"How to Speak About Women & Be Politically Correct"<p>1. She is not dumb -
She is a detour off the information superhighway.<p>2. She has not "been around" -
She is a previously enjoyed companion.<p>3. She is not an airhead -
She is reality impaired.<p>4. She does not get drunk or tipsy -
She gets chemically inconvenienced.<p>5. She is not "hot to trot" -
She is sexually focused.<p>6. She does not have implants -
She is medically enhanced.<p>7. She does not nag you -
She is merely verbally repetitive.<p>8. She is not "easy" -
She is sexually extroverted.<p>9. She does not have major league hooters -
She is pectorally superior.<p>10. She is not a two-bit whore -
She is a low cost provider.

TOP 30 NEEDED BUMBER STICKERS<p>30- The sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette.
29- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
28- I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me.
27- Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
26- WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
25- BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
24- I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
23- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
22- To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
21- I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
20- My kid had sex with your honor student.
19- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
18- As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
17- I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
16- God must love stupid people, he made so many.
15- The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14- It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
13- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
12- It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
11- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
10- I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
9- Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling too good myself!
8- Always remember; you're unique, just like everyone else.
7- Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.
6- Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
5- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
4- CAT -- The other white meat.
3- Beer -- The reason I get up each afternoon.
2- I'm out of bed and dressed -- What more do you want?
1- Remember my name -- You'll be screaming it later.

Priests and Baseball<p>A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts him in the closet and shuts the door. Her husband also comes home, so she puts her lover in the closet, with the little boy.<p>The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$50"<p>In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.<p>Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?"
Boy - "$150"
Man - "Fine."<p>A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "$200."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."<p>They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*@ again."

10 years of marriage to [censored]. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

"Why do Seaguls fly over the Sea?"<p>Answer: "Cause if they flew over the Bay they'd be called Bagels" Doh!<p> [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]