My H is putting the pressure on to get the D. We really only have a few things to work on and then we are back to the lawyers.....I still don't want to do this. I really have no choice. He lives with the OW in a brand new house and he got her transferred to his office. I don't want to be divorced!! It has been 8 months since he left. This is the first week that he has seen the kids twice in one week. My 17 yr old didn't really want to go play golf with him today. He wants to go over a few things when he drops the boys off. Most of the time I think I am ready and can handle whatever comes at me....(at least I think so)...but today....I don't feel ready. I feel scared. He started a whole new life....he did it before his old life was even settled....I don't think that he will ever come out of this. I know I have to do this...it's just so hard. I still love him with all of my heart and I know he has screwed up big time. To just thow out 22 yrs....in 9 months....it's hard for me! I know he still has feelings for me...they are in there somewhere. Thanks for listening....

<p>[ March 20, 2002: Message edited by: newstartj ]</p>

My H and I do each have our own lawyers...they are charging us a fortune...something that I do not have. I will get more from my H than any lawyer ever could.....my own lawyer said if we went to court, that I wouldn't get what he is already going to give me! When I meet with him in person.....he gives me just about everything that I want. Guilt and shame are amazing feelings to work with.....we did end up talking today by phone...I really need to get a grip when we are talking....I need to show him that I am strong...I start to cry...I hope he didn't realize it today...but he knows me too well. I think that the D will be within a few weeks. That's my next big hurdle.
I have not said anything negative to him in months...I know he notices...but it means nothing...he likes where he is right now....and I have to just be ready to be done with my marriage.

My WH left in Aug. too. I thought that perhaps that by now he'd have a different attitude, but he sounds like your WH. However, mine is not in the giving mood, so if he's being generous, I'd take it before he changes his mind.<p>Unfortunately, they've think they know what they want, even if we and teh whole world knows that they are making the wrong decision. It's the hardest thing to grasp, and I'm having trouble with it myself, but unless they change, there is nothing we can do, although it sounds like you've been doing everything you could.<p>The only way I can prevent myself from saying anything negative to my WH is to not talk to him at all - which is driving him crazy. <p>Keep posting and let us know how you are doing and how everything works out. K