed and then make a decision.<p>K

My suggestion is NOT to do that. If he is really this bad of a person, then she will find this out when she is out of the Fog. You cannot give her a dose of reality when she is in the fog, I believe that it will backfire on you. I also suggest reading the book if you have not already done so, it will help explain where she is at. I know it is hard but let the A run its course, I suggest Plan A for as long as you can do that and then Plan B if Plan A fails. It sounds like the odds are in your favor, you just need to give this some time, eventually she should come out of the Fog and see reality. It sounds like he is a loser but don't EVER, EVER tell your wife this, you must let her figure this out on her own, please don't LB. Resepect her decision, become a better person, the fog will lift for her, she will see reality, she will see him for his true colors and hopefully she you for the new person that you have become. Use this time to work on yourself.<p>PS. I have a 6 figure income, we lived in a 3000 sq ft house, my wife had all of the FS she could every ask for but I was not meeting her ENs, therefore she left me for a painter that has very little income, lives with his parents, is 10 years older than her, never been married, never been around kids, etc. Don't underestimate the power of the OM over the WS, it is an incredible force, any thing you do wrong will just serve to make the OM look better to her. Best of luck,
Dave