I am OUT of love with my husband. We've gone to counseling but have stopped because he thinks we can talk on our own. I just can't imagine falling back in love with him. Too little, too late. There IS another man involved. I AM in love with this other man. We had a short affair. I guess wasn't very good at hiding it and my husband figured it out. The OM has a family too and, like me, thinks that a divorce may be too much for the kids to handle. My husband and I don't fight very much anymore but our marriage is more like friends hanging out and helping each other with daily routines. And to be honest with you, I also worry that if we do separate or divorce.... I'll be lonely. Any experienced people out there with good advise?

Enyaj,<P>What you have described is the classic way that an affair begins. A spouse has needs that go unmet for a long time, finally decides that he/she can go without having them met, and then meets someone who seems to be everything that the spouse is not. <P>This person of the opposite sex seems to understand everything you are going through and is understanding, warm and encouraging. For a woman who is not getting affection from her husband, this is pure aphrodisiac. If she does not get away from this person, sex is just a foregone conclusion, and it is just a matter of time. For a man who is not having his needs for admiration and sex met, the end is also inevitable unless he gets away from the other woman. <P>Although I have not gotten involved with another person, I know that if I put myself in a situation where I was close to another woman, I would be asking for trouble. So, until my wife and I finally begin to meet each others' needs on a consistent basis, I make a point to stay away from other women. <P>My suggestion is this: Get back to counseling immediately!! If your husband says he will not go, throw a hissy fit until he agrees. Also, do not have any contact with the other man ever again. You need to realize that the relationship with him was based on his putting up his best front for you. I do not believe that you really want to have a relationship with a man who is perfectly willing to have sex with a married woman. He has already shown his true colors. <P>Anyway, this is my advice, take it or leave it. <P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You.<BR>John