A few months ago I had heard EXW was going to marry OM. Now I have heard that that have set a date for June and are inviting people. I don't know why but now I am back on the rollercoaster ride and it sucks. I talked to the therapist she said it is hard to let go, because I haven't even caught up to the divorce yet, the emotional divorce even though I went through the legal motions. She also said it is as if EXW got a divorce with out me. We never talked, no counseling, she just left and acted like I never existed in her life. I am so tired of this.
I have met someone else who treats me wonderful and is everything I could want in a partner, but the rollercoaster is holding me back now. Well just writing to write, I feel stuck again. I will be ok.

I'm glad you wrote.<p>Although my divorce isn't inal yet, everytime I think I'm ok with what's happening the grief sets in. I know that in his current state my WH is no one who I would want to be with, but the loss of the marriage is still pretty hard to take.<p>It's like your therapist said - they got a divorce without us.<p>I am glad that we are having these feelings in a way because it reaffirms what wonderful compassionate people we are and how committed we were to the marriage.<p>Yes, we'll be ok, but it still isn't any fun to go through this whole process.<p>I'm hanging in there with ya! K

I know exactly how you are feeling. I just found out last week that my xh is going to marry the woman he left his family for sometime this summer. Our divorce was final the beginning of this year. This news hit me hard and literally made me sick. My counselor told me that it is very hard to let go, especially when my xh was the one wanting the divorce and didn't want to do anything to make the marriage work....he gave up. There is a part of me that still cares for him but that part is very small now. He has really hurt me and my two boys and everything he is putting us through and has put us through has made me see a different light that I never saw before. It kills me that I am being replaced and my children will have a stepmother but on the other hand I don't ever want to be with him again. My biggest concern is for my children and how they will handle this when my xh tells them.<p>My rollercoaster ride has gone back up again just after a week and finding out about my xh's intentions. I don't know how but the support I have is wonderful and I knew and still know that if I could get through the divorce and still be sane I could get through anything. I never knew I had this much strength but it is a wonderful feeling to be able to climb out of the holes I keep falling in.<p>Keep your head up...........<p>Kathy

Hey Jabber,<p>It just takes time. I still have those times and I have been divorced 2 yrs.<p>Bob

(((((((((((((((((jabber)))))))))))))))<p>I am sorry for your current pain. I know I would go mad with this kind of thing. All you can do is what you have said to me....get on with your life, do what you have to do to survive, and know that you are the better person.<p>You have been here longer than I, so you know the stats for this kind of union. Take heart, you did your best, and it wasn't good enough for her. So what? Are you the one being immoral? Are you the one who hid behind a sheild of lies? Are you the one trying to justify the rightness of her actions by marrying the guy? <p>I will never forget the face of my SIL the day she wed her OM....she was SOOOOOOOOOOO scared. It reeked from her, and she couldn't even smile for the photographer. Even now you look at those pictures and see the FEAR in her eyes. Okay they are together after 10 yesrs....but are they happy? Well, it depends on how you look at it. They have multitude of 'problems', but they say they do ok. I think SIL had a lot less problems with her X, but try to tell her that, even now....<p>You will survive this, my man, and well. You are strong, resilient and a have a great heart...do not let this turn of events bring you down.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

It is good to know that there are people who understand the pain and frustration. It is good to have support here and at home from family. yes i will survive and I know I am the better person. It is just hard sometimes to have to work on mylife and moveing forward everyday. It was nice when life just went on with out all this emotion and termoil. But I am thankful, because I have grown so much and can see how much i do have to give, I can see how I was put down for so many years and didn't even know it.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I will never forget the face of my SIL the day she wed her OM....she was SOOOOOOOOOOO scared. It reeked from her, and she couldn't even smile for the photographer. Even now you look at those pictures and see the FEAR in her eyes. Okay they are together after 10 yesrs....but are they happy? Well, it depends on how you look at it. They have multitude of 'problems', but they say they do ok. I think SIL had a lot less problems with her X, but try to tell her that, even now....
<hr></blockquote><p>what a great story! Every time I read these stories, I feel better . . . .<p>wiftty

jabber,<p>The end of our marriages is much like a death of sorts. The problem comes in that the death of a marriage ...leaves both persons alive so that all we have to grieve is that lost love.<p>You will keep getting on the rollercoaster until you get past the death of your marriage. You are taking positive steps by being in counseling. Also try John Grays "Mars and Venus Starting Over".<p>You mention having a loving person in your life right now. <p>I reccomend forceing yourself off this painful ride and give your best efforts to those who love you... rather than those who lost you.<p>Take good care my friend.<p>Randy

give your best efforts to those who love you... rather than those who lost you.<p>Thank You for those words, they rang in my head like a bell, Sometimes we just need to hear things put the right way, to remember what path we are on.