Well, this is just a lonely vent...I don't typically feel lonely but this weekend I do. <p>I have this feeling like a small part in my heart is empty and needs to be feeled with someone.<p>I don't like this feeling.<p>ANNA

Anna,<p>Haven't posted to you before but can relate to the feelings that you have shared. I am sorry that you are feeling down tonight!!<p>It's hard and I work at it every day. I am an ok person and the void that WH has left doesn't need to be filled to just be filled, so I am finding other things that make me happy and that I enjoy doing. I do miss the hugs and kisses, the pats or touching, the knowing that there is someone other then my parents and kids that cares about me. But I know that I am ok!! And I work hard at keeping my spirits up, I avoid any depressing talks and change the subject if someone is leading me into that type of conversation.<p>But hey sometimes we must give in and have that pity party!!<p>Take care,
Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

AV,
I never come to this section and have been off MB for awhile...am actually in recovery but I noticed your name and I see you post alot, your sweet and give alot of good advice...and support to others. <p>I'm sorry you feel alone, please don't..I was there last week...I have been in recovery over a year, while we are doing good, sometimes I too, feel very alone and sad...for many reasons..and it feels terrible. <p>HUGS Annavon..your not alone..I know we are here on a board but please don't feel lonely..if you need to vent..please do...I will listen..can't offer much more but I listen good...<p>T

Anna2000...<p>sorry...I meant that..not annavon..I read a post from her not to long ago...but I was clearly speaking about YOU..LOL..sorry...Please come talk to us tonight..we are here...your not alone..do you have Instant Messenger? I could talk to you there...let me know..I will email mine to you..<p>T

interesting freudian slip...it truly is fEEled isn't it...as well as filled.

Anna,
Hang in there! Take one day at a time. You wil get stronger everyday! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>MAX

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by sad_n_lonely:
<strong>interesting freudian slip...it truly is fEEled isn't it...as well as filled.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>LOL SNL....True..and I make that mistake a lot I'm afraid...<p>I also will type there, instead of their. Which I see a lot of people on here do...<p>It doesn't help my typing any that I'm exhausted, I have worked two weekends in a roll. I am so sick of numbers and bookkeeping that I could almost puke....<p>TBaby,<p>Thanks for being so nice. It made me laugh that you put Annavon. Actually, I do have IM, and I'm speaking with none other than Annavon, hehe. <p>I talk with a lot of people from MB on here. Email me and I'll add you.<p>Although lately, my job has kept me so busy, I have no time.<p>I think that is one of my problems, I feel like all I do is work, eat, sleep and then work again. My company has had several bookkeepers over a period of less than a year. I have had to go back two years and fix errors that other bookkeepers have made...That's a tough one, when we've already filed the tax returns and my company is not about to amend a return...<p>Well, anyway, thanks for your warm thoughts guys. Some day this void I am "feeling" will be "filled".<p>ANNA<p>[ March 17, 2002: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</p>

P.S.<p>I am going to bed, I have to work tomorrow. So night all.<p>Thanks again to everyone who responded. It's true, Daybreak, everyone needs a pity party every now and then...<p>Night all.

Hi Anna -<p>I can totally relate to your lonely post. I am feeling the same way. My two girls (4.5 and 2.5) left today for Spring Break with their dad. I still have the baby (10 months) but I can't shake this lonesomeness. I try not to think about it or wallow in it, but for this entire weekend, I've just wished I had someone to hold me, to laugh with, and to love me. I don't think I'm ready to date, and the whole "I have three kids under 5" thing doesn't really help my cause as a single girl, so I know in reality, I need to face that I am alone now, and probably will be for a very long time. But it doesn't change the fact that I miss being married. I'm 32, and started dating my ex H at 21. We were married for 7.5 years, and together for 10. That is a long time to get used to being with someone. So it will take me a long time to get used to being without.<p>So, I doubt this cheered you up. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] My whole rambling point was to tell you that I understand, and I hope it gets better for both of us. I hope something amazing happens to you this week! <p>Who Am I Now (Krista)

Anna,<p>SO TRUE!!!! Ditto here.<p> [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Anna,<p>I'm sorry you were feeling so lonely last night [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]
and I didn't post here..<p>I was at an online Bible study..starts 10:00 pm EST..every Monday night..(baring emergencies and holidays) if you interested e-mail me and I can help you locate us [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

me too. H had affair almost all last yr. I know more than he thinks I do, confirmed by others. He filed in Nov '01, I did not want divorce & did not sign it. He was leaving our house to me. He returned home in late January & eventually filed for dismissal at the last minute (60th day from filing). Since he was home, I found OW at his apt when he went there to "pack" & bring stuff home!! He was only out of the house 6-7 weeks. Since hes been back hes told me he made a mistake returning numerous times. He told me several times he was going to refile, that it would only cost another $800. Because of this, I never signed dismissal. I only told him this 2 weeks ago when again he said he would refile. He hit the roof. Then he said he was glad I never signed dismissal. But that this time he was taking the house that it was HIS paid for with HIS money (I earn half what he does but have worked 40 hrs a week for yrs). Or else he tells me to buy him out.<p>Other days he says he'll leave it to me & that hes going to move out to another town where his job is. Then he tells me Im selfish when I talk about MY feelings (instead of blaming him for affair) and that I want to take everything away from him. He said one time "Oh, I'll miss this house". I asked "oh, the house but not me?" He answered "Not really". How @#*@ cruel is that!! Then again he tells me we'll have to sell the house & split it 50/50. The house is in both our names & its my HOME. I have no living family, parents dead, no siblings etc. H & I were it for each other for 5yrs friends & 9 1/2 yrs marriage.<p>He's at home still, sleeping on the living room floor, with only yes or no answers if any. He has a cell phone & laptop but I get the feeling the affair tapered off since christmas, possibly totally over. So hes what?Moping? In the fog? Its definately totally withdrawal. I took a 2nd part time job for extra income when he left the first time. He doesnt even worry about me leaving the building in the dark of night & arriving late. He doesnt seem to care where I go, or when I'll be home. I have asked him to come with me to things like recent parade & free music event. He flat refused. He goes out & never tells me where, or when he will be back. (though he is at our friends homes & the wives tell me). The guys used to be his friends & the wives, mine. But this past yr when he avoided his friends, these very reserved guys told me "our house is your house anytime"!!<p>They can see from his behaviour something is wrong. But since he has been home, they dont know. We do NOTHING together. He is like a piece of furniture. Except I cannot let go of the hope that he'll come around & committ to our marriage again cause hes in our home & I see him all the time. But when he first came back, I was still unhappy because he never showed me any caring, no affection, no glad to be back, no missed me, NOTHING! I am tired of fearing of the car breaking down etc & having NOONE be concerned where I am. I am tired of being cold & sleeping alone, while I hear him downstairs snoring. I got tired of cooking & doing Laundry & trying to be nice & him not caring & rejecting me still. So, I quit. Though he says nothing, hes mopey about that. But he always said I didnt care anyhow. Now he has justification for it in his mind. But he knows I want him back in our marriage. He has seen me crying, but tells me to quit it. <p>I asked where are we going? that I need someone to talk to, even about simple how was your day stuff. That I need someone to be concerned for me & show some oune of affection & caring. Someone to give me ahug when I am feeling down, to share things with etc etc. He asked me if I want him to move out, in an angry tone & told me I was selfish & taking everything from him! I never answered his question, cause my heart still says no, commit to our marriage and love ME!!<p>I am willing to be there & do that for him but he rejects it completely, tells me leave it alone or dont worry, he'll do it himself. I am so desperate for a simple hug. I feel like I am in some sensory deprivation chamber. How long do I live like this? I have 2 jobs & am not home much anyhow. But I dont want to be there, because its too sad, but I love my home& if he gave me just 1 sign he cared for me still & our marriage was worth saving to him, I would jump on it.<p>Someone please start a new thread about living with a returned wayward spouse who is 100% plus -withdrawn but not leaving home or interacting with spouse. How long do I live like this? My giver is totally dead, and my taker is about to die of starvation. None of my needs are being met whatsoever. I am the one walking around in a fog. The fog of automatic pilot - go to work, earn money, go home and sleep. Repeat. Only saving grace is that both jobs FT & PT are new since last November. I love the FT one and the PT one is pleasant too. I may start taking a class another night of the week. Im hardly home & he doesnt care. Eats out if theres no left overs in fridge. SOmeone start a new thread on dealing with this, please!! Ive seen alot of references to living with a withdrawn spouse. How long cna I keep this up?

Me too, Anna ..... me too [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]