Okay, I'm talking with a guy on the net...he's 40...he's never been married...he's never had sex...he says he's never met the right person and he won't compromise...<p>He says he has the desire...he's almost done it...but he won't with the wrong woman...<p>He sent me several pictures and he's handsome. He's very intellegent...<p>What do you guys think? <p>1. Is he telling the truth?<p>2. Is he too picky?<p>3. Could he be a good catch for not compromising his feelings and having sex with the wrong person?<p>Should this bother me?<p>ANNA<p>[ March 16, 2002: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</p>

he says: he's never been married...are you sure?
he says: he's never had sex...are you sure?
he says: he's never met the right person and he won't compromise... are you sure?
he says: he has the desire...he's almost done it...but he won't with the wrong woman... are you sure?<p>He sent me several pictures and he's handsome. are you sure its him?<p>He's very intellegent... so he says or are you absolutely convinced?<p>1. Is he telling the truth? NO <p>2. Is he too picky? NO <p>3. Could he be a good catch for not compromising his feelings and having sex with the wrong person?<p> NO! <p>Should this bother me? It does me <p>1) do you know where he works? if so, is there a way you can get a female reference from him, and then check out his story?<p>2) if the sex line is true, are you up for teaching him how to be a good lover from scratch? Do you have the patience to teach him?<p>wiftty

I'm sorry, sounds pretty weird to me!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by WhenIfindthetime:
<strong>he says: he's never been married...are you sure?
he says: he's never had sex...are you sure?
he says: he's never met the right person and he won't compromise... are you sure?
he says: he has the desire...he's almost done it...but he won't with the wrong woman... are you sure?<p>He sent me several pictures and he's handsome. are you sure its him?<p>He's very intellegent... so he says or are you absolutely convinced?<p>1. Is he telling the truth? NO <p>2. Is he too picky? NO <p>3. Could he be a good catch for not compromising his feelings and having sex with the wrong person?<p> NO! <p>Should this bother me? It does me <p>1) do you know where he works? if so, is there a way you can get a female reference from him, and then check out his story?<p>2) if the sex line is true, are you up for teaching him how to be a good lover from scratch? Do you have the patience to teach him?<p>wiftty</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Well Wiftty,<p>Those are all questions I had too...<p>Although I posted on EN and I'm getting conflicting post...<p>I do know where he works and I thought the same thing...I want a female reference...but that sounds weird too...<p>Let's say a guy says he only had three women...then what...Am I gonna get references from them too...<p>Is this discriminating against someone just because they say they've never "done it"?<p>Also, don't you "kind of, sort of" have to teach every lover you have....I mean it this way...my husband was way more experienced than I was, but we still taught each other what we liked....I had no problem gently guiding his hand or telling him what I liked and what I hated...<p>Thinkin' about it...I think something that would bother me is...I worry about him being judgemental...This is like thinking way ahead...but let's say we hit it off, some day way down the road we got married, we did it...I have 19 years of experience with sex...he has none...will he think I'm a tramp?<p>Oh gosh! [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] <p>ANNA<p>Lonely mom,<p>I mainly just have mixed feelings about it...<p>Thanks guys!<p>ANNA

{quote] I do know where he works and I thought the same thing...I want a female reference...but that sounds weird too... [/quote]<p>well, the reference wasn't supposed to be about sex, but about reality testing. . . . and NONE at age 40 is different than 3. . . . <p>you see, if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is. . . . and at age 40, NONE is not good. . . as a normal guy, i would say there is something wrong, fear of commitment, or the desire to impress or to tug at a woman's sense of purity,etc. . . . <p>what would you think about a woman that was 40 and has never had sex?<p>Back to him, suppose he doesn't like it on his first time? suppose the first time with you he is so self conscious that he will leave right afterwards, and or play on your sympathies. . .<p>gosh, i would like to have some experience to work with. . . .<p>I know one guy that was a virgin until mid thirties. . . . and he is a little wierd, but they met the regular way, and were classmates at an ivy school, just not introduced. . . so they had something in common, and then hit it off. . . <p>and they have been together ever since, BUT she refuses to have kids or even get married, she thinks marriage is some sort of violation . . . so they are just living together . . . <p>as i said, it just sounds weird, and designed to get your interest and massage your ego. . . .

Thanks again for your advice Wiffty...<p>I do have lots of questions...<p>as i said, it just sounds weird, and designed to get your interest and massage your ego. . <p>I thought about the very same thing... I wondered if it wasn't some kind of line he gives all women...then later on dates he says something like, "You are the only one that makes me want sex..." If he does that, I think I'll puke!<p>Anyway, here's a post I wrote to Jan on EN...<p>
He called me as I was typing this...<p>We talked for a long time. I really do think he's truthful and I do also think it's his religion...<p>Anyway, he asked me for lunch on a board walk and then to see his boat...<p>I told him perhaps lunch but the boat is way too soon. I made no definite plans though.<p>Take care and thanks all!<p>ANNA<p>Yep, Wiffty...against my better judgement, I'll probably have lunch with him...<p>ANNA<p>[ March 16, 2002: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</p>

Sounds awfully fishy to me ... I say walk away. Too many peculiarities. Not saying it all isn't possible, anything is possible, but why waste the energy?<p>Jo

Anna,
I'm new to this dating thing after so many years being married. It's a strange new world with a whole new set of procedures from when I was in my twenties. If you do go out with him make sure that it is in a very public place and do not go anywhere alone with him. Make sure a friend knows you are with him and where you plan to be. Have a plan that you will call this friend when you arrive home so they will know you are okay. I know it sounds ultra cautious but if you do not know this man and you are already questioning his honesty then it's much better to be safe. <p>The only thing about him not having sex (if it is true) is that I would wonder if he has built it up into some unreal fantasy that no one could live up to. But if this is the only "red flag" you see then I wouldn't let it stop you from meeting him. Sex shouldn't happen for awhile anyway and you may decide this guy is a loser way before it gets to that point. <p>It's good that you are being realistic about this. I say get to know him in person then make up your mind. But be aware of the "red flags" and don't overlook them if they become numerous.<p>Have fun out there, but be careful.
ASM

Anna,
this sounds too weird to be true.
You should NOT go to his boat.
I wonder if he tells women that to get them to trust very fast, then????????
Stay in a public place, be wary. STAY SAFE and take your pepper spray.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by cl:
<strong>Anna,
this sounds too weird to be true.
You should NOT go to his boat.
I wonder if he tells women that to get them to trust very fast, then????????
Stay in a public place, be wary. STAY SAFE and take your pepper spray.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I'm laughing because I do have pepper spray! hehe...<p>ANNA

Oh just for anyone curious...<p>The guy is a medical entomologist...yep...he studies bugs...<p>Yep, I never would of guess some day I may go out with a man who studies bugs...<p>He has a graduate degree. He speaks spanish fluently and knows 3 other languages...<p>AND YES, my main attraction to him is his intelligence...which is one of my main EN's...<p>ANNA<p>[ March 17, 2002: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</p>

Initial response.<p>Liar liar pants on fire.<p>And if he is not lying, he has some kind of major hang up or mother fetish or something.<p>Closet homosexual?<p>Long history of being incarcerated perhaps?<p>Something smells. Let us know. I love being wrong! He is probably prince charming or something. <p>Do lunch, bring pepper spray, spend the 50 bucks and do a 1 800 us search. <p>Elizabeth

lunch to meet a rare species,
sounds like good entertainment to me. . . .<p>hmmm, since he looks at bugs all day and lives on a boat, and has never had sex,<p>are we sure his mast will hoist? er. . . .
do you think he has ever seen a spanish fly?<p>I bet he hasn't found anyone because there will be no one else on earth that will want to live on a sailboat and watch bugs with him all day!!!<p>if you date him, would he loose his captaincy if he lived on shore?<p>all kidding aside, a lunch date is not dating in my book. . . . so its not against my better judgement to have lunch with him. . . . <p>its against my better judgement to entertain any possbility of a normal, average, healthy long term relationship. . . <p>and remember, these are merely instantaneous reactions to the information you posed. . .<p>one last question, naaaaa, i've said enough.<p>hey, good luck,
but keep it public. . . . and then let us know how it flies. . . .

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by WhenIfindthetime:
<strong>lunch to meet a rare species,
sounds like good entertainment to me. . . .<p>hmmm, since he looks at bugs all day and lives on a boat, and has never had sex,<p>are we sure his mast will hoist? er. . . .
do you think he has ever seen a spanish fly?
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Oh sheesh! I just choked on my water! Too FUNNY!'<p>AND MEN! You can't stop a sentence by saying, "One last question...nawwwww never mind!"<p>Spill it now! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>ANNA

Anna....Two Words about this...<p>BE CAREFUL!!<p>Just someone that cares

Anna<p>Please be careful....if you do meet with him, do it in a public place....during the day...and have friends sitting at a table nearby. I would do that to cover all of the bases. <p>He does sound a little weird though...but as long as you are careful....give it a try. You might learn something about bugs. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] It might also be more than you want to know!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
Good Luck!!
MAX

OK, I gotta admit, I find this discussion pretty discouraging, especially considering my recent lament on this board about the prejudice against people who actually believe in principles enough to live by them.<p>No, I wouldn't trust this guy. But that has nothing to do with him saying he's a virgin.

gdp,<p>my X will convince you she has standards and lives up to them all the time. . .<p>the problem is that these are standards for the moment. . .<p>suppose the standards are to protect zero self esteem with women and sex . . .<p>[ March 18, 2002: Message edited by: WhenIfindthetime ]</p>

WOW, I just CAN'T WAIT until (if) you bring him around the ol' internet coffee shop...<p>"Hi all, this is my new guy friend. He's 40 and is a med. ent. He's intelligent and has very high moral standards."<p>Then... the stoning begins! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>"What are you, some kind of freak? Never had sex?"<p>"Are you some kind of closet homo?"<p>"You'd better not kidnap our dear Anna!"<p>etc, etc....<p>Jinkys! Talk about a VERY protective group.<p>Ok, Ok, I'm just havin' fun. <p>In all seriousness though, if he's got a degree in Medical ANYTHING (by the way, does that mean that he's the guy that puts maggots on infected wounds and stuff, Anna?), then I think it quite possible that he may not have had time for a family (or fun) yet. My W has a cousin whose going through Med School, and though he's nowhere near 40, he has a similar kind of tale.<p>
Really, Anna, you should always be careful (unless of course it's me - TRUUUUUST ME! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ). The world, well maybe only Texas, is full of weirdos!<p>K

Wiffty,<p>Where's my question? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Kevco,<p>I smiled and chuckled a little through your entire email. BTW, I'm sorry but you guys are not gonna meet ANYONE I date...I refuse to scare my "men" off. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>BTW, I've been so busy, I miss IMing you guys.. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] This weekend is going to be no fun either...I havta work dang it!<p>You are also right about him not having time for years for women. He just got his Master degree in 99'. Also, he said he said he lost a very special person while going through school...<p>Although, I wonder if he's the type that will always have a project to occupy his mind...Right now his project is his boat. What will be after that? Oh gosh, I just answered my question in my head, in 2003 he wants to take two months off his job and sail to the Carribean, which is very possible in his line of work. So this boat thing will keep him very occupied until then...<p>You guys are cool for caring so much!<p>Now to my next question. Who on MB misses sex more than a relationship? hehe<p>ANNA