well, here i am, a 27 y/o male who, in retrospect, didn't give the effort
she needed, but DID give my promise and commitment for the rest of my life.
I know it sounds so cliche, but damn it hurts like hell when you get that
call: "Jon, I feel like i've been apeasing you for a while and trying to
make this work, but alas I want a divorce!" A WHAT!?, as my knees buckle!<p>3 and a half years, no kids, no house. I guess I can count my blessings.
Funny thing is that SHE was the one for the past year all but begging me to
have kids and buy a house! Still in school, I voted NO. Aint that Ironic.
I always doubted people that said their divorces came out of the blue, yeah
right, you HAD to see something comming. Well, I'm here to tell you, it
exists, and it's UGLY S#!T. I saw her off at the airport for 5 weeks of job
training out of state. Kissed her, safe trip, and I'd see her soon. All
week I fanticized about her return 2 weeks later for a weekend home w/ me.
What a diff. a day makes!<p>1 week away from home:
*Sat: spoke about which lot we would pick out for a new house to be built in
a few months. I love you a ton, see you in a week!
*Sun: Monotone voice: "I've had a chance to think while away, and I don't
think this marriage will work. No therapy, no chance, make plans!"
mon-tues-wed-thurs-fri: devistation, wheeping like a puppy. No change, "Is
this really the woman I married, my dream woman?"
*Sat-Sun: pick her up at the airport, nice conversation, NERVOUS AS HELL!
gave her a letter pouring my soul out, committing my life to making myself a
complete person and our marriage goal #1! She slept on it, and awoke w/ the
same lack of commitment [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So she's back there for 1 more week. I'm moving out this week and finishing
finals, WHAT TIMING!<p>No bickering, nasties, or anything that would give ME a clue! We would tell
eachother how happy we BOTH were that we were married and had each-other,
and didnt have to deal w/ the bull**** of being single. Our sex life has
even been IMPROVING over the last year. A fight/disagreement every 6 months
if that. I just shake my head ashamed at the role I may have played leading
to this graveyard of destitution! BUT I CURSE HER for not sitting me down,
looking me in the eye, holding my hand and saying: "Jon, I love you, but
there ARE problems I'm having and we NEED to get help/change YESTERDAY!"
I'm cool, SIGN ME UP!<p>I feel like a reliable car that just got traded in for that sporty
convertible. Welcome to the 21st century w/ Gen X at the wheel: "Got
commitment?, Naw, it's FEELINGS that count" She has a degree and been
working for 3 years. finally broke through to a pharmaceutical sales
position, makes twice what whe did a year ago, and its SEE YA LATERville!<p>I feel defrauded. None of those smiles, touches, sighs, I-Love-Yous,
reassurances, dreams or ANY OF IT was for real. It WAS for me, but I guess
it takes 2!<p>The questions and uncertainty: was it me? what did i do? why wont she face
her problems w/ me? why does she REFUSE counselling? do I go for alimony?
Do I just cut my ties and make my own path? Do I sit and CRYor thank God
that I found out what her idea of marriage was when I did? Man, this
roller-coaster is a wild ride. Great way to loose weight though [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>GOD, I'm scared to love again. I'm hoping for that "come-to-jesus" moment
that she might have when she gets back to an empty apartment and just
another DAMN job peddling drugs to snotty doctors [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] I don't know if it will
come though. She's a strong-willed woman, thats why I married her.<p>Well, thanx for the ear, and wish us luck. Good luck to you all out there
too! You must be shaking your heads saying: "He's got it soooo easy!" [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
Well, even w/out kids or a house, that was our dream. And now the dream is
all but dead!<p>better days will come,<p>Jon

What a terrible thing. I feel you pain. I understand how you feel. Mine left the same way.<p>But I bought the Relationship Rescue book. It is helping me identify how I didn't meet her needs and tells me I am the only one that can change.<p>Also, try the www.divorcebusting.com site. It will give you some insight.

JON,<p>Well I see that this is your first, so first I want to say welcome to Marriage builders, this board is just part of a wonderful site full of information to help in re-building and building better marriages, even ones that are at the point yours is now.<p>But you must read all of the info that is contained here, don't rush off and file, don't get pushed into anything that you don't want to do. There are materials here to help you build yourself into a better person while you wait for your wife to come out of the fog. It takes time and takes patience, you have to give it the time it needs, how much that is is different for each individual. It does take two for a marriage, but at first you must work on yourself and show wife that you are sincere with making yourself better. (Mind you I am not saying that you were a bad person before!!)<p>Come here or to the general questions II, the support that you will receive is great and you need the support of friends to make it through this, it's rough!!<p>Look for a post from redhat he has all kinds of links listed in his signature line that will help you, there are also some welcome post of Just found out board.<p>Stick around for a while and do some reading, come post when you need to ask questions or just to vent.<p>Take care, God Bless
Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]