I posted this on the emotional needs forum, but I am beginning to think that this is where I should have come at first.
Hi everyone. It has been quite some time since I have posted.
Well, I have finally decided to separate from my H. Things have just been pretty much a cycle around here. Tension building(breakdown of communication), Incident(verbal and emotional abuse), Reconciliation(apologizing, excuses, blame-game, denial), Calm(nothing seems to have happened). It seems to never end and it takes place about every other month. I feel that I have neglected our son by letting him be caught in the middle of the havoc. I know what it is like to be in the middle of turmoil. I grew up in it. So why didn't I decide to do anything until now. All the bitterness from the beginning of the marriage(5 years ago) has just escalated and now there is no love or respect left in this marriage on either side.<p>Well, I am scared to leave because I am afraid of being lonely. I am scared to leave because I don't won't our son to grow up in a single household like I did. I am scared he may find someone else. I just have so many fears, but I have no choice but to leave. Not just for my sanity, but for the happiness and sake of our son. I haven't said anything to my H yet, but I plan on moving out tomorrow.<p>I guess what has really made me decide to go is because he call me a "deadbeat"(I just became unemployed, I don't clean the house everyday or cook everyday). This is why I am a deadbeat to him. I was really crushed. When I was working a full-time job, I still had to try to cook and clean. Without any assistancce from him. I just became burned-out.<p>I know that I can survive without him. I have gone back to school to get a degree in web development/programming and I am maintaining a GPA of 3.8. So I am happy about that. I don't see how I am maintaining that with all this havoc that is going on. Anyway, I know that I can be happy and successful without him.<p>So can someone please give me some positive, uplifting advice.

What a terrible situation. I understand how you feel. I want you to know that I am there for you.<p>Here is some food for thought...<p>Being the controlling abusive husband that I was I have some advice. I never meant to be verbally abusive. I just didn't know how to voice my thoughts. I knew there was something wrong and I would get caught up in yelling and aiming my frustrations at my partner instead of myself.<p>Buy the Relationship Rescue book. Work on it and see if it improves your marriage.<p>My STBX told me several times in her own way about her unhappiness. Our divorce is almost here. Living alone with a part-time child is ok and I don't miss the fights. I would've done anything if I knew what to give her and meet her needs. She is a beautiful woman and mother. I regret every time I raised my voice or every moment I wasted not meeting her needs.<p>I never even thought of our daughter growing up in dysfunctional, divorced, or blended family. I would do anything to get them back and have a loving, romantic and exciting relationship. That is why is still work on the book. Maybe one day she will come back.<p>Don't make my mistake. Fight for your family. Do it today.

{{{Dimples))) I can empathize. My H and I have been together for 20 years. He has been living out of the house for 15 months, some of the time with his OW. In my case the OW seems to be the key. He spends time with me, we seem to be getting closer, then all of a sudden he picks fights, becomes verbally abusive, and disappears. Then we don't see each other for a while until he comes back around, apologizing, wanting to work things out, telling me I'm his best friend, saying he knows he has to end A (someday, never today)...<p>I'm tired of the merry-go-round and angry at myself for buying the BS (not betrayed spouse [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ). For me it's time to accept what is and realize that it's not good enough. <p>I'd love to have my WS back, work on our marriage, and move on, but unfortunately, that's not what he wants. <p>Yeah we can survive... Congratulations on the great GPA!

As far as I know there is no one else in the picture. We have a lot of issues that we just have not seemed to handle in a mature manner from the beginning of marriage and things are just to the point whereas it is so overwhelming. I just don't know how he is going to feel when I tell him that I am ready to leave for a season. He called me to ask did I want to go to the park for a walk as a family. He wants us to go to church tomorrow with one of our classmates. He has never cared too much for church. Now how ironic. I think that this is his way of trying to get back on my good side and then he is back to his controlling and manipulative ways.<p>He really doesn't have the slighest clue that I am ready to go. I am really stuck with how I am going to tell him.